The Inconsistency of Nothingness

People Change

The weeks that followed the event were awkward and conversations were strained. Thankfully, the boys were on a hiatus to try and write more songs and prepare for their next album, so all of them were usually just relaxing at home. Currently, George was scribbling in his notebook where we jotted down some lyrics that came to his head. Although Nick and George were more skilled in composing over songwriting, the two would sometimes dabble in writing lyrics. George sat on his bed, strumming random chords on the guitar. Recently, he'd been trying to expand his skills by learning more instruments. He'd gotten comfortable with playing guitar relatively quickly, and would try to practice at least one a day.

While mindlessly strumming, George thought back to the one night stand. All he could feel was immense shame at the memory. If Clay ever found out, he'd probably be disgusted with George; he probably would hate him. Clay had been the only thing on his mind for the past weeks, and it hasn't been helping him creatively at all. Every single line of every single song was filled with traces of the blonde boy. George strummed the first chord and sighed. He wasn't the most confident in his singing, but nevertheless, he enjoyed trying when he was alone.

Here I go again

Love's a loosing hand

Lost my only friend

Here I go again

George contemplated the next lines before he sighed and continued.

I never wanted to be alone

With these thoughts in my head now

With my pain and my thoughts now

I guess I've done myself again

I've royally fucked it up

If love is a loosing bet,

Then I've royally fucked it up

Everything recently felt like it's all been falling apart, and George couldn't stand it. He just wished things could go back to when they just started out. He wished that he didn't kiss Clay, he wished that- George stopped himself. This is how things are now. I can't change that. This was the mantra he repeated to himself every day, but lately, it's been getting a lot less meaningful. George strummed one last chord.

Don't you know it's fucked up without you,

Every single song is about you.

George laid the guitar on it's stand and plopped down in his bed, defeated. It was beginning to get harder and harder for George to feel motivated to do anything at all. Even though they band's success was only growing with each day, it felt like the group was slipping away from each other each second, and George was convinced it was all his fault.

After much deliberation and time alone with his thoughts after the incident two weeks ago, George had come to the conclusion that he did indeed have feelings for Clay. In the beginning, George had convinced himself that it was just frustration, but as the thoughts of the kiss persisted, George had to come to terms with the truth. He was in love with Clay. However, George had no idea where the feelings started. Was it the day they met? The kiss? George had no idea, but it was clear that the kiss was a catalyst to these thoughts.

I've really outdone myself this time, falling in love with my straight best friend, George thought to himself bitterly laughing.

Unfortunately, the band had to meet up today in the studio to go over their progress, and George just didn't know if he could handle seeing Clay, let alone seeing Clay actively trying to avoid George. The boy ran his hair through his dark mahogany hair before getting up to get dressed.