Waking Up In Vegas

Chapter 22

Elena's P.O.V.

It's like I can't breathe, like all the air is sucked out of my lungs and I'm gasping for it. He stares at me, eyes locked on mine as he starts to get up, a frown quickly forming on his face.

"Say something...anything...please." Stefan begs, his green eyes pleading with me to just open my damn mouth and utter anything at all. But, the moment I do..that instant, I regret them.

"I need to think about it." I tell him, letting go of his hands as he too gets up completely, straightening out his shirt and tilting his head to the side.

"What?" He asks, confusion and distance in his eyes as he tries to take my hand into his and I turn away, grabbing my purse off the table and then my coat. "I need to get out of here." I state, not turning to look at him as he clears his throat to speak. "NO!" Stefan shouts, quickly coming between me and the few inches that I have to make it to the door.

"Why not? Let me go..please!" I tell him, my eyes filling up with tears as he grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him.

"Not without a damn explanation! You can't just leave me here after I asked you to marry me! what the hell is wrong with you!" Stefan says, anger in his tone as I lock my eyes on his, dropping my purse to the ground, wiping away my tears, blinking my eyes at him as I speak in a hurried and shaky tone.

"You want to know why I can't marry you..Why it would never work!" I shout, watching as he tenses at my words, scratching his head as he closes his eyes, almost as if he's trying to figure out if he wants to hear what I have to say to him. But, I need to tell him, to know that it's not him..that's it me..I'm the one with the problems and if it wasn't because of it, because of this secret that I've been drowning in, that killed my relationship with Matt over time and now..It will surely kill my relationship with Stefan...If it wasn't for that, I would have said yes in a heartbeat.

I know it, the look in his eyes, the worry on his face as he takes my hand into his, slowly moving us to the bed, sitting on the edge of it, our legs dangling over the mattress and barely touching the floor. When I turn towards him, my hands shaking in his. I mentally try my hardest to prepare myself, silently praying that once I tell him, that once I say the words out loud to this wonderful man that I'm in love with, that just like Matt and all the others in my life..He'll leave. It's easier when they leave, no more obligations, no one feeling sorry for me or my situation.

Stefan watches as I exhale deeply, shutting my eyes tightly before I begin to speak with a strangled tone, pushing away the sadness in my voice. "Umm..I don't know how to even tell you this..I love you, Stefan. I do and I don't want to let you down...If it was under any other circumstances, maybe things would be different. But, let's face it. I could never give you what you would want as a wife..I could never be that girl..for you." I tell him, swallowing hard as the tears start to resurface on my face. My body quivering as his thumbs graze against my cheeks and he wipes away the falling tears. Yet, I still try my best to sniffle them back.

"Elena, please tell me what's going on..Why you don't want to marry me. What's the big deal?" Stefan asks in a soft tone as I take a deep breath and hold onto his now trembling hands as he leans into me, wiping away my tears again.

"It's not that I don't want to..I would! You have no idea how much I would want to be your wife, one day..But, Stefan..I don't see it happening...You having a happy life with me, a family! Because, when I was 20 years old. I found out that I can't have children...That's why when Matt and I were getting serious together and when he asked me to be his wife. I froze and then when he found out the truth, it was at Caroline's wedding...That's why I was so drunk that night..I was feeling sorry for myself." I tell him, carefully glancing up at him, pausing to see if he wants to say something. But, when I notice that he doesn't. I continue my confession, my painful secret.

"So, if I marry you..now...If we get too serious...now...Eventually, You'll leave. Because, you'll realize the mistake that you made in being with me and you'll want more, just like he did..After, I told him that I couldn't have kids, Matt was gone, just like that.." I tell him, watching as he shakes his head back and forth, pulling my tearful face towards his chest as I cry against him, in hiccupping cries that make me feel like I'm drowning in my own misery.

XXXX

Stefan's P.O.V.

I knew. I could tell that the moment I asked her...there was something that she had been hiding, something that she wasn't being totally honest about and now I know.

I'm hurt..But, not for myself..for her...for the life I want to give her..for the life I would give anything for her to have.

I love Elena and seeing her like this, in so much pain over knowing that one day when she decides to have children of her own, she won't be able too. My heart aches for her and the tears that she sheds as I hold onto her, pulling up our bodies so that we're under the now cold covers.

"Shhh..It's okay. It's okay...Elena, we could figure something out, we could adopt." I tell her, holding her against my chest as she balls her small fists up against my shirt, sobbing and shaking into me as I rock us, back and forth in a gently swaying motion.

"Elena, I know that you think that I would leave...But, honey..I'm not Matt! I would never leave you. No matter what the problem is..I love you, Elena." I tell her, hearing as her sobs start to calm down a bit more and then she exhales deeply, watching as my hand brushes against her forehead and then pushes her long hair back.

"I know...I just...I like the way we are now..Maybe if we eventually got serious and things were going great. Then, maybe we could talk about marriage and things like that. But, Stefan..I want to just enjoy this time I get with you..without-" She begins to say, her voice hoarse and tired as I nod at her.

"Yeah, I know, you want to enjoy our time together without any pressure, without judgment or expectations..Look, how about we put the marriage talk on ice for a while and when you're ready for it...we can open that box again." I tell her, wrapping her tighter against me, the dark red blanket that we found in the linen closet around us, securely.

"Okay..But-" She says, hesitation in her voice as I lean into her, kissing her cheeks.

"But, what? There are no 'but's'..Let's just go with the flow of things. I'm not mad, Elena...Trust me..I just want you to be comfortable with me..with us. You can tell me anything." I tell her, hearing as she lets out a sigh, one of relief when I look down at her face, watching when she cracks a small smile.

"Anything, huh?" Elena replies, curiosity in her voice, looking up at me as I nod my head at her.

"Yes, anything." I tell her, squeezing her shoulder a bit as she finally smiles at me, through her still watery and puffy eyes.

"Well, in that case...Let's go home..I want to show my amazing boyfriend off to all my friends...Officially." Elena states in a confident tone, smiling even more when she hears me laugh.

"Anything for you, Plus..If we can't get married..We can at least move in together." I tell her, leaning into kiss her forehead. Feeling the warmth of her skin against my lips when Elena giggles a bit and I hear her sniffle more as she says "I like the sound of that."