Watch Me Burn | Massimo Torricelli

Chapter Twenty-Seven • End Game

She was just lying there.

In a messy bed that recently had become my favorite.

The bed that allowed me to breathe for a while when I was suffocating.

She starts waking up, as I can see.

"You had a good time?" She asked as her eyes got struck my the shine of the sun.

"We need to talk," I sat on the edge of the bed.

"About what?" She sat down too.

"Laura is missing, I don't know where she went but she was initially going to her parents' house with Olga but then..." I looked at her.

"Really, Massimo? you came here to tell me a story about how you lost your wife? Are you insane?" She scolded.

"I am lost, Bellissa. And I knew somewhere deep within my existence that only you can get me back! I'm so lost. I'm fucking lost,"

"So that's what I am to you, somebody who you can run into in times of need when you can't even remember me when you had everything in your life. You come running back to me when everything doesn't turn out to be what you wanted." She started to raise her voice once more.

"It's not like that, we're looking at different perspectives and I do not think that you are getting my point!"

"What is your point then?" She asked.

"I need you to think about it," I looked straight into her eyes.

"Okay. I'm listening. I'll try to, at least,"

"Laura. I think she's cheating on me with Nacho. He is my gardener, and I don't think that he and Laura get along so well but I have an instinct that something must've been going on." I explained.

"What do you want me to do then?"

"Be here for me, at least. Even when you were just pretending."

"Really, Massimo? You had the nerve to say that to me when I am in front of you, trying to help you with whatever you need after you just took out everything from me again." She tried to stand up.

"Bellissa, I should've married to you. I mean it. And I'm so sorry for neglecting you for so many times because I was so blinded by Laura. And I keep on regretting my life decisions. You know how broke I am. And you knew exactly how to fix me."

"Let me guess, by giving you the best sex of your life?" She crossed her arms.

"Your presence, it all that matters. You don't understand that by just standing in front of you heals me in ways that I couldn't imagine, and I know you don't know that... but here I am saying it directly to you just so you know!"

"Was I supposed to be touched by that?"

"No, I want you to understand it." I said, in a lowest tone as possible.

"Okay, Massimo... I'm not your doll. I'm not your sex toy, and I'm not your psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever it is that you need. I know you needed me and I am fully aware of that. It's just that you care so much about yourself that you don't even care about what I feel anymore. You came here talking about Laura when in fact, I missed you. I missed you, Massimo. It's just... it hurts so much to think that when we finally get the chance to be with each other— to be real with each other, all you motherfucking say was Laura. It's always Laura, and it will always be Laura. Just admit it, even if time passes by— even if years go by, it's still Laura, Massimo. I know that that will never change. It's already imprinted in you and you cannot change that. You are married, might I remind you. You cannot just make impulsive decisions that you'll regret. Just take a look at what happened when you did,"

"Yeah, thank you for knocking some sense into me. I appreciate that."

"I'm glad you finally did. I'm glad you finally appreciated something that I did." She turned her back on me.

"I always do. I just don't know how to thank you for it."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" She went to the comfort room and close the door.

"Everything. Everything is wrong with me."

"You know what... I think we cannot be anything more than this, Massimo — no matter how hard you try or no matter how hard WE try, we're just going to end up hurting each other." she said, muffled.

"We do not know that for sure" I said, from the other side of the door.

"But that's the way I see it,"

"But what if we try?" I tried to pursue her.

"And when Laura comes back, where will I be again? I've already moved on Massimo and then you come waltzing back to my life and then here I was. Back to zero"

"But what if we were meant to be?"

"We aren't and I'm gonna need you to accept that,"

"Just think about it! Why am I here if I do not want to make things up with you? why would I be here if it weren't for you?" I punched the door.

"Because Laura is gone that's why you were trying to go back to where you were happy at least once in your life which is with me, but you never considered how I am feeling and I'm never going to risk again," she screamed.

"But what if it's worth it?"

"All you care about was the sex,"

"How can you say that?"

"Because you kept coming back for it whenever you need it or no one's giving it to you as of right now, Laura's gone, so what now?" I can feel the tension in her voice.

"So that's what you think"

"No. That's what I see, that's what I feel!"

"Well, I guess I cannot change your mind"

"Yeah, I think so too"

There was silence, and the door opened and she went out.

"So what's going to happen to us?" I asked.

"We'll finally be free — without each other or fixing each other,"

"You don't need to fix me. I'm going to fix myself so that I will not be a menace for you — only if you give me another chance I will prove myself that I am worthy of your love," I tried to come near her.

"How can you do that when you are currently married to someone who's been kidnapped and God knows maybe she's looking for you? Or waiting for you to save her?" she looked up at me.

"She would've gone home! she would've follow my instructions! She could've gone back home straight after what she was doing! You know, in the past six months we've been very distant from each other. We still live in the same house, but we barely see each other. We barely talk to each other. I don't know where it went wrong, but I felt like she's been craving for something that I cannot give. Dammit Bellissa, she lost our child!!!" I broke down.

"Massimo, I didn't know..." she pulled me into a hug.

"You didn't know because you never listen! You didn't want me to explain to you what happened!"

"I'm so sorry,"

"You wanted to end things,"

"It's not what it looks like... it's just — I cared for myself. It's like — I wanted, for the first time in my life, to prioritize myself— to take care of myself. To give myself some air that I am so longing to have. To breathe again." She explained. "Look, I can help you find her or whatever healing it is that you need, but I'm going to need us to settle for that. Nothing more than friends or business partners for that matter."

"Agree,"

That was a relief, and for the first time I get to smile again or rather, I get to feel that warm feeling that someone cares for me. I am not known for being this soft, but that's what I feel around her.

The one, and only Bellissa Maranzano.