First Love

12.

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My insecurities started to pace after that incident. But you probably don't know about it, even now. Because you never intended to know, I guess. All you saw me as was a so-called friend. But my heart never wanted to accept it, still now. I started to overthink that "what is there in that Ri Ah, that isn't in me!??" By now, you should know that what type of girls we were. I always used to wonder, why can't WE have the type of relationship that I want. But my heart knew, that what you desire, isn't something that I have. I was not your type, and I could never be. Because you wanted a girl who cute, little, less-spoken, slim, and spend every moment with you. Anyone, would say that a damn beautiful girl was not your necessity just by looking at Ri Ah. But guess I didn't fit any of your other criteria as well, other than not being beautiful. I was not a cute girl, neither little, not less-spoken or slim. I was a tall girl, you know, and one of the most friendly and extrovert person ever. Slim was not my body either and I don't mind telling that I was chubby then. And the last criteria, I definitely wanted to fit in it, but being the class representative was not an easy task for me. Running around all the time, taking signatures from teachers for different occasions, updating about the situation of the class every now and then to the class teacher, attending meetings, seminar, workshops and maintaining discipline didn't allow me to get a minute of rest. And even if I got, it was to be spend in studying, as the teachers and parents had high expectations from me, you know. Being the topper and a C.R. would never allow me to be by your side except some blessed days. I knew it well. That is why I dropped the idea of ever confessing to you about anything and just enjoy the small relation we shared. BTW, are you disciplined now, I wonder.