Push On With Love

Chapter One - First Meeting

*Narrator Note*
Things have been tough. Like really tough to the point it feels like there's no end to this madness. Before I get too far ahead, I want to tell you a back story leading up to this point before I continue on.

◇◇◇

    In 2016, I was going through a rough time. My ex ignored me for 3 whole days before deciding to break up. I was in year 12 not doing so well. I had one teacher that just plain didn't like me and wouldn't help when I asked for it and picked me out of everyone to tell off every time.
    Year 12 was just a huge downward spiral that never ended. I started sucking at grades, I failed all but 1 subject in the end because I gave up. I left school whenever I felt like I needed to because it was just too hard being there in the end. I stopped going completely after the 3rd trimester (was barely there anyway).

    In September, I applied to complete a university diploma of photography, to which I got into. I was so excited as photography was what I was really into and it felt like a good fit for my future.
    Later that September, I was having a decent amount of trouble with a 'friend'. I was a mess. I was hurting and barely eating. I didn't feel loved. I felt alone and I didn't want to be around any more. But then a random person messaged me. No idea who he was or what his intentions were but everything seemed okay.
    He asked "Hey, you ok? What's Zach done now ???"
    I didn't know what to make of this. Wasn't sure whether to respond or who he really was. So as any normal person would do, I had a little stalk on his profile. It seems I have seen him at my brothers car meets, even took a photo of his car at one of them. Though I still wasn't sure if I should respond. I was ignoring Zach for days because he just wouldn't stop and I had already felt so horrible.
    I messaged back, "Not exactly no."
    He could see what Zach had done wrong. He could see how it impacted me. But how? Like the guy doesn't even know who I am or anything about me. It made me confused but I was overwhelmed by everything.
    He asked "Have you got people you can talk about it with?"
    He actually genuinely cared! Someone I've been talking to for like 2 minutes asked if I had someone I could talk to about my issues. But I had the mental state that I didn't having only just started seeing a psychologist.
    "I have a question for you, if you don't mind me asking?" I was curious.
    "Shoot," he responded, "what's your question?"
    I asked "How come you asked if I was okay?"
    He responded with "because I know what Zach's like. I was genuinely worried about you."
    I had no idea why he was worried. Like I do but I don't. He didn't know me so how come he cared?

♡♡♡

    I spoke to him every day after that. Getting to know him, what he was like and even had the confirmation he was into Holden's just like me and had one of his own! After finding out this very useful information, I asked if he would like to come to my brother meet that Sunday. He said yes.
    Come sunday, I wasn't entirely sure if he was actually going to come. He was meant to meeting with one of his friends (to which I found out much later, he didn't do), but I didn't think he would actually come. I actually lost it with excitement and nerves when I saw him coming around the roundabout and into the section of which about 8 of us were parked.
    Dad wondered why I started acting so strange. So I told him.
    Once he parked his car, he came straight to me! I was so nervous I was trembling. But he was so calm. Well, at least I thought he was.
    I spoke to him awkwardly that whole day. Shaking and excited, taking photos of all the cars and specifically taking one a particular way in the location that has now been our favourite photo of our cars together since the beginning and I don't think that will ever change because the story behind it has so much meaning and we just know, ya know?

♡♡♡

    On the way home from that car meet, after saying goodbye to him as we parted ways, I specifically asked Dad about someone like him and his age. He told me as long as they did the right thing, he would be okay with it (little did I know, this wasn't correct but I'll explain that later).
    I was over the moon, so excited I message him as soon as I got home even though he would have still been driving. I had butterfly's in my stomach all day and get it every time I get a response from him.
    At this point, I had no idea what these feelings meant, if he felt the same or if he ever would, what he thought of me and so on.
   The reason being is because I was not like a lot of the girls my age. I didn't really wear make-up, I didn't do my hair every day, hell I didn't even dress up all that nice - I was always in black. I was 17 and 9 months, I was a very conservative, helpless person who only ever thought badly upon herself in no matter the situation and have suffered severe anxiety and depression since I was 11 (when I first showing signs) even though I only really felt ready and didn't get officially diagnosed until like 4 or 5 months before this very day.
    I was both excited and nervous for what was to come. I had never felt like this before about anyone. I was a bit scared because he was quite a bit older than me but I wanted to see what the future held for me and go from there.