Moonflower

Chapter 27: Musing

Mari fell asleep snuggled against Tae's chest. Just as he desired her to. Laying on his side was the best position right now away. And he was ignoring the pain where she brushed up against his belly. He'd suffer through it to hold her tonight. He lay awake for a long time that night just breathing in her scent. The apples were still with him.

His mind replayed every word she'd said to him.

Good morning, husband.

I'm sorry I landed you in this trouble. I'm sorry I stole your choice from you.

He'd never had a choice. Not really. The king often chose a wife for a man in his position. And Moonflower was too highborn to have ever become his wife. She could never have been his. He had always known it.

Still, he was shocked to discover that he had been married off to a former slave. His station required a woman of a higher rank. But he found that he truly did not want anyone else. There was something very compelling about Mari and her courage. And her kind heart. She was not a stranger to sacrifice. Even if she was unfamiliar with compassion. Receiving it, anyway. She was very good at dishing it out.

You'll make a wonderful husband.

Those words still did strange things to his insides. And to his heart. No one had ever spoken with such confidence in him before. Her words meant even more to him than the king's words of praise for his service and of faith in his loyalty. How could the sentiments of a tiny slip of a girl he'd just met mean more to him than the commendation of his oldest - and his highest ranking - friend?

I did not get stuck with you. Don't you know you're every woman's dream?

You are a noble man. You nearly died for me. I could not find a finer man to marry if I searched the whole of the kingdom.

She had too high an opinion of him.

Why? What had he done to deserve her admiration? Was it simply because he'd taken the beating for her? What man would have let an innocent woman suffer so?

Yet...he had to admit that most men he knew would not have lifted one finger to prevent her suffering. Let alone borne it for her.

But you are clearly in love with another woman. I cannot compete with that. I have no wish to.

How could he have let his love for Moonflower slip through his lips in front of Mari? It had been so callous of him. He'd clearly broken her heart. Broken the heart of a girl whose back had already been ripped to shreds by another man. What part of her had now escaped unscathed by any man?

It's very plain you do not desire me. And I think, for my part, a life of celibacy would be easier than living with a man who desires another. I cannot give my body to a man who would cast aside my heart.

She was very plain spoken. But the truth was that as he held her in his arms tonight, he couldn't have said that he didn't desire her. It wasn't as simple as that. Could he love one woman and desire another? Apparently so. But it wasn't fair to either of them. And Mari didn't want only his desire. She wanted his love too. Moonflower didn't want him at all.

You don't have a very high opinion of me, do you? How many men do you think I've entertained in my chambers?

Perhaps, she truly had no notion how breathtakingly beautiful she was. Or how many men must have desired her. And pursued her. Or at least, would have if they had been given the chance.

I have no lover.

I have never entertained any men in my bed. You are the only one who has ever slept in my bed at all.