Look For My Love

The Truth

* sorry I know this chapter is very long and has a lot of dialogue but after four years they have a lot to talk about 😊💗

" what are you doing here" was all I could muster up while staring him in the face.
" Sweetheart , you really didn't think I wasn't going to look for you did you?"
" I hoped you wouldn't" I said barely above a whisper.
"You did make it a little bit harder by changing your last name and moving across the country, but in the end I found you" he said with a smile across his face. But then his smile faded and his eyes got sad.
" Just tell me one thing" I could hear the sadness in his voice.
" what?"
"What did I do? What did I do to make you want to leave me?" He said with a strain in his voice.
Before I could say anything I heard a small voice behind me. Fuck.

" Mama Ollie had an accident again" Amaya said rubbing her eyes as she got to the bottom of the stairs.
Turning around I said " ok baby. Tell Ollie I'll be up in a second."

She turned around and trudged back up the stairs. As I turn back around he looked at me in confusion.
All I could think was " fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck".

Before I could stop myself I opened the door wider and said " come in". As he walked past me I got hit by his beautiful smell. My god this man has never smelled bad a day in his life.

"Just make yourself comfortable in the living room. There's wine in the fridge if you want some, give me like 20 minutes I have to go take care of something real quick." As I walked upstairs I heard him say ok.

When I came back downstairs with sheets in my hand I found Vincent sitting on the couch. I walked over to the washer and threw the sheets in. I took a deep breath and headed to the living room preparing myself for this conversation. Vincent was stationed on one end of the couch and I decided to sit on the other. We sat like that for about two minutes before he finally spoke.

" how old are they?"
" They'll be four on Saturday."
He nodded.
" what's their names?"
" Oliver and Amaya."
" Are they in school already?"
" They start preschool September 1st."
He nods again.
" tell me about them."
" Well Ollie is the oldest but Mymy acts like she is. She takes after you more. She has your personality, attitude and your temper." He smiles at this.
" and what about Oliver?"

" Well Ollie looks the most like you and is quite sensitive and extremely shy. Amaya is very independent where Ollie  just likes to be around somebody just to be able to feel comfort. He gets really bad nightmares and wets the bed whenever he does."
" what does he have nightmares about?" He said with a concerned look on his face.
" you have to promise not to laugh."
" ok" he said with a confused look on his face.
" When the kids were two we went to visit my grandparents and while my grandmother was feeding him her dentures fell out and hit his food. Ever since then he's been having nightmares about dentures."

Silence. For about 10 seconds there was pure silence. Then out of nowhere he bust out laughing. Giggling I kicked him in his leg " you promised you wouldn't laugh".
"I'm sorry but this was too hilarious not to laugh about" he said trying to control his laughter.
" I mean it is hilarious but Ollie is very sensitive about it so shush before he hears you."

As soon as I said that Oliver came walking into the living room and sat on my lap clearly oblivious to the fact that there was another person in the room. As I pulled him into a hug I asked him what was wrong.
" it's the teeth. The teeth Mama" he said with tears coming down his face.
" it's ok baby, it was only a dream."
" Can I sleep in your bed?" He asked as he wiped his tears away.
" of course baby. Do you want me to come tuck you in or can you handle it like a big boy."
" I've got it." He said as he hopped off my lap. I placed a kiss on his forehead and he ran upstairs.

As I turn to face Vincent he had his head in his hands. I don't know how long he's been like that but it felt strange. After a while he finally looked at me.
" you got anything stronger than wine?"

Without responding I got up and walked over to my liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. I grabbed two glasses and walked back over to the couch. After filling both our glasses I handed his to him. He stared at the cup for a little before chugging the entire thing. I stared at him in disbelief. As he reached for the bottle I moved out the way.

" Slow down there bud before you hurt yourself." I said looking him in his eyes.
" you still haven't answered my question?" He said looking me directly in my eyes.

I knew exactly what he was talking about and as much as I wanted to avoid answering I knew at some point he would want an answer.
" You didn't do anything wrong. So please don't ever think you did. I don't want you to feel like you drove me away because all you did was love me."
" So then why leave?" He said with tears in his eyes.

That was it. That was all I needed to break down. I'd stopped crying over our lost relationship so long ago but hearing the sadness and the hurt in his voice and behind his eyes just broke me. And that's when the waterworks started.
" When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited. I couldn't see myself having kids with anybody beside you so finding out that I was becoming a mom was the best thing I ever heard. But a couple days after I found out was whenever you told me about your ex." I said with tears streaming down my face.

" It was the ex that you told to get an abortion because you didn't want to have kids and she listened. When you told me that it broke my heart into pieces and I didn't want you to tell me the same thing because I knew I would never go through with it. So I left. I didn't want you to be forced into being a father I would never do that to you and I didn't want to be forced into an abortion so the best thing I could think of was leaving. You would've been none the wiser and I wouldn't of had to make that horrible decision." At this point I was bawling. Silently, but still bawling.

We just sat there. It felt like hours have gone by when reality it was only about five minutes. He had stopped crying but I was just sitting there with tears streaming down my face. He slid across the couch and turned my face towards him.

" Amber" he said in his deep and husky voice.  " you were, are , and will always be the love of my life I would have never asked you to do anything like that nor would I have ever been upset over you carrying my child. Just because I didn't want a child with her doesn't mean I didn't want one with you. I was young but having a family with you was always in the back of my mind." He said as he wiped my tears away.
I honestly didn't know what to say. I knew he was telling the truth because he had never once lied to me but it still hurt to know that I hurt him. Turning away I looked at the clock and saw that it was 11 pm.
" Umm.. it's getting kind of late and I should probably get to bed. I have a guestroom if you want to stay." I said as I stood up.
" yeah that'd actually be nice. Lead the way."
After putting our glasses in the dishwasher we made our way upstairs and I showed Vincent to the guestroom.

" So my room and this room share a bathroom. If you need me to wash your clothes just put them in the hamper and I'll put them in after my shower. Also if you need night clothes I have sweatpants from when I was pregnant so they should fit you. I'll get you some towels after I put Ollie back in his bed" I said before I turned to leave the room.