A True Story (Trigger Warning)

My first memory

I used to didn't know how to act. How to handle my emotions properly, so I did everything I wasn't supposed to do. I annoyed, irritated and even picked on people. But I didn't know what else to do. I was dealing with a mountain of stress and problems but I still skipped around like nothing was wrong and portrayed myself to the world as carefree, hyper, and crazy. Although, the last one was unintentional. All the while going through daily panic attacks, flashbacks, mental breakdowns, depression and suicidal thoughts and actions. I must have been 4 or 5 when it started. That's also happens to be around the time I escaped with my brothers from an abusive and negligent home.

We would be locked in our room with no food, no water, and no place to relieve ourselves other than the designated corner. Every once and a while we would be given food and water so we wouldn't die but it really wasn't enough for an even okay diet. We were malnourished, and dehydrated constantly. At nights, we would be forced all together in a bed with a mountain of heavy, and overwhelmingly hot blankets. All told to put our heads under the covers, and as a person who's lungs are overall trash, it was basically me feeling like I was suffocating but just enough air that I could stay conscious for it all.

One night I couldn't take it, so I put my nose to the opening of the cover. It was only enough for my nose to stick out, but It helped tremendously. That's when, within a seconds notice our covers where yanked off. The light now on and a my mother's boyfriend yanked me out of bed by my hair. He put his hand tightly around my throat and slammed me on the wall. The entire time I was suffocating and my feet couldn't find the ground. He took out a gun and put it to my head, screaming aggressively. I didn't know what he was saying but it scared the shit out of me. He threw me to the ground and beat me til I couldn't move. My brothers forced to face the wall all the while this is happening. Once finished he left, slamming the door behind him and locking it shut. I'm not sure, but I think he was standing at the doorway the whole time we were in bed. He was so unbelievably quick that at the time, I thought he was a genuine monster.

A few weeks after that we couldn't take the thirst and hunger anymore. We decided to leave while everyone was still asleep. My older brother pried the small window we had open, and although it was a big drop for small children we didn't care if bones were broken. Once open, The oldest jumped first, then the youngest so that the oldest could catch him and lastly me. After all was down we started to pull up grass and shove it in our mouths. We spotted a pool in our neighbors yard so we ran over there and began drinking from it.

Not too long after, the neighbor saw us and took us inside her small trailer home. I'm not sure why I remember this but, there was a tiny princess table. The one you see for toddlers. She gave each of us a bowl of fruity pebbles and it was amazing. I think that might be the reason why I'm so fond of that brand. In the middle of eating, the police came. I also remember hearing her on the phone with the 911 operator. We finished up, and left thoroughly confused as to who these people were. Everything is blurry after that, and I'm pretty sure my mother's boyfriend tried shooting us but I couldn't be sure.

I'm getting tired and so I guess that will be it for chapter one of my life. Thank you for coming this far. Have an amazing and wonderful night/day.