From the Archives

TLC

Trigger warning: Implied self-harm/self-harm mention

He sees you there, breathing heavily, hunched over the seat of your desk chair, shirt hiked up over your mid-riff and x-acto knife clutched in your trembling hand. He can see that you've been distraught for a long while, can smell it on you, taking note of your red, puffy eyes wet with tears and your sniffling nose. You hardly register that he's there until he is, the warmth of his broad chest enveloping your back like a blanket as he wraps his arms around you. You welcome his touch as you are far too upset to even think of pushing him away. Not that you would ever dare to begin with, knowing all too well that things would likely only worsen if you did.

"Ohhhhhhh, sweet thing..." He coos into your ear. "Why would you do such terrible things to yourself, hmm?" With a hand far more gentle than you thought him capable he slides the cutting instrument from your hand with deft fingers, almost seeming to whisk it away into nothing as he tsks down at you, not mockingly as he so often did but in what almost sounded like concern for your wellbeing.

"My poor, hurting little pet... Poor, precious child..." He strokes the top of your head as he whispers comforting lilting words to you, like a mother to a squalling babe, and slowly but surely your inconsolable sniffling begins to taper into silence. He hums.

"Hmm, yes, that's better... Pennywise doesn't want to see you cry, not now... To tell the truth, he'd rather see you crying with pleasure, but tonight is not the night for such things, no no... Not when his precious pet is in such desperate need of care... These things can wait..."

Without warning he hoists your aching body into his arms, turning you around to face him, his amber eyes gleaming with something you couldn't quite place. Warmth, affection, concern? From such a terrible beast? You couldn't quite say for certain, but you weren't in the right mind to question it.

"That's right, pretty pet... Rest your precious little head... Let Pennywise take care of you..."

Despite your confusion your heart flutters at such unexpected consideration from your monstrous companion, who you'd come to know as distinctively harsh and brutal in his actions ever since his introduction into your life, so much so that the mere idea of stepping out of line under his scrutiny rather terrified you. But now he seems a clown of a different temper, taking care not to upset your tender, beaten body too much as he seats himself gently on your mattress. Sitting crosslegged, his boots against your back cage you to his imposing form as he continues stroking you down with feather-light gloved fingers, taking extra care when those digits ghost over your self-inflicted cuts and scratches, shushing you gently when you suck in pained, hitching breaths through your teeth and sob into his chest.

"Its okay, little thing, precious thing... Pennywise is here... Shhh, shhhhh now..."

You can detect insectile chirping sounds amid purring in his voice now, feeding in and out of each other like frequencies on a radio as he brings you down from your hysteria with the practiced ease of an expert, though where he could have possibly garnered this kind of expertise was positively lost on you. Again, you didn't question it.

"Such a silly girl... A silly girl you are, do you know that? Doing such things to yourself..." He pauses for a moment, brushing a wayward lock of hair behind your ear.

"Will you promise Pennywise that you'll stop this? ...Hmm? Look at me, pretty pet... Look at Pennywise..."

He tilts your chin ever so slightly and your glossy hazel eyes sync up with his, those blinding yellow suns that stare right into your very soul. If those eyes weren't filled with such warmth and kindness you might shrink away from them as you usually did. But not now. Against all odds, now was different. It never ceased to amaze you just how truly unpredictable Pennywise could be in his actions, inspiring such fear and terror in you one night as he pinned you down, using your body with the ravenous hunger of a wild animal and the next offering such generous displays of care, patience and understanding that had you melting in his hands like honey. With each passing second you began to realise that he was the only antidote your suffering needed, feeling your misery slowly begin to replace itself with earnest adoration for the clown holding you in his arms as he took the time to comfort you so thoroughly. You saw the whole world looking back at you, everything you ever wanted or needed being with him, in his hold, belonging to him and, in some strange way, him belonging to you. Despite it all, what he has done and will continue to do, to evoke such uncharacteristic behavior in a creature known to everyone else for such irredeemable behavior and horrific acts of cruelty made you feel... Special.

The sensation of his gloves running over your cuts is soothing, like a warm bath to fatigued bones after a hard day's work, and you can't help but find yourself becoming increasingly placated by his tender touches, staring back into his eyes as he speaks softly, his words a lullaby you now welcome all too readily. "Pretty, pretty girl, all mine... Pennywise's precious pet... And Pennywise can't have his precious pet doing such reckless things to hurt herself, can he? No... I intend to keep you fully intact, my dear, for as long as possible..."

"I'm... I'm sorry..." Your eyes fill with tears again as your gaze falters. You bury your head against his chest in shame, deciding that you'd rather hide from him in this moment rather than confront the foolishness of your own actions.

"I couldn't help myself...I felt..." You choked for a second, blinking hard and letting the tears disappear into the silk of his suit. "...Worthless."

"Oh, no no no...."

He cups your face with his hands, coaxing your gaze back from his chest to meet his firm, fixed stare. "Sweet, silly thing, little darling... You could never be worthless... You're mine, forever and always. I couldn't have picked a better pet than you, precious. You were made for me, put on this planet to be mine, to make me happy..."

You suck in a deep breath through your nose, sniffling, not daring to break eye contact with him, though at this point you couldn't if you tried. You were hypnotized.

"...Do I... Make you happy?" Your voice is feeble and mouse-like, almost afraid of the answer, but you couldn't help but find the words leaving your lips like a thought spoken aloud. In that moment you needed to know.

He hums at you, a pleasant trilling sound coming out of his chest. "Sweet, sweet child... What a ridiculous question. You would not live to see another sunrise if you didn't."

Sensing your sudden unease at his last statement, he giggles, mussing your hair with a playful hand. "Do not worry, my precious pet. As I've said, you were made for me... I wouldn't settle for less than perfection, you know... And you, my timid, hazel-eyed little trifle, are positively perfect for me. Perfect, perfect, perfect. A perfect fit for Pennywise."

It was so purely unlike him to be so generous with his words that you felt yourself getting choked up again, your throat tightening as you swallow and close your eyes, gently nuzzling the hand still cupping your cheek that was buzzing with warmth of a different kind now. He purrs with delight at the gesture of affection, dropping his other hand down from your head to join the other side of your face again so he can wipe the remaining tears from your chin with the thumb of his glove.

"Mmm, that's my girl. Now, promise me... Promise Pennywise you won't do this again. I want to hear you say it, pet."

"I-I won't... I promise..."

" Good girl ." He beams at you, bringing his hands down to rest gently on your hips. Not harshly and possessively as he so often did, but with grace and poise, like you were a rare work of art to be handled with the utmost of care. You take this as an invitation to move in closer to him, hooking your arms underneath his to rest on his upper back so you can comfortably lay your head against his chest. He's stroking you again; long, thorough strokes with his hands, his touch like an elixir to every one of your ailments, breathing contentment into your weary body as you savor each second of it, of him. You didn't know whether or not this really would be the last time, but here with him, it didn't matter. All that mattered was now.

"Good girl, precious girl, yes... Don't worry, my pet, it will all be okay..."

You believed him.