Whelve

Chapter Twenty-five

Daniel

To say that I had managed to sleep the night before the trial would be an absolute lie. I barely managed to close my eyes for a moment and then when I opened them again it was morning.

Getting ready to go to court, as well as going there didn't feel real. This whole experience had felt like a dream. An incredibly detailed and twisted dream. Part of me had been looking forward to this day; forward to the moment, it would all just end. 

Well... not all but most. They hadn't been able to find who the other people in the videos were, but alongside my parents today would be my tutor so that was something. That I was a lot more than I had ever imagined would happen.

Ev hadn't understood why I had wanted to actually testify at court. He and Colin had made sure I knew it wasn't needed but... I didn't know how to explain it but I was partially scared that not being there somehow would make things less real. Maybe I was crazy, but I felt the need to see them, even though that thought terrified me.

Outside the courthouse Ev's mother, sister -as well as Colin- had been waiting for us. I had met them a little after Ev started talking to them again, and while I had been hesitant at first, after a couple of times of meeting up I had started to ease up. It was so weird; all my life I learned not to trust people as inviting as Ev's mother, but it was unbearably hard not to trust Louise Cornelius. I wasn't sure why, but just being close to the older woman just made feel like I was able to breathe. It reminded me of how I felt when I was close to Ev.

When they brought my parents and tutor in the courtroom, I had kept my head low, not wanting to look up at them just yet. There was a tight knot in my stomach, and I could feel my throat closing as the trial started and prosecutor, alongside the opposing lawyer, started talking. Colin had -thankfully- put the effort to explain to me exactly how the trial would go. First, the lawyers from both sides would speak, then the prosecutor would be taking the lead and would call on me as a witness. Then the other lawyer would ask me some question and then unless there was a need for more questions I would be done. After my questioning photographs, the police had taken from the basement as well as some of the footage from my parent's videos would be shown to the jury. Then he would call on Ev as a witness as he had been the one to find me when I was missing and as he had been the first one, I had spoken to about the abuse. After Ev, it would be Lucas' turn.

Lucas had sat down a few rows behind where I sat -alongside Ev and his family- all alone and rather withdrawn. I hadn't had the chance to interact with him just yet, but when I did catch a glimpse of him, he had been staring at me. He looked a lot like his younger self, his olive tan skin as well as dark brown eyes bringing back actual good memories to my mind. The only difference -other than him being older, leaner and taller than back when we were kids- was his wavy hair that reached down to his shoulders now with a few strands being tied up in a bun.

Anxiety was essentially what fuelled me when I stood before the jury and waited for the prosecutor to start asking me questions. I could feel eyes on me; comforting; curious; furious, but I ignored them all and just stared at the lawyer who had promised me justice.

At this point, talking about what had happened was almost mechanical, but it was still a struggle. The psychiatrist Ev's mom had recommended to me had said that dissociating from the trauma was something that happened with a lot of people who were hurt when they were children. A lot of people who had PTSD. So, what I was feeling was both understandable and natural.

I had been hesitant to go to her at first, but as much help as Ev was he couldn't deal with all that I was feeling. It certainly made me feel more of a burden to have Ev's mother pay the doctor and I hated feeling like I owed people something, so I made a promise to myself to repay her whenever I was able to.