hope - oikawa x reader

empty seat

Y/N POV

No.

Why now?

I'm staring at my calendar. Just by doing this is making my stomach turn.

School starts today.

I enjoyed the holidays. At least then I didn't need to worry about stepping foot into school and being stared at. People ready to kill me, devour me, destroy me.

Ok, maybe I'm over exaggerating. But that's what it feels like.

I constantly put my head down, avoiding eye-contact at school. I tend to keep a low-profile, terrified of what my classmates think of me.

When I first came to this school, everybody didn't know each other. So everyone felt the same-- alone. I was happy. But then, people were starting to make friends and I couldn't keep up.

It was like a race.

Fast forward to the last year of school.

Everyone's finished the race.

Except me.

I gave up.

It wasn't until last year I gave up. Before, I actually tried making friends and socialising. But it always turned out the same. My friend would make other friends and eventually form a friendship group. I'd just tail along. It would work for a few months but later on, I'd feel like an intruder and slowly disband from the group. Ending up where I was at the start. Alone.

Throughout last year, I just kept to myself and accepted the fact I'm a lost cause. No matter how hard I try, I just don't seem to make that connection everyone else does. I purposely kept to myself. It hurt at first but then I realised. Hey! Being alone isn't that bad.

I'd say it to myself over and over again.

But I knew, deep down... It sucked.

————————

I'm in front of my class door.

It was a struggle, undoubtedly. While I walked through the corridors, all I could see were pupils left and right, ready to devour me. The weight of my feet felt heavier and heavier as my willpower to move decreased.

My vision was blurry, water slowly filling my eyes. I couldn't cry now. I didn't want the pupils to start feeling sorry for me.

Once the tears trickled down my cheeks, I quickly wiped them away and began to walk faster. I took a left turn. In front of me was my first class, Maths with Mrs Smith. Letting out a sigh of relief, I entered the classroom. I was the first there.

"Good morning Y/N," My teacher greeted me as I walked towards a desk.

"Good morning Mrs Smith," I smiled. It wasn't genuine, it was to hide the fact I was dying inside.

I sat down on a seat. There was an empty one beside me. While the rest of my classmates entered the class, a part of me was hoping one of them would sit next to me.

I should stop hoping, of course, no one sat next to me.

Instead of swarming myself in self-pity, I decided to play around with my calculator.

I was getting extremely bored tapping zeros into my calculator so I decided to look around the classroom, seeing what my classmates were up to.

Everyone was talking to one another about how much fun they had during the holidays. Most people had spent it with their friends, travelling abroad to these ridiculously expensive holiday trips. I just spent mine watching anime.

I turned back to my desk, examining my calculator. I wanted it to seem like I was doing something.

So, I took a pencil out of my pencil-case and began doodling on my calculator instead. I can't say I'm good at art but I can say I'm above average.

The teacher began taking the attendance and soon called out my name.

I dropped my pencil and looked at her, "Here!"

Suddenly, I could hear the whispers of my classmates.

"Is that Y/N?"

"I didn't even notice her."

"Why is she sitting by herself again?"

"You know if she tried, she'd have friends."

"Loner..."

I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at home. In my bed. Watching Demon Slayer. I wanted to do anything but stay in school.

The lesson went on and I wasn't paying attention. Instead, thoughts flooded my head. Unwanted thoughts. The teacher went through the notes which we were meant to copy and I hadn't copied any of it.

oops.

Hastily, I began to copy down the notes until the teacher moved onto the next page with a fresh set of new ones.

oops.

I started listening to the teacher, although most of what she was saying didn't make sense since I wasn't paying attention before.

o o p s.

There was a knock from the door. A staff member poked their head through the door.

"Sorry, is this Maths class 631?" They asked.

"Yes," Mrs Smith smiled.

"Oh, I've got a new student here. An exchange student."

"Wow!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, "Well that's exciting! Let's see!"

The exchange student walked slowly into the class, head up high. They smiled smugly and reached their hand out for Mrs Smith to shake.

"Good morning, ma'am." He said, smiling. He sounded foreign.

"Good morning to you too!" Mrs Smith shook his hand, "Why don't you introduce yourself to the class?"

"Oh sure," he giggled. He turned over to the front of the class.

"Hello! I'm Oikawa Tooru. An exchange student. I'm from Japan, nice to meet you!"