Whelve

Chapter Three

Daniel

As more days passed the tightening in my chest got more intense. The whole weekend Ev had kept to himself, mostly drawing in his sketchbook. He had let me use his computer, as I had nothing else to do.

He hadn't asked me anything. Well, he hadn't asked me any personal questions. Nothing about who I was. Nothing about my bruises and wounds. Nothing about why I wanted to kill myself. Nothing about why I couldn't sleep at night.

Part of me didn't want to stay here. Staying here meant I owed something to Ev. And I didn't want to owe anything to anyone anymore. But I couldn't leave. I couldn't bring myself to leave. If I stepped out of that front door I was out there again. And I didn't want to be out there.

Ev had to go to work Monday morning, so when I woke up -a little before noon- I was alone. The apartment building that Ev lived in, I had come to realise, was mostly empty. Another girl was living one floor above him, but the apartments on the first floor as well as the rest from the other floors were vacant. Ev's upstairs neighbour, a young lady in her early thirties, was rather loud. Especially at night.

I hadn't met her, but Ev seemed to know her well, as on Sunday morning when she was being loud again, he had started hitting the ceiling to make her stop. I had also heard in on their conversation that same afternoon when he had bumped into her while taking out the trash. Her tone had been rather sweet and not at all hoarse as I had expected.

I was still sitting on the bed when I heard her Monday morning. She started moaning and soon the moans turned to screams. I could easily make out the rhythmic thumps of her bed against the wall. A shiver went down my spine.

My eyes focused on the droplets of rain on the window next to my side of the bed. Most were still, but I followed the ones that would run down the glass. I followed them until my eyes stopped moving. I heard knocks on a door. Not this door. The girl from upstairs screamed out in pleasure.

In my mind, I heard someone open a door and shut it close behind them. My hand moved to my forearm and I started scratching my skin. Another shiver went down my spine. I felt arms go around my waist and settle on my thighs.

"Come on let's have some fun."

A tear travelled down my cheek and my stomach twisted. This can't be happening. I heard another scream, but this one was distant. I wasn't sure whether it came from the girl upstairs or my mind. One of the bite marks on my back started throbbing and immediately I shot out of bed.

When I reached the toilet, I doubled over it, but my stomach was empty. I hadn't eaten anything. I was hungry, but I couldn't eat. I kept on heaving until a violent sob made me pull back. I was crying again.

"Fuck," I said under my breath as I sat down on the small olive bathroom mat and set my head against the tiled wall.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hid my face in my arms. Panic washed over me again and again and I could feel my fingers turn cold. I started uncontrollably shaking, while screams echoed in my mind.

"Shut up... shut up... shut up," I muttered under my breath, crying in my sleeves.

I tried to take a few deep breaths; tried to calm myself down, but I couldn't. I couldn't focus. I couldn't... I couldn't...

I didn't know how much time passed until I heard someone push a key in the front door and open it. Ev spoke up to make his arrival known. I was sitting on the bed, feeling mostly numb while was watching a video on the internet. One of my favourite online creators playing one of the many video games I used to play. It was gory and intense, and it made me feel something now and then.