Waiting for Better Days

Why

"Mm...Momma is that you...?"

The woman finally got in front of me and it  was my mother. The person that I've been waiting on for years. Why didn't she embrace me in a hug like I always dreamt she would when we reunited again. She just gave me a confused ass face like she didn't know what I was talking about.

I ran up to her and squeezed her in my arms as tight I could. But this wasn't how I planned this hug. She shoved me off of her and I stumbled back.

"Momma? Girl calm all that down. I ain't never had no kids you must got me mixed up with someone else boo. And don't be touching me. Fuck wrong withcu." She said swiping her self off disgusted like I put something on her.

I just stood there confused as ever. Why was she doing this to me. She was right here in front of me why won't she just comfort me like she used to do - Like I needed her to. I still loved her I forgave her for not coming back for me I honestly did.

"Mommy stop. I know you remember me. Its me your baby Quila. Its me mommy." I said fighting back tears that were burning my eyes, while reaching for her hand.

She back up and reached into her purse, "Nah lil girl. Look Just give me two grams of sum loud please." She pulled out two crumpled up 20 dollar bills.

I stood there with the tears still burning in my eyes. One thing my Dad taught me that was useful ,was never let anyone see yo true feelings and especially don't let em' see you cry. And I never cried ever, and I wasn't gone start now.

I took off my bookbag and reached Into it and pulled out  two blue bags and handed them too her. Grabbed the money, threw my bookbag back over my shoulder, turned around and walked away. Without exchanging looks or eye contact. Because if I did I would have lost it and broke down.

I walked to Head's house and knocked at the door. He opened it and dapped me up. We walked into kitchen and I threw my bag on the island in the middle of the kitchen and sat down on one of his stools. I pulled out my money from today and he counted it up, it was 940.

"Okay where the leftovers at?" He asked recounting the money.

I pulled out three green bags, And set them on the counter. He grabbed them and smiled.

"You one of the most loyal workers I've ever had Quila. You never try to scam me or rob me out my product. You is a loyal, strong, respectful female and when you get older a nigga gone really love you for that for real."

I thought about what he said and realized he was right I never thought about it but I could have robbed him and kept all his shit for myself and he wouldn't even know, because I would leave if I had enough. But he was family, and you never supposed to turn your back on family. Well at least that's what I thought, but I see my mother thinks otherwise.

I swear I'm never going to forgive her. I know it seems harsh but how could you forget your only child. The one that lived with you for 9 years straight  How in the world could you let 4 years out weigh 7 plus the 9 months you carried me in your stomach. How could you forget something you made. How..? Why would she do this to me. Was I not better than the drugs she did. Didy life not have enough value for her to come back for me, or at least fuckin remember who I was.

I sat in deep thoughts and the more thinking I did the more I broke down inside.

"Quila! Girl don't you here me talking to you!?"

"Ohh! Yeah wassup? Watchu was saying?" I said like I was listening. Snapping out of my thoughts I turned my attention to him

"I said from now on imma let you keep all the money you make instead of taking half. You can keep everything you make. You been working hard and deserve it. Plus I know your birthday in two days so keep it." 

When he said this he sat the whole stack of money that I made in my hand. I looked up at him and smiled. I had enough to pay all of the bills, but not enough for myslef. That doesn't matter as long as I took care of business.

"Oh my Goodness thank you nigga. You dont know how happy I am."

I left and went to the closet gas station and got a money gram made out to each bill company I had to pay, it was only 4 of them. I always put them in the mailbox in a big envelope. My dad always thought it was one of his 'imaginary ex girlfriend's' way of asking for him back and I'd always laugh and go along with it. My dad never was good with women and never had a girlfriend other than my momma. So he really should have let the idea go.

I put the envelope in the mailbox and went to the side of the house. I grabbed the blue crate I would kept by my window when I snuck out the house to go work. I stood on top of it and pushed my window open. I climbed in and closed the window back. I changed clothes and went to bed.

I woke up the next morning and realized something was wrong. I didn't smell cigarette smoke like I usually did. I didn't hear any movement the house was still. Like no one was there. I turned on my back and strecthed my arms and legs. I wiped the sleep out my eyes and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth then washed up. When I was finished i walked out the bathroom. The house was still silent. I walked in the kitchen and it looked the way I left it the day before. The living room was the same everything...

I walked to my dad's room and knocked. No answer.. I put my ear to the door to see if I could hear him snoring and I didn't. I opened the door and he wasn't there. I immediately started to panic. Only because my dad never left me home alone without letting me know he was leaving. It was just something he didn't do and couldn't, it was basically a habit. I walked outside looked on the porch. Then I walked to the side of the house and my heart dropped.

My dad's car was still parked in the fuckin driveway. My dad didn't walk. He's a fat ass mf that dosent walk, No where I mean anywhere. Even if it was up the damn street, that nigga would not do it. And it was because he wanted everyone to see his all black OG Lincoln, and because he was lazy as hell. Plus he was in love with that car and he drove it everywhere. So now I knew something wasn't up. I went back in the house keeping my cool I paced around for a min. Then decided to call Head if anybody could find my dad it was him.

I told him what was up.  He said his boys are on the look out and he'd call back when he got any info. It was 1 o'clock on a Saturday so the streets were busy. That means it shouldn't take no time for them to hear something about my dad. As I waited at the house there was still no sign of my dad and it was 3:14. One minute later the phone rang. I picked it up before the first ring stopped.

"Hello?"

"Tequila I need you to come to the trap now."

It was head and he didn't have any emotions in his voice. I hung up without saying anything. I hope its nothing bad. Im just praying that everything is okay. Just for this one time In my life let something go the way I want it to. I grab my house key, locked the door and sprinted down the block.