𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙢𝙮 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘯

[❁] thirty-six

There were those kinds of people who paid fortunes for antics and art. Every year, millions of won were traded for some alleged piece of art, which would only end up gathering dust behind some rich guy's vault door. Old vases dating back to the Joseon dynasty, paintings by famous artists from all over the world, countless treasures and valuables, all so expensive that the majority of people wouldn't even dare to dream of owning them.

None of these pricey items would ever come close to the masterpiece Wooyoung was openly gaping at right now.

The picture was low quality, medium at best. Nevertheless, Wooyoung was astonished. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he was suddenly very glad to have at least fixed his hair and put on a fresh shirt.

San was wearing grey sweatpants paired with a black, baggy and washed-out sweater, its sleeves sloppily rolled up. Although the clothes were neither fancy nor expensive, he made them look clean, almost fashionable, as if he had stepped straight out of a magazine. Then again, that was probably also due to his messy, fresh out of the shower hairstyle. If the quality had been just a little better, Wooyoung might have been able to catch a glimpse of the wet pattern of drops on San's sweater, the water still dripping from the blond strands.

For a second, Wooyoung had forgotten that this video call served a much more serious purpose than simply talking for the first time. But then he remembered what the call was about in the first place, and quickly shook his head in irritation with himself to get back to his senses. Why was he so easily distracted when obviously something else was so much more important?

Once he had blinked away his admiration for San's appearance, he observed San more diligently. He registered the shaky nervousness in San's gaze, two fine worry lines in between his brows and the heavy exhaustion in his eyes. Shocked, Wooyoung realized, San had barely slept for at least a week, or even longer. It was more than that though. San didn't simply look tired, he looked downright exhausted, wrecked. There was something heavy in his expression, a profound sadness, an anxiety. Something Wooyoung couldn't quite place, but it made his heart clench in pain.

Drawing a deep breath, Wooyoung pulled himself together. He'd had enough of assumptions and theories, it was finally time to talk this out. He wasn't getting anywhere with them on his own anyway.

When his friends had tried to talk him into forgetting San, he had doubts, just for a second. What if he had actually been dumped? What if San had actually grown tired of him? But at this moment, looking at the vulnerable boy in front of him, he knew his faith in San hadn't been misplaced.

Suddenly he became awfully fidgety as he realized he had no idea how to start the conversation. Texting with San had always been natural, something he didn't need to think about, but this, right now, was something different. He felt awkward.

"Um... hey." Very awkward.

Nonetheless, on the display the corner of San's mouth broke into a small smile. It didn't reach his eyes, and he almost immediately dropped his gaze, but he seemed a little less tense. That's a start, Wooyoung thought. He didn't comment on San's silence, it was obvious he was nervous, and if he needed gentle guidance to slowly come out of his shell, that was perfectly okay with Wooyoung. He wanted San to be comfortable. He wanted San to trust him.

"I'm glad you texted. I was worried." There was no need to pretend otherwise.

When San's gaze met his, Wooyoung's breath hitched - and not in the good way. The small smile from before had vanished. Instead, San's eyes burned into his with a guilt-ridden expression so intense Wooyoung felt bad to be the one receiving it. Scratch that, he didn't just feel bad. Never in the world would he ever want to be the reason to make San look as miserable as he did at this moment.

It was as if San was searching for something, his gaze holding Wooyoung's captive, never blinking. Wooyoung tentatively looked back, almost having to concentrate to not shrink back from the direct eye contact. It made him feel exposed, leaving him in a strangely defenceless state. As intensely as San's gaze was holding onto him, Wooyoung was carefully observing San, watching him for any signs and reactions that might tell him what was really going on.

At this moment, Wooyoung could read San like an open book. Despite the intensity with which San was currently watching him, he appeared oddly vulnerable. San's gaze was clinging onto his with an urgency that San's eyes almost seemed to jitter in their sockets, as if his life depended on it. His expression shakily flickered between guilt, bitter determination and nervousness. It was a circle of conflicting emotions, all of which were trying to trump each other.

San's inner turmoil was mirrored by his whole body. His jaw was clenched in an attempt to keep his feelings inside. His shoulders were so tense, it looked painful. Leaning slightly forward with his elbows on his knees, probably a try to make himself feel more comfortable, San was holding the phone in front of him with both hands.

Suddenly, the picture on Wooyoung's display started to shake. First, it was just a slight quivering but as he got more confused about what was going on, the picture was caught by immense and irregular tremors blurring the whole video image. When Wooyoung finally got a glimpse of the conflict on San's face, it hit him like a truck.

"San, oh my god, your hands are shaking!" Shocked, Wooyoung stared at the boy on the shaky screen. He wished there was anything he could do to comfort him, but the longer he observed San, whose face did nothing to hide the fact that he was fighting a mysterious and nerve wrecking battle with himself, the smaller became the device in his hands and the bigger grew the world around him. He didn't have any idea where San was right now, he could be on another continent for all he knew, and his only way to help him was through this tiny phone.

Wooyoung held back a frustrated groan and went with his hand through his hair to calm himself down. The urge to help San was killing him. His voice was lowered as he tried to put as much reassurance in it as possible. "San. It's okay. I know you wanted to explain, but you don't have to, it's fine. Trust me. If you do want to tell me, that's okay too. Please, just, take a deep breath. It's okay, you can trust me, I'm here. Everything is going to be fine."

The intense tremors in San's hands were ceasing into a slight shiver, the picture being now calm enough for them to keep steady eye contact again. The intensity of San's gaze still left Wooyoung overwhelmed, this time though, he felt relieved. When before the nervousness and guilt had clearly taken control over San, now, a new wave of determination washed over his features.

San broke away and dropped his gaze, focussed on a new target. His jaw was still tense and Wooyoung could easily spot the same vulnerability behind the new-found spirit as before. Despite the conflict, San concentrated on his mission on hand: texting.

Remembering San's confusing request from before, Wooyoung opened their chat with a swift motion.

San 😺🌋 is typing...

Watching San on the small screen in the corner, wet strands of blonde hair falling onto his forehead and staring at his phone with a determined expression, Wooyoung felt his own heartbeat increase. Suddenly, he was hyper-aware of the gravity this might have on their relationship. There was no way for him to know what to expect. All he could be sure of was that San was terrified to tell him about it and that made Wooyoung genuinely nervous.

After what felt like ages, but it had probably just been several moments, the words 'San 😺🌋 is typing...' disappeared from his display. Wooyoung subconsciously leaned closer to his phone and without even noticing, he held his breath.

A second later, a message arrived.

San 😺🌋
I have Selective Mutism.

⭑⭑⭑

A/N
Atiny, they got two wins!! I am so proud of them, they really, really deserve it. They improved so much (not that they weren't awesome before, just something hits differently this time, I can't explain it), they worked so hard, and the outcome is simply amazing. I am really hoping we will be able to give them another win... so keep streaming and voting! When it gets exhausting, take a break, rest, and come back with new energy. We can do this together! Hwaiting <3