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Chapter 5 : Life and it's mystic nature

It's never hard as it appears to be. It is just that if we convince ourselves that some things are hard and difficult to accept, they will be. Similarly, if we convince ourselves that something will make us happy, it will definitely make us happy.

After Vishal left, I diverted every ounce of my focus towards working on myself and enhancing my capabilities. I was sure that this might help me get my mind off from this change of my life. I decided to study further and take journalism as my career. I believe that we can nurture ourselves and change the world too if we have a 100% determination. In my heart I knew if I thrive, I will succeed; I had an opportunity right then to do something that would propel my life and career to a whole new level. My gut feeling made me believe that I am capable of achieving great things. All I needed was to become the best version of myself. But since my childhood, I was used to someone's support and guidance due to which it became difficult for me to sustain my motivation for long. Being insecure about life and relationships and the fear of losing them would grip my intestines, and I wanted to overcome them to become something in life.

One day, in anxiety with no one around me, I decided to call Vishal. The phone bell kept ringing, but there was no answer on the other end. Out of rage, I banged the phone and suddenly it started ringing. Without missing a second, I picked it up hoping to hear from him. But guess what, it was my father.

"Hi beta, how come you picked up in one ring?"

"Nothing dad", I sighed.

"Waiting for someone's call?"

"No dad, you say"

"Where is your mom? Tell her to call me. It's kind of urgent."

"Okay, dad. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, beta. Everything is fine. I have good news to share and discuss with your mom."

"What is it, dad?"

"You will eventually come to know," he giggled and disconnected the phone.

I stared at the phone for a while in despair, too busy to notice what dad had said. My phone rang again and this time it was Vishal.

"I have been trying since so long. Where were you busy?"

"Why didn't you pick up my call?" I demanded.

"Extremely sorry yaar, just woke up. Is everything okay?"

"It is" and as I began to tell him everything he replied,
"Nandini, I have full faith in you. I would say listen to your gut feeling and believe in yourself. Have the courage and become who you want to be through your relentless efforts."

I knew he understands me. In almost a crying tone, I replied, "No one really supports me. You know that"

"Nandu, there are days when our brains won't function despite having low energy or a lack of inspiration; we need to find a way to keep forward. Remember progress is incremental; you have to find out ways to keep the fire in your belly burning and keep nurturing that desire to achieve whatever you want. You know I am all alone here too without friends and family and yet I am living here because I need to prove myself to everyone. I am sure you have the capability in you too, and you will be able to achieve your dreams even if you don't have people around. Always remember, I am just a call away."

Surprised, I teased him, "You have really grown wise and strong haan, vari jaau. When are you coming, Vishal?"

"Possibly Diwali, can't assure."

"Sure, let me know soon. Can't wait to see you!"

"Same here; you can call me anytime you want to."

"Call you later okay! Take care, bye."

They say that you don't get to choose who you're related to. That's true, but you do get to pick your real friends who later become more than a family to you. I have always been thankful to God for making Vishal a part my life. He has been the one in my entire thick and thins; he has supported even the craziest fantasies of my life. I really miss him so much. What would I do without him? How will I take care of myself, to be my own advisory and scheme and dream on my own, this thought itself, scares me.

I sat down and recalled each and every sentence that he told me. It gave me determination and helped me to find answers to my questions. In this time thinking, I completely forgot to inform mom about dad's call. I rushed to tell her about my conversation with dad. Mom, as usual, was busy with work, so I didn't bother.
After some hours of overthinking, I didn't know when I dozed off. My sleep was broken by my mom and her everlasting phone calls. She was continuously gossiping to somebody, and the voice agitated me. I was forced to get up. After a few minutes, she said, "She's up. I"ll call you later.

"Who is it, Ma?" I imitated these words in actions.

"It was your father'', there was a different smile on her face.

"Oh no, I forgot ha..."

"I know you forgot, that's why he called after a few hours."

"What did he say?

Mom with a mystic smile informed me,
"Your father has selected a nice guy for you."

For a moment I couldn't understand anything. My world turned upside down. When she repeated her words, I became furious and lost my temper. I started yelling at her,
"Mom are you out of your mind? I don't understand anything! You mean to say you want to throw me out again like you did before? You sent me to hostel because you guys felt I was a burden to both of you..."
My Mom had never seen me lose my temper like this before, so she politely patted my head, but I jerked her hand off me and with tears in my eyes I ran to my bedroom. I latched the door and cried and cried. I was yet not settled with one change; how I could be ready for another.

After some time, I decide to go to an STD booth to call up Vishal and tell him about all this drama that had happened in the house, but unfortunately he didn't pick up even after ten to fifteen attempts. I felt helpless. My world seemed to have gone upside down and inside out. I walk back home and decide to talk to my parents once my dad was home.

It has always been easy for me to talk to mom rather than dad because being scared of him since childhood, I find it difficult to communicate my thoughts and feelings with him. Late evening when dad came home, I gathered all the courage to speak to him. After all, it was the matter of my entire life. At the dining table I spoke in a low voice, "Dad you have found a guy for me?
But I don't want to get married now. I want to study further and become a journalist. Please don't do this to me."
I waited for him to reply; my heart was drumming which my ears could hear clearly
"Beta, all girls have to get married one day, leave their parents' house and be happy with their life partner. And who told you that you can't study after marriage and can't pursue your career? We have thought what is best for you; this guy is the son of a big business tycoon, a self-made man who is very simple and good looking too. I am sure once you meet him you will realize that your parents are not wrong. We know what is best for you."

"But Dad", I sighed but stopped as I saw his face. I found my heart crying in grief. I wanted to shout and say aloud about my desires, my dreams, my wishes but didn't have the courage to say or do anything against my own folks who had done so much to raise me. That night again, I fell on the bed of sorrow and left the rest on fate to decide for me.