Embers

Conflicted

Chapter 36
Conflict - Jaskier's POV

The cold water that dripped from his hair, left him shivering. The snow had melted and turned to water, making Jaskier shiver while he glanced at Geralt.

"She's angry," the Witcher stated and Jaskier huffed.

"I couldn't say," he murmured. "She let it snow."

"I'm sure she meant for something more....harsher," Geralt spoke while he turned on his heels. "You're an idiot, Bard. I told you this countless times before. Your jealousy has no ground of reason. Her mind was with you all these months, not me."

"You heard that," he put his hands in his pockets and felt the shame wash over him.

Yet, Jaskier wasn't sorry that he said it. It was something that kept circling his mind since he arrived at Kaer Mohren. The Witcher was protective of Eira and the worry on the White Wolf's face was evident when Eira didn't woke.

"I did," Geralt murmured while disappearing out of the room.

Jaskier followed, certain the witcher would lead him to the food. His stomach hurt from hunger by now.

"You have to understand, Jaskier," Geralt spoke and glanced over his shoulder, "I do care about Eira. It's the magic that binds us. I grew....attached to the Elemental."

Jaskier sighed and felt a sudden gulf of sadness wash over him.

"But I don't love her like you think," Geralt held his pace and turned to face the bard fully. "I don't love her like you do."

At first, Jaskier was speechless, then an awkward, nervous laughter escaped him.

"Well, I ..., I don't...Well I do, but... no. I mean,...," he scratched his hair again and felt his cheeks heat up. "Shit," he finally said and gave up to find his words.

Geralt smirked and shook his head.

"Never thought you were so stubborn, bard."

"I'm not," he countered back and both started walking again.

"You are."

"No, I'm not. I'm conflicted," Jaskier admitted and ignored the impatient sigh that came from the witcher. "Geralt, she's an Elemental. That means her body isn't her own. She... she took a human's body."

Geralt stopped again and swiveled around to face him.

"She took the body of a woman who was dying," he said harsh. "Not some woman who was in the prime of her age. Not the first beautiful one she saw. No, she fucking waited for 80 years until she finally found a body. She isn't like the other ones that roamed the world. And if you don't bloody see that, bard," he spat, "then you might as well leave like you did before. And you better don't come back."

Jaskier breathed out when Geralt turned around again.

"I'm not leaving," he stated firmly and followed the witcher through the cold corridors of Kaer Mohren. "I left because I was taken by surprise."

"Hmm," Geralt said, but didn't pay attention to the bard no more.

"Hey!" Jaskier suddenly grabbed Geralt by the arm to make the witcher face him. He needed to explain and felt anger rise in his chest. "You're not the only one worried about her. I was worried for months. There wasn't a second she was out of my head. I needed to know what she was. It's who I am. I research things, I read about history. I was a scholar before I became a bard. I don't have a silver sword or the knowledge you have."

He breathed in, while the witcher looked at Jaskier without emotion etched on his face.

"I love her, okay," he admitted. "I liked her when I met her in the Inn after Blaviken, I fell in love with her after we got seperated in the woods. I'm just... I'm a bard. I don't have the strength like you do to protect her if something goes wrong."

"I don't need protection, Jaskier," a soft voice came from behind Geralt's back.

Both men turned to face Eira who stood in the doorway of the main hall. Bread in one hand, red meat in the other and Jaskier was relieved that the dark circles underneath her eyes seemed to disappear.

"I'm out," Geralt said and made himself scarce, disappearing into the shadows of the corridors the witcher no doubt knew so well.

Jaskier leaned with his hands on his hips and felt caught.

"I don't want your protection," Eira spoke, all the anger from before gone. "I only wanted you."

"Eira, you were being terrorized by another Elemental. If I had been there..."

"She would still have done it," Eira stated and Jaskier caught her gaze.

He bit his lip, rubbed his hair again and nodded.

"I'm sorry. For leaving. I panicked, it was wrong. I shouldn't have left."

Eira looked at him for a while and the bard held her gaze. When she looked down at her feet and played with a white ribbon from her grey dress, Jaskier smiled vaguely. She was nervous, he could tell.

"I'm sorry too," she whispered. "I should have told you what I am from the start. I wanted too," she looked up at him. "I really did. After a while, I got scared that you would..."

Jaskier pinched his lips together.

"Would leave you," he finished for her and the guilt rose in his stomach, painful and hard.

"I'm not evil," she murmured silently. "I'm not. I know why you would think that. There aren't any good stories about Elementals. Only horrid ones. I'm not here to destroy or ..."

"Eira," he interrupted her and swiftly moved to take her hands in his. She dropped the bread without hesitation. "I know. I just need... information. And it seems, you're the only one who can give it to me. I should have asked you and listened. Not run to Oxenfurt."

A smile passed over her lips that reached her eyes and Jaskier felt her hands tighten gently around his. His heartbeat sped up when he looked at her.

"You look...terrible," he said and Eira let out a short laugh.

"I need a bath and fresh clothes," she agreed. "I feel as if I slept for months, yet I'm exhausted."

"What if I make sure there's a warm bath ready for you in your chamber? After you bathed and got dressed, we'll eat together. You can tell me all about yourself. I want to know."

He did. The bard really wanted to know all about Eira. The young woman who loved sunflowers and laughing. When her smile widened slowly, Jaskier could easily see behind the exhaustion that she carried.

Hesitantly, he let her hands go and nodded.

"I'll go find Geralt and ask about the bath," he said.

"I go to Yennefer to ask for clothes," she smiled and turned quickly to disappear into the main hall again.

Jaskier turned around and almost bumped against Triss.

"Miss Merigold," he apologized and walked passed her.

"Jaskier," her voice pulled him back out of his thoughts about Eira and Jaskier held his pace to glance over his shoulder.

"I'm looking for Geralt. Eira would like to take a bath," he started, but then noticed the firm look on the Sorceress face.

"No matter what Eira says," she said while gracefully walking closer to him. "You should be aware that in the past White Elementals turned Black quite fast. It is bound to happen to Eira. It runs in their blood."

Jaskier raised a brow and shook his head.

"No," he chuckled nervously, "I don't believe that. There's no such information."

"Ask Yennefer. We learned about Elementals at the Tower of Swallows. Not much, only that all Elementals turn bad eventually."

Jaskier gritted his teeth and shook his head. A flare of anger rose in his chest.

"No, I'm not believing it for a second," he snapped. "I don't care who you are, even less what you say. Thank you for bringing me here, Miss Merigold. As far as I'm concerned, we have no business together."

He strode towards the corridor to find the Witcher. Making a mental note to keep eye out on Triss. And to find Yennefer of Vengerberg later.