Sunlight Under the Stars

Seven: Confession

KAEDE

I like Shuichi Saihara.

There, I said it. Whoo, that was a rush. I don't think I've ever admitted anything like that before. But it's true.

I can't say why, exactly. There's just something about him. He's adorable without trying to be, and his lack of self-confidence, while annoying at times, is really endearing.

It's been months since we first met. I've been teaching him piano, and he's been scrambling for things we can do together on his time (also adorable), and... well, I don't want to say this too confidently, but I think he likes me too. But I haven't asked him out yet, and that's because of how he always acts during our homeroom meetings.

We ended up getting permission from the headmaster to use some of the adjacent rooms. Some people showed up, some people didn't. Honestly, the whole thing kind of backfired, since the few people who ended up coming are always too focused on working to want to interact at all. But our homeroom meetings with the original group have continued. Sometimes we work on ways to increase engagement, but most of the time we just hang out. It's pretty fun, except for something I've noticed with Shuichi.

Ever since the first day, he's acted weird around Rantaro. Skittery, jumpy, almost flustered. He's calmed down a bit since he stopped running away the second Rantaro approached him, and they've actually become good friends. I'd dismiss that as an odd coincidence except for something else, and that's the way he always looks at Kaito.

Kaito Momota is still the leader of the group. Maki's challenged him on this quite a few times, but Kaito has remained the leader. I can see why. He's an idiot, but he's charismatic and idealistic enough that people want to follow him and believe in what he believes in. I've been told that I have some of the same qualities. (Oh God, that sounded really braggy, didn't it? Sorry.) Nobody really takes him seriously, but everyone has this kind of unspoken respect for him and the way he can effortlessly command the room no matter how stupid whatever we're trying to do is. But whenever Shuichi looks at him... it's like he gets lost in his eyes, like he's completely entranced by everything Kaito is saying. I don't think he realizes this himself, but it's starting to seem like he has a crush on Kaito.

I'm going to gather my confidence and ask him out. But first I think I need to have a talk with him.

SHUICHI

"Hey, Shuichi?" I startle awake, just now realizing that I've been staring at Kaito for about five minutes. He's just got this sort of magnetism to him, something that I can't look away from. Something in the back of my mind speaks up nervously, saying this is like how I used to feel about Rantaro. But I got rid of that stuff. When I got to know him better, those feelings started to fade. Sure, I still think he looks pretty cute (oh God, why did I just think that), but it's not like I like him or anything.

And it's the same thing with Kaito, I tell myself. Just because I think he's a great leader doesn't mean I'm into him. Yeah, that's got to be it.

"Shuichi?" Kaede starts snapping her fingers in front of my face, and I jump about an inch into the air. She giggles. "Um, after the meeting is over... do you think we could talk for a second?"

She's going to ask me out. Wait, am I getting ahead of myself here? No, I can't be. What other reason would she have to talk to me alone after the meeting? She likes me and she's going to ask me to go out with her. And then what? What do I say?

I like her. I think I've established that pretty well. But this doesn't feel like love or anything. I think she's really pretty and sweet and nice, but I don't think I could see myself marrying her. Do I bring that up now or just hope that this is going to be a short fling? My breaths start getting more and more rapid. My fists clench. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do...

"Hey, man." Kaito puts his hand on my shoulder. "You okay?"

I look at him, his eyes sparkling like starlight, and I feel like telling him everything. My weird feelings about other guys, the way I feel about Kaede, the stress of not letting those thoughts reach the surface... but there are way too many people around right now, and besides, Kaito and I haven't really talked that much. He's the leader of our group, sure, but it's not like we're close personal friends or anything. He's nice and all, but can I really trust him with something like that?

Meanwhile, Kaede is still looking at me with a concerned expression. "Are you okay, Shuichi?"

"Yeah." I try to shake off my nerves. "Coming. Just... give me a second."
She nods, still looking worried, and steps out of the classroom. I close my eyes and try to center myself. Maybe she doesn't want to ask me out. Maybe it's something else. Oh no, what if it's something else, something way more serious? Maybe one of her family members is dead and she needs to talk to me about it? Great, what am I supposed to do about that? What am I –

Well, it doesn't really matter. I can figure that out as I go along. My heart pounding, I stand up, open my eyes, and walk outside to meet Kaede, hoping that I'm not about to make a terrible mistake.

KAEDE

This is it. This is where I tell the cute boy next door that I've liked him since the day I met him. I fidget with my hands. Why am I so nervous? He's not going to say no. Even if he had the self-confidence to do that, I don't think he would. He seems to like me... right?

Unless he's actually into Kaito, and hopefully we'll be past that in a second.

Shuichi steps around the corner, sweating profusely. I bite my lip to keep from smiling at how adorably nervous he is. Yeah, he definitely likes me. But first...

"Hey, there's something I need to –"

"Hi!" He blurts, then blushes intensely, shaking his head at himself. It's taking everything I have to keep from laughing. My God, he's cute.

I slap myself in the face to get myself back on track. Gotta focus. "There's something I need to ask you."
"Right." He nods eagerly, looking desperate to get past this awkwardness. I'm with him on that one. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Here it comes.

"Do you like Kaito?"

He blinks like I just hit him in the face. "W-what?" he stammers. "N-no. Why would you think that? I..." He tilts his head, closes his eyes like he's trying to work something out. "Yeah, no. Not like that, at least. I mean, he's a great guy and everything, and he's fun to hang out with, but I don't, you know... like like him." He's rambling, and I wonder if he's trying to figure out the answer to that question himself. No, can't be. I've got to take his word for it. I can't keep looking for an excuse to avoid this. I need to ask him, because if I don't now, I don't think I ever will.

Deep breaths, Kaede. Deep breaths. I look at that adorably stressed-out face partially covered by that ridiculous emo hat and ask the question I've been wanting to ask for weeks now. "I... like you. Do you like me too, and... do you want to go out with me?"

Time slows down for a second. He blinks rapidly, stutters for a second, and I'm terrified he's going to say no. Then he seems to collect himself, nods, and makes eye contact with me for what feels like the first time. "Yes. I like you too. Of course I'll go out with you."

SHUICHI

I think I've made a terrible mistake.