The broken window

Chapter 15

“I guess, without revelations of the truth, none of the chapters close, Armaan” - I said, after narrating the complete incident which I had left incomplete the night before. I didn’t want to continue the incident as he was tired, after working the whole day, in the laboratory.
Armaan didn’t utter a single word. He stepped down from the bed and went near the table. I was eyeing him, waiting for his response. His numbness was pacing up the release of fear hormone within me. I knew I shouldn’t have hidden anything from him. Keeping my fear of that incident aside, I strode towards him. “Armaan, what happened? Please say something” -  I said with a shivering tone. He didn’t in fact looked at me. “Armaan…” – Again, I uttered politely. He responded boldly, “What? Go to bed and sleep. We have to rush for Guwahati, tomorrow morning.” I didn’t argue. I could understand, what was going on in his mind – “The toughest decisions of an individual when he understands everything but fails to express and accept the truth. It was the confidence for my love that he had understood my situation. Or maybe a satisfaction to calm down myself as there was a tinge of confusion within my confidence.
I was waiting for him to come and sleep. But he didn’t, till I was awake. The morning sun rays knocked my eyelids to wake me up. Armaan was sitting beside me, packing his luggage. I was staring at his back while turning my messy hairs into a bun. I crawled towards him and wrapped my hands around his chest from the backside. He loosened my grip and said, “Please, get ready. The car will arrive by 7:00 am. It’s already 6:20 am. Plenty of us has a well-maintained patience level to keep our mouth shut, suppressing the evolving wrath.” His last sentence confirmed his anger. But I didn’t have appropriate words to express or question him anything. The car arrived on time. Silence prevailed between us until we reached Guwahati. The driver was ordered by Armaan to drop me at my room. On reaching my room, he bid a bye and said, “Take care.” My upset heart was questioning me – “Will he leave me alone during such a situation?” Sometimes, how I feel sorry for myself about my paralyzed mouth. My inner awkwardness holds me back to express anything. The prevailing silence ices me because it rewinds the situation in my mind to disclose any unknown mistakes of mine. Until I could respond to his speech, the car left me meandering in my thoughts.
After freshening up, I decided to call Armaan. I didn’t prepare what I would tell him. I just wanted to listen to his voice – let it be in the form of scolding or whatever. His silence was raising loads of questions in my mind. My thoughts were simultaneous with the phone's ring. It rang for the fifth time, but he didn’t receive it. His ignorance engulfed me within the negative thoughts – Everyone can act as a motivational speaker unless and until he or she had faced the situations, practically. Does Armaan depict the same character? Did I misunderstand him, being a true motivational speaker who applies those motivating words in his practical life? After all, it’s the toughest to behave being the understanding one by suppressing the uncontrollable factor – ‘anger'.

Gradually, the daylight dimmed down. As darkness wrapped the sky, my heart was pounding out of terror. Suddenly, there was a knock at my door. The knock created a shiver within me. I took a long breath. Gathering my guts, I rushed near the door and interrogated, “Who are you?” There was no response from behind. I forced a lump through my throat and interrogated back, "Hey! Who are you?" Finally, a voice came from behind, “It’s me. Open the door.” I sighed out of relief, hearing Armaan's voice. Without wasting a second, I opened the door. I couldn’t hold on my smile, looking at him. With a pale face, he questioned me, “Have you packed your luggage?” I ignored eye contact and replied like a child facing an angry mother, “No.” “I have already told you that you are going to stay with me. So, do the packing and come soon. I am waiting outside” – He ordered.
Following his words, I got ready and locked my room. I walked towards the main gate, searching for him. There he was sitting on his pulsar 200. Looking at him from a distance, my eyes moistened. I felt a guilt rush, enabling myself to resist those negativities, against him.

