Falling For You | ✓

12

After the talk with the girls about the perfect man, the topic seemed to have stayed on Nicole's mind.

Whilst in bed, Nicole could help but reflect on her love life.

Her first relationship was back in high school.

It seemed like at that time, everyone was getting into relationships with one another, including her friends.

Even back then, she was never a shy girl and was fairly popular among her peers. However, it was still that awkward phase of high school, that made her feel reluctant.

It was weird going from that phase of 'boys are icky', to wanting to hold their hand or to go out for ice cream with them.

Although Nicole had passed the first phase, she still didn't know if she was ready for the other.

It wasn't really peer pressure that made her want to get into a relationship, but it still wasn't exactly for the right reasons either.

She'd see all her friends in a couple, and wanted something like that too.

When a boy finally asked her out, Nicole felt nervous and excited.

At the start it was awkward, since they both didn't really know how to go about things, and whenever they were with friends and made any sort of gesture to each other, it was pointed out.

Soon after being in a couple, Nicole felt she maybe just liked the idea of it, rather than actually liking it.

They only really ever stuck to kissing, with Nicole not really wanting to go any further.

Things felt a little forced, as if she were putting on an act for everyone else.

There was this weird kind of social acceptance back in high school, that was dependent on your personal life. If you were single, the question was, 'why are you single?' If you were with someone, then everyone would know about it and all eyes would be on you.

Being in the group of friends that she was, Nicole found that everyone liked to discuss who she was with a lot.

At one point, she was in the toilets, and could hear some girls gossiping on how far they think she would've gone with her boyfriend.

Their opinions or words shouldn't have bothered her, because they were irrelevant in her life, but it still did.

That was also included in the reasons as to why she never really wanted to go any further than making out.

Before the end of that same summer they had got together, Nicole and her then-boyfriend broke things off, and soon enough, the guy she was with, started dating someone else.

The knowledge of that should've bothered her, since it was technically her ex, but it really didn't, despite all the gossiping that people did.

She realised then, that she clearly didn't care enough about him to even be sad about the break up, or him being with anyone new.

The way she saw it, him being with someone else was probably more fair, since she was probably lying to herself for the duration of time that they were together, and he didn't deserve that.

It was after that first breakup, that Nicole began to really think about what she wanted in a boyfriend, or if she even wanted one at all.

Her next boyfriend was then in college.

Once again, everyone was getting into relationships, but this time Nicole knew what she wanted...well, partially.

By this time, movies and shows kind of gave her an inkling on what relationships looked liked and so, naively, Nicole formed her opinion on that.