Dear Hope

Chapter 3: Hope

I think that it's about 3 o'clock in the morning and my bed sheets are wet because I can't control my temperature which means I'm sweating and smelling like a wet dog at the same time. How embarassing...

I keep having these nightmares that my doctor said I will be getting very often. Dr. Arden tells me that my biggest fears will be faced in these dreams and that they're only side effects to my medications, well mostly the chemo. I hate chemotherapy and always will! It makes my hair abnormally frizzy and short and my skin feels very elder like, if you know what I mean. 

I feel like I need to share my story, the real story. Not the kind that you make up when you're in grade 4 or 5, no. My cancer story...

"Hope, are you feeling okay?" I hear a whisper from the hospital room door, the same door where I tend to vomit, only because I feel like it's safe there. Yes I do consider myself as weird if that's what you were wondering by any chance.

I can't quite figure out the person's facial expression, looks quite vague to me. And the voice doesn't seem to familiar either, I can see a light in the distance, my body is going all numb. But I must be in some kind trance or hallucination. I stand up, feet firmly on the ground, hands side by side and chin up. I follow the figure, past the door, into the hallways' leading out to the exit. Wait. What's going on, I feel my body vibrating and I'm shaking.

"Hope! Hope! Wake up!"

I open my eyes, blinking out the light finding myself in the surgery ward, where they usually operate on people, what am I doing here? I ask myself.

My mum grabs hold onto me and screams,

"I'm so sorry baby girl, we haven't, I mean I haven't  been paying enough attention, I'm trying to get my job back on the tracks so that we can pay for your treatments, forgive me, they told me you will live longer, don't let go baby girl."

My mum's voice melted into my heart and I manged to swallow. Dr. Arden asks her to sit in the waiting room and that I will shortly recover but I thought that nothing was wrong, I just went out for a little fresh air, I don't remember quite what happened.