Never Been Kissed, Never Will Kiss

Chapter 2: Love Doesn't Exist

Sam and Kerry were laughing, probably about how Sam was dancing with a poor freshman who didn't know what was going on. Nothing new. 

We were sitting outside the gymnasium at one of the tables. I tried to laugh along with my best friends, but I kept sensing that I should go back onto the dance floor. 

There was something I needed to check. 

Should I just brush it away? I replayed the image of the guy I saw earlier kissing that girl. The guy that looked like Lance. Or was it Lance? 

As I kept pondering, I began to grow frustrated, then angry. It had to be Lance; there is no one else in this damn school who has that figure. 

"Guys, I'll be back, I'm going back in." I said quickly, getting up from my chair. 

"Woah, Caty, what's up?" Kerry grabbed my arm. 

I pulled away, "I'm positive that it was Lance in there kissing another girl. I swear it is. I'm going to go in and give him a piece of my mind."

Kerry sighed, "Caty-"

"There's something you should know." Sam finished. 

I stopped. Did my best friends know about this already and refuse to tell me?

"Caty, you've been dating Lance for four months now. Four months. He obviously wants to take it further with you, but you refuse to. Lance doesn't know what he's doing wrong. He gets it that your dad told you that as a kid, but Caty, you were five-years-old at the time, I mean, I just don't think-"

"So he's cheating on me?" I cut in. 

"Caty let me fini-"

"No, answer my question first. Is he cheating on me?"

Kerry sighed and slumped her shoulders, "Yeah, he is." 

I turned away. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. It seemed so surreal that Lance would cheat on me because I couldn't kiss him. It's not my fault, it's the promise--I have to keep it. 

I absolutely have to. There's no way around it. 

"Okay, I'm going to go." I jacket and keys from the table. 

"Caty-"

"Leave me alone."

"Caty, please, we didn't want to hurt-"

"You didn't want to hurt me, huh? Wow, that really worked didn't it," I said sarcastically, "did you really think it would be better not to tell me my boyfriend's cheating on me? See, this is why I keep that promise in the first place. So I won't regret giving away my first kiss to a cheating jackass like him!"

With that, I turned around, feeling the trails of tears on my face, and walked out of the school. I walked toward the parking lot quickly, trying to muffle my sobs. 

At seventeen-years-old, I had experienced the feeling of a broken heart, of a shattered fantasy, and of a false fairytale ending. That night, I decided I could never open my heart so easily again. 

It was the night I decided that love didn't exist. 

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Seven Years Later: 24-Years-Old--at Parker and Copston Law Company

"Late, late, late, late, late," I muttered to myself, as I juggled holding three coffees (one Americano, one pumpkin spice latte, and one dark roasted) along with my briefcase, three stacks of case files, and my own capuchino. 

How I managed to fly up three flights of stairs without dropping anything beats me. 

I ran into the firm, panting as I distributed the coffees and made my way over to my desk. I began organize my case files, "Mrs. Dackinsmoff's murder, the three-year-old's homicide, the bank robbery on Main Street..." I said out loud as I put each file in its designated pile. 

"Good morning, Caty." my partner, Dave, greeted me. 

"Good morning." I replied shortly. I don't like associating with the men at my firm very much. I'm always afraid, even after all these years. 

Ever since I was seventeen, my love life has been non-existant. I refused to go out on dates that my friends would set up for me, calling in sick with chicken pox or the flu or saying that I had too much to do. For the most part, I focused on establishing my career as a lawyer. 

In the end, it all turned out well. I graduated as the Saludatorian of the class and ended up at Stanford. After four years, I managed to be admitted to Harvard Law School and now, I am one of the established public defenders in New Castle County. 

Of course, this all came with the price of seeing more unattractive boys and hugging more books than members of the opposite sex. 

Not that I minded. 

At 24-years-old, I was a successful woman without anything to worry about. Who needs a man? 

The telephone rang shrilly, breaking my train of thought, "Hello, this is Caitlin Sawyer of Parker and Copston Law Company, how can I help you?" 

"Caty?"

I knew that voice anywhere. 

I pursed my lips, debating whether to hold my temper or let it go. I let out a sigh and put the receiver back on my ear, "Hi Lance, how have you been?"

Lance coughed on the other end, "I've been doing well. And it seems like you are too, you know, lawyer and all." 

"Yes, I'm doing fine," I said curtly, "anyway, why did you call?"

"Well, actually, I was wondering if you were free tonight? Listen, I know I messed up big time a couple years ago, but we were kids and you know, I was immature. So you want to go out or something?"

"Lance-"

"Just think about it, okay? Take your-"

I cut him off, "I don't need time, thanks. I'm sorry, but I'm not free tonight. I'm getting another call, bye."

"Caty, wa-"

I hung up. 

"Ouch, that's harsh." Dave commented. 

I looked at him coldly, "I don't appreciate you listening in on my conversations, Mr. Wang." 

Dave leaned back in his chair, "God, Caty, we've been partners for two years now. When are you going to call me by my first name?" His almond-shaped eyes sparkled. 

Darting my gaze away quickly, I replied, "Let's get back to work, shall we?"

He shook his head, "Whatever you say, boss. So, which case do you want to look at?"

"The three-year-old's homicide case. It's rather suspicious. I don't think we have all the proper evidence?"

Dave looked at me with a questionable look on his face, "You think so? Should we do a site examination ourselves?"

I nodded thoughtfully, "Yes, we should."

This was my life. I refused dates, refused advances, and refused any indication of letting people into my thoughts. Love didn't exist for me. It never did, and it never well.