Before I Lose You Again

scared

Leanne
×××××××

I could hear the happy chatter of my daughters playing in their bedroom as i entered the house.

Lyric and Lyria were totally identical, such that some people found it difficult to differentiate between them.
But i knew my babies so well.

They both had black natural curly hair like mine. But they had inherited Khalil's deep black eyes along with his cute nose and beautiful smile...gosh, their smiles were gorgeous.

They looked alike in all possible ways one could comprehend but their personalities were different.

Lyria, whom we usually called Ria was older than Lyric by 3 minutes and 27 seconds.

Ria is quite the feisty one...always had trust issues.
She likes to analyse people before allowing them close to her. She has Khalil's stubborn attitude which i found really cute. She is allergic to fish bit she still loves all animals nonetheless. Ria has a passion for water, after all, she was born in water. She has been swimming ever since she was 3, now she's a pro.
She's quite the inquisitive one and shes very overprotective of her sister.

Whereas Lyric on the other hand was the complete opposite. She is the bubbly and talkative one, never missing a chance to make new friends. She had passion for dance just like i did when i was young. She's a very great dancer i have to admit, even though she's still six. She also has a passion for art, just like Khalil.
She draws like a 20 year old.
And her art is so beautiful and is always about hapiness. She's terrified of animals of any kind. Lyric also hates water but her fear has been subsiding since Ria has been teaching her how to swim in exchange for dance lessons.

These two were inseparable. Sometimes, they even spoke in gestures noone else could understand but them, which was preety annoying sometimes.

"Mummy!"

I turn to look at my babies running down the stairs in their minnie mouse pyjamas.

"How was it?" Ria asks in a chilled demeanour, trying to study my face.

"I got the job, darlings." I say, embracing them in a tight hug.

They start jumping up and down screaming, such that i have to cover my ears.

Some seconds later Marla and Stacy come rushing down the stairs with petrified looks.

"We thought something was wrong, " Stacy says out of breath.

I start to laugh uncontrollably and soon everyone joins in.
When the laughter finally subsides,we all make our way to the living room to sit and talk.

Everyone finally settles on watching a disney movie picked out by the girls, called Upside Down Magic.

In between the movie my thoughts start wondering off to Khalil and how much i miss him.
I know the tears are near so i excuse myself.

"Are you okay Lea," Marla asks with concern on her face.

"Yeah, i just need a moment alone," i say making my way upstairs to my room.

The moment the door closes behind me, the tears come flooding down my cheeks and im unable to control my breathing. I start to hyperventilate then i realise that im having a panic attack.

As if on cue, Marla enters the room. She freezes for a second before recollecting her thoughts and rushing to my side.

"I need you to breath for me, Leanne...okay? In....and out, take it slow, thats it. Come on, lets do it again. Breathe in...breathe out."

I start to mimick her and i start to feel myself relax until my breathing becomes perfectly normal.

"What happened all of a sudden, you havent had one of these in a very long time."

"Can you call Stacy up please, i need to tell you both."

In less than a minute, Stacy walks in with a concerned look.

"Are you okay, Lea?"
They both position themselves crosslegged besides me on the floor.

"Its Khalil," I mumble.
Marla's hands are now balled into fists in her lap.

"Where the fuck did you see that worm? What did he do to you? Did he say something? Did he hurt you? Son of a bitch, imma rip his..."

"Calm down, both of you." I glare at them.

"He did not hurt me or say anything to me, okay? He was just acting as if everything was okay between us, like he forgot what he did to me." I speak up with more confidence than i expected.

"Why didnt you just walk away from that dickhead," Stacy asks, disgust clearly in her voice.

"Because..." I pause.
"He's my new boss."

"What the fuck do you mean by that?"
"Why did you accept the job?"
Marla and Stacy are both asking me questions at the same time.

"I need the job," i lie.

"We both know you dont fucking need that job so quit lying."

"Why did you take the job, Lea?"
Stacy asks, clearly she's starting to calm down.

"Because i fucking love his ass. I never stopped loving him and l dont think i will ever stop loving him okay? I have tried but i just ca..." l break down in front of my bestfriends.

I get up and make my way towards my closet. I grab the box in which i kept all of my pictures and memories with Khalil.

I take my seat back on the floor and start to take out pictures of him and l.

"We were soo happy together...at least i was," im now smilling.
I hold out my favourite picture which was taken by Khalil's sister, Keandra.
In the picture, he was trying to braid my hair but was only managing to knot it, which got me laughing so hard, i couldn't breathe.

"I loved him soo much. I can never imagine myself hating him but im not going to give him another chance to break me again, i promise."

As im wiping my tears, i feel two little hands on my shoulders.

"Mummy?" I hear Ria ask.

"Yeah baby, what is it?"

"Is that our daddy?"