authority

19|Serendipity|19

guess what, i'm writing this the same day i posted a chapter, crazy right!! hahha

and i've been thinking, quite a lot actually. i don't want to to be a book of any ships, it makes me uncomfortable to write and i feel weird about writing about people like that, i'll be going back and editing my chapters to take out any hefty romance. i'm sorry if you came here for mwah mwah love stuff but i can't write that, makes me feel weird. so any actions that involve people getting close are purely platonic :)

tw: if your sensitive to break-downs and self doubt then please be careful :))

anything in this chapter is platonic

|Clay|

I can't believe I stormed out of the room. I feel like a fool for doing so. I just ran, like a coward, I just ran away... Why? I have no clue.

My fist stings, and there are painful bits of plaster among the mess of blood and skin. Tears pour down my arms, I just broke down. I sit in the cleaners cupboard, head in my hands, soaking my pants with the salty tears. My heart hurts, I feel like I can barely breathe, I keep gasping in air to keep myself from choking.

Before, I think I heard loud, crashing footsteps race down the hall. I didn't bother to wonder why. I wince in pain, my fist aches, yet I still allow my head to rest on the fragile flesh. I don't like this, feeling open, yet I have a longing for someone to come help me. Is that so wrong?

I start to choke from the sobs I let out, it's a quite an ugly sound. Yet I continue to cry, gasping in breaths only to let them out again. My body starts to shake and convulse with each loud sob, I wish I could hush down the sound.

Why did everything have to go so wrong? Vincent was taken... yet so was George. Why didn't I care so much? Am I that much of a heartless person to not care my friend could be dead? My heart seems to burn more, sizzling deep in my chest, sending it's waves of agony throughout my whole body. Maybe I'm crying now, not only for the loss and failure, but also for everything else I've screwed up in life. I move my hands from under my face to hug my body, to curl up into a tight, small ball. I clench my legs tight, which makes more tears fall from the pain of the wound I made on my hand. I can feel the dried blood crack and the warm liquid seep out, letting its heat ooze onto my leg.

My eyes seem to sting from the amount of salty liquid spilling from them. My stomach aches from all the sobbing, and my throat hurts from the continuous cries. It feels like there is a giant grey cloud above me, or a leech sucking all joy from my life.

Then I hear footsteps, quite clumsy footsteps too. Followed by the footsteps, there is a gentle knock on my door. "Cl-Clay?" his nervous voice stutters out. Immediately my body stiffens, and I make a feeble effort to wipe away the tears still streaming from my eyes.

He steps in. He sees me like this pathetic mess. Our eyes meet, and then silence follows. I open my mouth to try and dismiss him, but my words are so hard to speak. I break eye contact and look down. "Go-o, a-a-aw-" I choke up on the last words and more sobs come out. George walks into the small cupboard, he kneels down and embraces me.

At first I flinch from his action. But his arms are just so comforting. "Shhhh, I'm sorry, I really am." he whispers. I close my eyes and just continue to cry, letting all the tears spill over his shirt. I let my limbs go limp and just lean on George, letting my head rest on his shoulder. I just cry, I do nothing else but cry, for around five minutes, silence is filled by my sobs.

"I-I'm-m s-so-orry-ry t-t-t-oo." I stutter out before gasping in another breath, it makes that hiccup sound. This only makes him squeeze me tighter. It seems to dry away the tears, I take a deep breath, and another, and another. I feel numb, no, that's not the right word, it's more of a feeling, you're out of tears but you feel loved, whatever word can describe that.