I BLEED.

To The One I Will Never Have

Young love they say will come to you like a bunch of bouquet,
tied with fun, innocence, magic and inspirations,
giving birth to the butterflies inside your little belly,
putting you on-set with lots of laughter, wide smiles, and pounding hearts,
how those days felt like infinite and perennial,
like the moon never leaves the sky when the sun comes up.

I love this boy the very first time I laid an eye on him,
the way he effortlessly bright up the atmosphere just by one smile,
he is full of life and his jokes are ridiculously funny,
I can’t even count how many times do I almost puke my heart out as I laugh,
I love everything about him,
I even memorized their car’s plate number and made it my favorite digits,
purposely, I tell everyone that I am fond of him, marking territories I guess,
and that’s when I first felt that he belongs to me.

Time passed and I rarely see him,
he’s always on the first row of my every christmas gift list,
wanting to just see him and adore him from apart,
it may sound so ambitious but I dreamed standing on the altar with him,
wearing the most prettiest white dress I’ve ever seen,
and kissing the most precious boy I ever love.

Breaking to us gently, but darling young love is just a phase,
faster than I thought, the boy I always adore becomes a man now,
scrolling to youtube I found this beautiful song,
I loved it for reminding me of him but to my surprise,
it is his song, he wrote it for the girl he loves.

He have changed, a lot.
I can’t even contain how many buckets I filled that day when tears doesn’t seem to stop,
how can one part of the body feels like been torn into million pieces,
how can innocent memories cut deep like a knife,
slicing every fiber of my soul and feeds it to the sea.

Moving on from him is a hell of a torture,
I hear his name everywhere, hear his voice in every person i talked too,
see his face in every person I come across the way,
I thought making territories only bring perks,
I was wrong, now everyone who knows I liked him tells me stories about him,
about his girl, about his life, about his plans.
It was futile to get my hopes up even more, it felt pathetic to keep him,
when reality is, he already flew far away now.

I supposed that everything really do change,
just like how the world permits the rivers to flow,
like how the universe allows the moon to shine as the sun bids goodbye,
like how the flowers bloom as the spring comes,
just like how people grow and shine.

Maybe somewhere out there, the boy I used to love still exist,
enjoying his every practice in football field,
making fun of himself while watching his ridiculous dance steps,
shouting to the computer’s monitor as he loses the game,
and enjoying spending time with the girl who adores him profoundly.

I love this boy the very first time I laid an eye on him,
he has this atmosphere that tells that he is hard to reach,
by just looking at him I felt that I am out of his league,
it might feels like he is too near but he is actually too far away,
I don’t have the slightest idea why this kind of love,
ever struck me so hard and makes everything unexplainable.

What I have got from keeping him in my heart was really wonderful,
and heartbreaking, and hurtful, and memorable, and fantastic, and magical.
That’s how he just impact my life and set a standard,
he was the subject in my poetry, the thoughts keeping me awake in 3 am,
the music that rang to my head while riding a bus way home,
the steps of the mad players dancing in the field,
he is indeed a great chapter in my book.
He is the star I used to and will always adore.
I will always be his biggest fan.
It might be impossible to have him, but all I know, he was worth it.