Hopelessly Falling [book 2]

Chapter Twenty

XX
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** Eli's POV **

        My eyes blinked open as I slowly came to my senses. I smelled a nice scent, one that I had gotten familiar with, and then realized that I had my arm draped over Layla's stomach.

When I took my arm off of her to rub my eyes, she began to stir. I looked down at her and we smiled at each other. She looked so goddamn beautiful in the dim, golden morning light.

But then, it seemed to hit us both at the same time.

Shit.

What the fuck had I done?! I knew she was off limits. I KNEW it.

She made me feel like no one else ever had or could. EVER. I guess that I had wildly overestimated my ability to resist that feeling.

"Shit," I said, sitting up against my headboard, "shit shit why did I let myself do that last night?! Godamnit." I continued, and she hugged the sheets to her chest, watching me as I ran my hands through my hair.

"Your brother is going to fucking murder me. I'm talking like.. MURDER me," I said to her, starting to freak out a little. She looked down.

"Yeah, and then he's gonna kill me, too," she said, but I kept looking down. "It's not like we have to tell him," she added and I looked back up at her. It hurt me, and I mean physically hurt me how much I wanted to be able to be with her.. but wasn't able to.

"I'm sorry if I.. if I made you feel like you had to.." I tried to apologize, but I didn't know how, or even exactly for what, "fuck I'm such an idiot, I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? She asked.

"Because I went on and on about how you deserve a nice guy who will treat you right and then I just came in and, well, you know, last night," I started, "and now you might be in a mess with your brother even though you just found him again and you shouldn't be-"

"Eli," she cut off my rambling and I sighed, looking back up at her, "it's fine. I get it. Sorry I made you feel so terrible," she said, bitterness lining her words as she got out of bed and slipped her dress back on.

"That's not what I meant," I quickly said, not realizing that she had been taking my words in a different context. "Layla- can we just talk about this please."

"No, it's fine, I have to go pick Jake up from his sleepover. We can talk later," she didn't meet my gaze, and I felt my heart growing heavy. I couldn't have her, but I couldn't lose her. The bottom line was that I couldn't lose her.

"Layla, I-"

"Eli if you regret it this much then there isn't much to talk about, is there?" She finally looked back up at me, and I could see the pain in her eyes. For the first time ever, I saw pain in her expression. Pain that I caused.

"I don't regret it," I told her, trying not to sound as completely desperate as I felt.

"I think it might have just been a mistake. I mean, we were just two horny teenagers who had been lonely for a too long and we let it get the best of us. I mean, it even would've been one thing if we just kissed but we didn't we.. you know," she said to me, and I just kept looking at her. I messed it up. Already. I can't believe I let myself mess it up. This was the one thing I didn't want to mess up and I did, with flying colors.

"It's not your fault, though, I'm not upset with you or anything," she told me. She must have noticed how down I was acting. It was silent for a few moments.