Trying To Be Cool - Finn Wolfhard x Reader

Chapter 16: I Say I'm A Fool

SONG: You Say I'm In Love - Banes World

Y/N's POV

I stuck to my word and didn't go to the party; but the world wouldn't let me forget it - lock screen flooded with endless Instagram notifications, with even the band group chat flooded with photos from the night. A Thursday night is a good excuse. Who has a party on a Thursday? I distracted myself. Thoughts of Finn clouded my head - I had to make a choice and put an end to the teenage hormone fuelled anxiety that kept me pushing him away. Why did I keep pushing him away? My mind wondered - reflected on our relationship so far; the moments that made my mind race and my heart swell. The car ride home from the gig. The kiss at the party. It felt like a dream: and then it was.

~~

The feeling of warm night at the end of summer, a cool breeze shrouding my face. I stand in my cul-de-sac, and embrace the wind. I see Finn. Memories of kaleidoscope days passed, and to come, with him. Abstract images begin to piece together. I pluck a loose tooth from my mouth. And then, the coldness engulfs me. I fall. I fall for what seems forever. Down. Through a blistering cold. I'm frightened. Anxious. But then, it all feels fine. The coldness disappears, replaced with a warmth, embracing my entire being. I fall and I feel fine. I feel fine.

~~

The rain pattered against my window as I woke up in a haze from my dream. 5:45 am. I love him. The realisation came to me in a dream. My anxieties had washed away, replaced with an inescapable feeling of knowing that I had to do something. I had to let him know. Clarity. And I knew then that I loved him.

I glanced at myself in the mirror, making out what I could in the shadow of the early morning light; rested eyes, plump cheeks; the gaunt mask of tiredness long gone - I looked like myself again. A girl anew. I raced against the morning sunrise to get ready - cleaned, dressed and out of the door before 6:30. What once seemed an ungodly hour to be awake, served as a reawakening, a rebirth - for the moment I actually, for once, knew what I wanted.

My front door shut behind me, the quiet cul-de-sac undisturbed, many still barely entertaining the idea of being awake - I was here in a dream. Fresh cold air filled my lungs as I stepped out of the front door, the sun barely peering over the horizon - I win. The mustang was still coated from the nights dew, the car seats cold and satisfying to sit on - I'd enjoy this car ride to school, I thought, plus being early would give me time to think about this all. A few melancholy faces roamed the streets at this hour, perhaps on their way to work, or even on their way home, but otherwise the roads were surprisingly empty and it fuelled me, driving . The sound of drowsy Californian indie pop echoed in the car as I pulled into the near empty parking lot; my gaze hovering over the weary masks of teachers, all but excited for the day, making their way in. Wow. I really was early. I sunk back into my seat, the dreamy pop still playing over the speakers, my gaze becoming unfocused and blurry as I slipped into my thoughts once again. Today. Today I will speak to him. Today he will know.

((wow a whole 2 years since my last upload. i can't begin to express my gratitude for the amount of support and love I've received on this story. despite everything before, I've vowed now to finish the story as soon as I can, and im trying to release small segments so people who have been reading recently have something asap ( i can't believed i still have readers). it's hard to believe i set this story for when Finn was 17 and here he is ! almost 18, it's crazy. 

this chapter is quite abstract and introspective. a dream sequence? woooww, let me know if ur interested in the meanings! or look them up ;)  i guess my writing has changed over time? i hope you all dont mind, im working with a pretty overdramatic plot and i really wish i didn't set it up this way but i don't want to divert too far from the original/delete stuff. i wanted to get it out as soon as possible. 

i have a plot/ending in mind already, one i devised a couple of years back originally - based on feedback then. please do comment any feedback, how you want the ending to be, an alternate ending chapter? a sequel? please note im not comfortable with writing smut at this point as Finn is still a minor, but in the coming months, i'd perhaps be open to it depending on the opinions of readers.

so here it is! chapter 16. more coming soon. love to you all.))