Forest of Rope

Chapter 23

‘It was a Wednesday in March. I walked all the way to the Marin Headlands from the city and all I could think about on the way was how tactless it would be to kill myself on a Wednesday. Nobody interesting ever died on a Wednesday.

The road was long and hard, couldn’t walk on the freeway. I wanted to do it somewhere quiet and discreet, didn’t want anyone to find me. It’s not like I knew exactly where I was going so as I walked, I can remember looking for places, weighing my options. Every time I did, I imagined the local news report describing the discovery of my body.

I left the apartment, took the stairs, and sure enough in the back of my mind I could already hear the news bulletin: “found at the bottom of a stairwell with a broken neck”. I came out the building, crossed the busy street: “stepped in front of a semi and was killed instantly”. I made for the Golden Gate Bridge.

For a minute or two I almost convinced myself that I’d do it there, but then I remembered my telescope. I wasn’t sure who else might be bodywatching, so I kept going.

By the time I made it to the cliff it was already dark and the wind had picked up. It blasted me back from the rocks as if it was trying to stop me. It was cold too. I remember stepping up to the edge and spreading out my arms, ready to disappear, to become another number in a statistic. I felt relieved. I was alone and grateful for it. I truly thought that no one was there to get in my way.

I was wrong of course. Vincent had been watching me the whole time.’

‘Excuse me.’

His voice had come from out of nowhere, formless and disembodied like the wind. Shocked out of her wits, Alexis lost her balance and very nearly fell off the cliff. She flailed her arms around awkwardly and struggled to stay on her feet. Vincent, whose slender outline eclipsed the silver beams of the full moon, used this to his advantage.

‘You look like you need some help.’

‘No fucking shit!’ Alexis yelled back at him, outraged. ‘Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?’

Unperturbed, Vincent paced about behind her with his hands held casually behind his back.

‘I can see that,’ he noted, turning his back on her. ‘Sorry to startle you. I just wanted to make sure.’

Alexis double took, getting her first good look at him, confirming his physical existence.

‘Sure of what?’

‘That you have what it takes to kill yourself. And now I know.’

‘What are you talking about?’ she demanded, taking offense. ‘Who are you?’

Alexis squinted through the blackness where Vincent stood half-concealed by the night, his gloved hands buried deep inside his coat pockets. He looked surprisingly relaxed, like he did this kind of thing every day.

‘I’m your guardian angel,’ he told her slyly. ‘My name is Vincent. And, sorry to rain on your parade and everything but, you won’t jump. You’d have done it by now if it meant anything to you.’

‘“Meant anything?”’ she repeated, flaring up. ‘You don’t know anything! You don’t know how this feels! You don’t know what I’ve been through!’

‘Maybe not,’ he acknowledged bracingly. ‘But I know you won’t jump. Your instinct to survive is still too strong, that much is clear.’

Alexis clawed her hands together and grappled her forehead violently, shaking with frustration. Vincent was ruining everything.

‘Look, why don’t you just fuck off?’

‘I was here first,’ he said firmly before coming to join her at the edge. His persistence surprised her. She’d never seen anything like it.

Vincent leant casually over the brink. The dark, ruffled wings of his jacket rippled behind him.

‘You see, I can tell you’ve come here unprepared,’ he noted, clasping his fist and brandishing it about as if he were celebrating a victory. ‘The way you looked into the water, the hesitation, the uncertainty... The way you fought to keep your balance when I startled you. It’s obvious you’re not even sure if the fall will be enough to kill you.’

Alexis dropped her entangled hands, letting them dangle limply at her sides.

‘Won’t it?’ she asked him against her better judgment.

Vincent let out an odd, mirthless laugh. It was neither genuine nor false. Then, contrary to expectation or explanation, he began to remove his clothes.

‘What are you doing?!’

‘Proving a point,’ he answered sharply, shrugging off the coat and bending down to untie his shoes.

Alexis gawped in disbelief.

‘You can’t be serious.’

Vincent laughed again and moved on to unbuttoning his shirt.

‘Hell, why not? I could do with a swim. Come on, last one in’s a rotten egg.’

He peeled back his shirt, about to remove it.

‘Ok ok I believe you.’ Alexis extended an arm to make him stop. Vincent frowned with a curious interest, his arms caught midway out the sleeves of his unbuttoned shirt. Avoiding his piercing stare, Alexis’s eyes fell involuntarily upon his exposed chest and she gasped.

A series of blotchy marks blemished his flesh from breastplate to hipbone. She spotted more bruising on the far side of his waist but Vincent didn’t keep his shirt open long enough for her to get a closer look.

Attracted by the marks, Alexis took one step away from the frothing maw below and one closer to her stalker.

‘What are those?’

‘Mistakes,’ Vincent said equivocally, shrugging back on his shirt and coat. ‘It’s what happens when you rush into things, when your death means nothing to you.’

‘Oh,’ Alexis murmured faintly, tongue-tied by her unforeseeable circumstances.

‘Speaking of which,’ Vincent continued. ‘Why in such a rush to kill yourself anyway? It’s a Wednesday.’

Alexis quivered, on the verge of tears yet determined to stay in control, determined to be as cool and nonchalant as Vincent.

‘My boyfriend. He’s dead.’

The lonely wind howled around them.

‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ 

‘Yeah, I’m sure.’

Alexis returned to her original position and peered into her watery grave.

‘He must have been some catch, to make you this upset.’

‘He was,’ she remarked with a torn smile. ‘But it’s not just that. I made him a promise.’

‘A promise?’

‘Yeah. If anything were to happen to either of us... we’d go through it together, no matter what.’

‘How... romantic,’ Vincent uttered in an altered tone robbed of smugness. He was genuinely impressed.

‘Thank you,’ she muttered appreciatively. ‘But I’m not really doing this for love.’

‘No?’

‘No,’ she reaffirmed, shaking her drooping head. ‘To be perfectly honest, I’m doing this simply because I have nothing better to do.’

Vincent stood back in revelation.

‘You don’t say...?’ he mused aloud calculatingly. ‘Then you and I have something in common.’ Vincent knelt down, feeling the rocky floor for a smooth enough surface to sit on.

‘And what’s that?’

‘We’re both bored,’ he said with a mischievous grin, taking a seat. ‘Won’t you sit down?’