Golden |2| The Umbrella Academy

NINETEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN: PARADOX PSYCHOSIS

Nobody said a word. They were sat at a table in the centre of the pub, both Five's stared at each other with a mixture of anger and even hate while Luther sipped at his beer. Lotus was leaned back, watching her Five start to break a sweat.

"You're climbing that paradox ladder real quick." She mumbled at him, he ignored her.

Luther placed his glass on the table, "Well, this is nice, isn't it? The three of us together, and Lotus."

"No." Both Five's spoke in unison, nowhere near close to finishing off their staring competition.

"Someone explain to me how I'm having a pint of Guinness with my younger self."

"Older, actually." Young Five glared, "I'm you, just fourteen days older."

"How is that possible?"

"I can't explain. One hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you break your contract with the Commission. I already know you're thinking about it. All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family." Teen Five leaned forward, "Well, today you're going to do something about it. Today you are going to attempt to travel forward to 2019. However, you're going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of a body, trapped forever, small, pubescent—"

"Okay! Even if I was to believe you, what am I supposed to do about it- not jump?"

"No, no, I need you to jump. If you don't jump, I cease to exist. What I need from you is to jump correctly."

Old Five nodded eagerly, "I'm listening."

"The first time through, I got the calculation wrong. That's how I ended up in this body. But now, I know the correct calculation."

The fell into a quick silence as they soaked in all the information, "What is it?" Older Five questioned.

"I'd be glad to tell you." Young Five nodded, "In exchange for that briefcase you're hiding under the table."

Luther cleared his throat, "Yeah, yeah. So you go back to 2019, as planned but this time with the right math so you remain a full grown man. In exchange, we get that briefcase that you no longer need."

"Time restored, paradox resolved." Five clenched his fists on the table, a bead of sweat trailed down his temple. "Everyone goes on existing happily ever after."

"That's quite a bit to take in."

"What do you think?"

"I think." Older Five grounded out, "I need to piss."

Lotus sighed as he stood up, collected his two briefcases and headed towards the bathrooms. "That went well." She muttered grabbing a napkin, reaching for Five's face as he swatted her away.

"You look like you just took a shower." She hissed, dabbing his forehead. "We're your spotters, remember?"

Luther nodded, "Besides the flop sweat, I think that went well."

"No, no, there's something... something doesn't feel right about this."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't trust him!"

Lotus pursed her lips, "Five, sweetie, he's you."

"Exactly!"

Luther stood up, tucking his chair in. "I'll go talk to him."

They watched as he disappeared through the bathroom door, she could hear Five's foot tapping under the table.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Five."

"What?"

Lotus pursed her lips, grabbing his shaky hands on the table. "Just take a deep breath."

His eyes were wide as he stared at the bathroom doors, he said nothing.

"Hey— look at me." She whispered, and when he met her gaze his expression softened. "This is gonna work. You're gonna be fine."

"You don't know that."

"This was your plan." She told him, "And so far, for the most part they tend to work before we all ruin it."

He tapped the table, "It's going to get worse. The paradox psychosis."

"And I'll be here. Luther can be slow sometimes, I got your back."

He chuckled, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, yeah. Okay."

Lotus leaned back, handing him a napkin. He took it and wiped his face down, she suppressed a laugh as a thin layer of the napkin stuck to his nose. She reached over and peeled it off, "You're welcome."

He crinkled his nose, chewing on his bottom lip. She never saw him paranoid, usually he always had his walls up and didn't pay attention to anything expect for what needed to be done. Now, he kept looking over his shoulders, brows furrowed as he then trained his attention back to the bathroom doors that were just out of sight.

"They're taking to long." He mumbled, "What if they're conspiring against me?"

"Why would Luther do that?"

"Because that's what I would do."

Lotus clicked her tongue, "You're fine. Just relax and wipe your face again, Jesus man, I've never seen anyone sweat this much before."

He shook his head, his expression turning serious. "Listen, if things go haywire, you get out of there, alright?"

"What—"

"I'm not letting you get hurt on my watch, you hear me? If things get crazy, you blink out."

Lotus rolled her eyes, leaning towards him. "No, you listen to me. Things can go crazy, I don't care, I'm not leaving your side."

"I'm not letting you die against me again, alright."

"I won't. I have tricks up my sleeve now." She stared at him, "I'm not just gonna leave you when you need me."

Five sighed, shaking his head. "Fine. If we end it all, at least you'll be by my side."

"You're a very sarcastic boy, you know that?"

Five's attention flicked up to Luther who approached with the other version of himself.

"Are we good?" Lotus pulled herself up, staring between the two men.

"We're good." Luther nodded.

Older Five agreed, "You got a deal. We gotta hurry, Kennedy's en route. Less than an hour til showtime."

"Why are you so anxious all of a sudden to get going?" Five stood up, shaking out his hands.

"Relax. You're getting paranoid."

"Oh, am I?"

Lotus looked to Luther who only shrugged, just as a new smell seeped into the air. Both Five's looked away and to the floor.

"Oh my god." She muttered walking around them and towards the front door, "Let's get this show on the road."

*~*~*

Random blurb but I just found out Umbrella Academy was filmed in the Toronto area and some in Hamilton Ontario which is literally an hour from where I live and I'm shook 😂