A typical Monday. Bumangon ako sa kama pagkatapos kong icheck ang email ko. I sit on the corner of my bed as I strech my neck and my whole body. After stretching for minutes or so, agad akong tumayo at nagtungo sa kusina ng inuupahan kong maliit na kwarto at nagtimpla ng kape. Halu-halo ko ang kape ng maupo ako sa nag-iisang monoblock chair ko at kumuha ng pandesal sa supot na nakalagay sa mesa. I was in the middle of eating my pandesal, nung saktong tumunog ang cellphone ko—and so tumayo ako at kinuha ito sa kama. "Hello, goodmorning this is Ellizabeth Manolong, registrar of Monteverde College, I would like to tell you ma'am that your schedule is here and ready to release" agad na bungad nung tumawag "thank you so much ma'am, I'm on my way na po sa school para kunin ang schedule" I lied—because the truth is maliligo palang ako "copy that ma'am, thank you and welcome to Monteverde College" masiglang bati ng registrar. I just smiled "okay po, thank you" and hang up the phone.
Agad kung inubos ang kape at nagmadaling pumunta sa banyo para maligo. Yes. It's first day of school. I know parang cringe pakinggan ang first day of school for a third year college like me. Maybe elementary pupils and high schoolers will enjoy it, dahil may bago silang gamit, well ironed uniforms and—meeting new friends. But for college students, first day of school is just a typical day, wala lang parang wala lang nangyari. Maybe it's adulting that's why we don't enjoy things like this.
Walang kasigla-sigla kong pinapatuyo ang buhok ko gamit ang tuwalya sa harap ng electricfan. I don't really like going to school to be honest, kasi bukod sa nakakapagod—hindi din ako interesado—but don't get me wrong, hindi din ako pabaya sa studies ko, it is just that studying is something I don't really enjoy. Kaya lang naman ako nag-aaral because my mom applied for a scholarship on my behalf—and besides wala din naman akong kaibigan. Yeah, literally no one—as in zero. Sad right? But that's the truth.
I tried socializing with my blockmates before pero hindi talaga ako nagkakaroon ng kaibigan. The longer bond I had with my blockmates was I think 2 days. After that, wala na. They don't talk to me anymore and I don't talk to them as well—not because I care for my pride but because I don't want them to think na masyado akong papansin—and so I made the honor of distancing myself to them.
Hindi naman ako introvert at hindi din naman ako extrovert—maybe I'm ambivert after all. Siguro there's something in me na hindi talaga interesting for others that's why I always end up not having friends—and by friends I mean 'yung talagang close ko. I talk to my blockmates naman kapag talaga needed or kapag nasa groupings and we have to discuss something—pero hanggang dun lang. Nothing more, nothing less. Kumabaga napaka formal ng conversations namin everytime I talk to them.
Pero sanay na naman akong mag-isa. Wayback when I was in primary and middle school, I was always alone. I had no one to talk to, no one to play and bond with. Until now, I eat alone, study alone, window shopping alone, going to school alone, and getting back to my boarding house alone. I do all things by myself—and I am happy with that. I am happy being invisible and non-existent.
After I zipped my baggy pants, sinuot ko ang nag-iisang white na sneakers na meron ako and tied it as fast as I could and rush to get my bag hanging on the back of my door and immediately locked it at kumaripas ng takbo pababa.
Guess what? I'm late.
"Dito nalang po manong" dali-dali akong bumaba sa tricycle at agad na tumakbo sa loob ng school. Monteverde College is not a huge school, hindi din sya gaano ka rangya at high-tech gaya ng ibang colleges and universities—but education wise, they have the best quality of education ever. The school really focuses on enhancing the students' intellectual capacity—and I love it kasi kahit hindi ako 'yung tipo ng tao na mahilig mag-aral, but I am always excited to learn dito sa school.
So much with the adjectives! I'm running late!
"Good morning po" bati ko sa mga tao sa registrar's office after I knock. Medyo hinihingal pa ako kaunti dahil sa pagmamadali "I'm Stella Almeron po. Nandito po ako para kunin 'yung schedule ko po" agad din naman nilang binigay ang schedule ko and so I went back running again going to my first subject.
Great, magfifirst day akong lapot.
Tiningnan ko ang papel na hawak ko bago tumingala sa pinto to check if tama ba ang room number ng room na pinuntahan ko—and I am right. I knocked softly on the door before opening it slowly—and shoot! I am not late—thank God!
Halos sabay-sabay namang naglingunan ang mga blockmates ko pagbukas ko ng pinto and yeah right, sobrang awkward. I just gave them an awkward and forced smile bago tuluyang pumasok sa room to naupo. I'm busy arranging my things on my seat—more like I am pretending to be busy dahil ang awkward naman pag tutunganga lang ako dito.
Napansin ko lang na maraming transferee ngayon—but wow, some of them are already having fun talking to some of my classmates. Sana all kinakausap. Char, but you know what? Mas gusto ko pang wala akong kaibigan sa school. I don't know pero parang sa sobrang sanay ko ng mag-isa, hindi na ako kumportable na napapaligiran ng mga tao. I'm weird I know.
Since wala pa ang instructor namin, I pulled out my earphone from my bag. If there's one thing I could not live without, it would probably be my earphone. They have been there with me when I don't feel like talking to others—sometimes kapag masyado akong OP or sometimes as an excuse so that people won't talk to me (lol).
This has been my lifesaver and my lifeline at the same time. Hindi talaga ako lumalabas ng boarding house ng hindi ko 'to dala. That is how I cherish this earphone. Dinukot ko sa bulsa ang phone ko and plugged in my earphone and played some music. I turned the volume up para hindi ko marinig ang paligid.
Ahhh~ now this is life.
Nakaramdam ako na parang may sumisiko sa'kin. What the hell? Did I just spaced out? Ganun ba ako ka carried away sa kanta that I almost forgot everything around me? I then immediately look at the person on my right na parang kanina pa sumisiko sa'kin.
"Your earphone" he mouthed. Kumunot ang noo ko sa kanya. By the way, it's a guy at hindi ko sya kilala—so I presume he's a transferee. Hindi ko man lang napansin kanina na may katabi pala ako.
"Ano?" A answered back to him. Mukha naman syang nagulat dahil bahagyang napanganga ang bibig nya. Napakunot ang noo ko sa kanya. Seriously tho, what's with this guy.
He then gestured na tanggalin ko ang earphone ko, mukha pa syang nagpapanic and......tense?—so I immediately removed my earphone para sana tanungin sya kung ano problema ny—-"AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME MISS?"
Halos mahulog ako sa kina-uupuan ko dahil sa sobrang gulat ng marinig ko ang baritonong boses ng isang lalaki. Before I could even talk, all eyes are on me. Damn, nandito na pala ang instructor namin at mukhang napalakas ang boses ko kanina. What on earth? Hindi ko man lang napansin. What's with me seriously tho.
Now, they are all looking at me intently and waiting patiently for my answer.
There's a looooong, awful and awrkward silence inside the room....
Great, just great. What a first day of school!
**
ALONELINESS
by UnauthorizedAuthorOO
