Atonement (Reverse Falls/ Dipcifica/ DipperXPacifica)

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"Dear Dipper,

Or whomever this letter I'll never send out concerns, it's been a while now. I last saw you a year ago, just a few days ago I was reminiscing about when we met each other a few years back. I'm 18 now, and no longer that girl who you always made a face at in the corridor or tripped up for fun. Time flies. And really quickly too. Time flew by so fast, but my memories are so vivid and full of colour. It's like I'm living in my memories every day, thinking of what I should've and shouldn't have said. I'm typing on my phone, I'm not spell checking as you'd want me to and I don't know if I sound apologetic, or sorry, or regretful, or maybe even a bit boring. I don't know if you want this but here's my side of our story that I recall.

Days at chemistry, or Chemistry. I don't know my capitals but I do know you're picky with your capitals and grammar, you were always picking on my style of writing but you knew not to go too far. Anyway, about the chemistry class. We were in the same chemistry class, obviously not sitting together since we didn't know each other. You were sitting with Cody Chiu, that boy with black hair. You were really good friends with him, until something that happened later on but we'll get to that, maybe later. Yeah, later.

Cody wasn't supposed to even be in our year but somehow the school put him in the same year as his younger sister, Candy, who I always sat with. I can still recall her smelly breath. It was super gross. She never liked me, and I knew it. Candy and I were lab partners since the teacher put us together. You had the special privilege, or would I say pretty privilege. You could sit with anyone you wanted, and quite surely, you always picked to sit with

During the lessons, she'd just pick at her nails and secretly glance to the front to pretend she was actually listening. And if she didn't pick up something from the teacher's whiteboard, she would take my notes, that's when I started to photocopy my notes just because of her stealing them. Never knew how she was so slick but hey, people have their quirks right?

You and Cody sat in front of us, while Candy and I sat in the back of the classroom, where it was the dimmest and hardest to see. I was all good with my perfect vision, you always said that was the only flawless bit to me. Candy, on the other hand, needed glasses and she'd squint so hard that I didn't even know if that really helped at all.

I liked the classes, they were entertaining. A way of escaping reality, there was no reality for me. I had friends, but that was a normal thing to have. Unlike you, who only had one close friend and your sister, Mabel. Every day was almost the same, I went to school, I floated away on a cloud of knowledge, descended back down at the end of school and hung with my friends, went home, sleep. Then it happens again. You said I was weird, I was the only person you ever met who liked school, and saying how you've met so many people in your life, while you were probably the most antisocial person at school. You were one to talk.

Cody would always look back at Candy, make sure everything was going right for her, not that there was much to go wrong. He didn't care that much to tell his own sister off for not paying attention in class, he was too busy speaking of unspeakable things with you. Sometimes he'd look at me too and you'd do too, but that was before we even started talking.

One day you came up to me to pass me a beaker for our experiment. Nothing much. The other you lent me your pen since I lost mine under the table, I insisted on a pencil but you cared less. You said, 'Losers can't be choosers Pacifica.' That was the first time you ever said anything to me, and to be honest, I was scared of you.

The way you carried yourself like you were higher than any of us and how you spoke with the clearest tone.

I didn't know you were aware of my presence, or even my name

If Candy wasn't eyeing my notes or filing her nails, she was looking at you, or the back of you. I thought it was weird, to find an obsession in someone's back. 

Sometimes she'd just laugh to herself, and I'd just scoot my chair away from her a little bit.

Candy's interest in you made me also interested in you.

It just piqued my interest in you.

Oh, Mr. Perfect, all the girls wanted you but you never talked to any of them. They swooned and sighed. So cool and so pretty and so this and that. Even my friends came up to me to ask if I found you any better than the other guys in our school. I gave them a simple shrug and an 'I don't know? Don't ask me?' and they tutted and wagged their fingers at me. 'You have no taste.' They all said. Then came the other wave of sudden popularity, for Cody. Both of you got super popular that year for looks and materialistic things like money. And that's when you started getting fangirls, I knew your sister was never so fond of them, I could always see her staring at them while they barricaded you in the hallway, she always stood alone, across the hallway, glaring at them with her icy blue eyes. You know, I never told you this but I used to think you two had no irises since your eyes were of such lightness that I could barely see the element of blue in them.

Your sister, Mabel Gleeful. We've still kept in contact to this day. She's much warmer than the person she used to be. You'd know, you've been the closest to her. Even after that time you forgot us in the woods and we came back all drenched in rainwater, she was the first to forgive you. Even I hadn't given in yet but she did. You guys hugged it out and I had to stand there just watching you guys.

I think Mabel and Candy were friends at one point, probably during the time when Cody rose to fame in our school too. I don't know if you noticed, but they truly were a reckless and rash pair of friends. They really hit it off at first, but Mabel started growing a bit further away from her since Candy had gotten so obsessive over you. Then they broke off when Mabel found out, and I asked Mabel after she and I got a bit closer.

Chemistry! Yes, chemistry! I keep straying from the topic. After I took some interest in you, you didn't change anymore or any less. Sometimes I'd wonder what you and Cody talked about, but not in a weird stalker-ish way. I wasn't one of the girls who'd spend the whole hour and a half staring at you. I had class notes to take and notes to protect from flying hands. Sometimes, I wondered, what were you like, sure you only talk to your sister when you need to, and only hang around your one friend, but what was it like? Being your friend? And what were you like?

For all your lessons, you had all the pretty privilege the world could offer. You could skip laps of running, change your answers even after work was graded, persuade teachers to change your marks, it was crazy, but suddenly you stopped. Why? You never told me, you did it less, you focused on doing your own work, and you just... improved.

It's so useless writing this email, letter thing to you. 

My therapist said it'd help me cope, don't know with what, I told them I was perfectly fine, but she just said that would help her with my diagnosis.

She assigned me this task: I have to write a letter to someone with who I have a close bond.

Naturally, I chose you

Wait, someone's calling me.