                        *****

“I'm sorry” – I apologized, breaking the persisting silence between me and Armaan. He asked, “Sorry, for what?” “I don’t know. I just felt like saying a sorry” – I responded, politely. After a few minutes he said, “Yes, you should feel sorry for hiding from me, about the incident. Yes, you should feel sorry for allowing my heart, that beats within you to suffer the pain alone. Yes, you should feel sorry for treating me like a stranger and not demanding me my presence, during your need. Yes, you should feel sorry for not scolding me for being the worst boyfriend ever, who was unable to understand my baby’s sufferings.” My tears were unable to adjust within my almond-shaped eyes. It rolled down uncontrollably. I whispered, sobbing, “Yes, I should feel sorry for not resisting my thoughts that created negativities against you.” I wrapped myself around him. Our grip tightened and remained as such for a while. None of us uttered a single word. I couldn’t resist myself to question him, “You too blame me for that incident? Because it’s a trend to blame the girl first, questioning her character.” He loosened the grip to stare into my eyes. He interrogated, “I won’t lie you. For a time being, yes, I thought like that. I thought it to be your fault. If you didn’t have come so closer to him then he wouldn’t have got a chance to…… He paused for a while and continued, “This thought came because we are born in such a society where girls are meant to get blamed first. I couldn’t resist my instincts. Sorry, about that. Later on, I made myself understand. Firstly, It’s natural to get attracted by anyone, in fact, if we are already committed. But it depends on, how we can control ourselves. Secondly, situations allow us to get closer to anyone. It can't be always a girls' fault if she gets targeted. So, I'm really very sorry for living you alone today after arriving from Shillong.” I stared blankly at him. Then I uttered politely, “Please don’t remain silent ever. It makes the situation more awkward for me to speak up.” He nodded and placed a kiss on my forehead. Rubbing my rolling tears, he again wrapped me around the warmth of his hug. “Will my special coffee stop my baby’s rolling tears?” – He whispered in my ears. “No, just wrap me around you this way” – I replied and tightened my grip. “Okay, then I've another option” – He uttered and started tickling me. I couldn’t resist my giggle – A perfect reflex action to make one laugh in any situation. I forced myself to loosen the grip to run away but failed. I shouted, giggling, “Armaan… stop it… Please, stop it… Finally, he stopped and stared at his giggling baby. He cupped my cheeks placing his forehead on mine. He requested me, “You are not going to hesitate ever to speak up anything, in front of me.” I said, “Yes, I won’t hesitate. Promise.” He opposed, “No, I don’t want promises. I want it as an action done practically. It’s easier to say the word ‘promise'. Breaking the promises behind one's back disrespects the word ‘promise’ and hurts the one with whom we made the promises. Because among many, rarest of them keeps the promises after making it. So, it’s better not to promise anything ever.” I pinched his cheek and said, “Okay, boss. Anyways now leave me. Today, I'm going to prepare dinner for us.” He didn’t allow me to do so and ordered me to take rest.
He went to the kitchen. I followed him, denying his order. I was gathering some vegetables from the refrigerator. He came near me and scratched the vegetables from me. He lifted me up and placed me on the kitchen slab and said angrily, “Just obey my orders.” I smiled and tied him around my legs. I placed my hands on his arms and touched his tip of the nose with mine. Meanwhile, with my right hand, I ran my fingers through his curly, messy hairs, making it messier. I chuckled at him, looking him getting angry every time, on doing that. He brought his face closer to mine and bit my nose. Gradually, he slipped down his lips and touched mine. Our lips were locked for a while. Both the tongues were playing with each other. Suddenly, I got flashbacks of the devil forcing on me. I separated my lips with a jerk. “Baby, is everything okay?” He interrogated in a confused tone. I leaned down and hugged him. Taking a long breath in his arms, I said, “Prepare the dinner faster. I'm hungry.” He placed a kiss on my hand and started preparing our dinner. I stared at him constantly, chopping the vegetables. After some time, I murmured, “Armaan, I hid the incident from you because I thought you would take it in another way. I never thought a human can turn out to be a devil. Do you know, why I had recited the complete incident in front of you? Because those… those pair of eyes were Rohit bhaiya's.” “What? Does it mean that he is doing all these with you? But why? He responded with a widened pair of eyes.