The Eye of the Beholder [boyxboy]

Chapter XX

~Saturday 25th June 2016~

"When do you think you'll be getting back into work, Gray?" Jensen's voice cracked ever so slightly over the speaker of Gray's phone, "I don't mean to rush you, if you're having family issues, take your time. The only problem is that River will be turning eighteen in a matter of days and we would prefer it if you were here to work with him from the start. He can be a little shy sometimes, he'll benefit from someone like you pushing him in the right direction," Gray hoped his sigh wasn't too detectable over the phone, he didn't want Jensen thinking that he was the root of the irritation the man was going through. It seemed, no matter what he did, no matter where he was, he couldn't escape the thoughts of River. Whether he was alone at home, thinking of the evenings they had spent together there, or at work speaking to his parents, the boy just seemed to follow him everywhere.

Before, that hadn't been a problem. Now, it was agonizing. Gray just wanted a break, he wanted to go somewhere where he could finally leave the thoughts of the boy behind, where he could finally be at peace. He thought about going away for a few days to clear his head but, somehow, the thought of just leaving River like that, with no way to contact him if necessary, still didn't sit well with him. He would just have to suffer instead. Suffer enough to force him to drink, passing out was the only other option to run from his problems. At this point, he didn't even care whether he fell into some alcohol-induced coma or not. At least he would be well rested.

"It shouldn't be too much longer," Gray tried to make himself sound impartial, maybe a little guilty too, but he wasn't sure if the emotions came off right. Honestly, he just sounded sad. Colt had mentioned that the other night, when he had stayed over likely to ensure Gray didn't do anything foolish. Truthfully, Gray hadn't even thought of hurting himself, he didn't need to, he was already in enough pain. Why add to it?

"May I ask what the issue is? Not in a professional sense here, Gray, I would actually like to know if you're alright," Gray rolled his eyes, knowing Jensen wasn't being sincere in the slightest. The man wasn't capable of caring for anything or anyone other than his business and his wife. He didn't even have enough concern to notice the state at which his children's mental health seemed to be. He was probably reading from some script, or having someone coach him on what to say. It wasn't that he wanted the details of Gray's issue, he just wanted to estimate the man's absence.

"My mom's in the hospital," Gray lied with ease, having already told Jemma in HR and Cassandra the same lie. They had seemed much more concerned, which was actually worse for Gray since it only made the guilt rise within him. He didn't like lying to them. Not when they actually had enough heart to worry about him and his family. It was easier to tell untruths to Jensen, knowing that he couldn't give a rats ass what was going on in Gray's personal life.

A brief idea flittered over Gray's mind of just telling Jensen what had happened outright. Explaining his relationship with River, how the fight had played out, how Gray was barely spending a second sober for fear that he might drown in the memories. He wondered how Jensen would react. Well, actually, he had a pretty solid idea. Gray would be fired with immediate action, and probably would be arrested too for sleeping with a minor, and River's place in Tyson Pharma would be terminated. Evan would likely inherit the business, not that that was fair since he had never asked for the pressure. Then again, neither had River.

"Is it something serious?" Jensen caught Gray a little off guard with that inquiry. The man had assumed Jensen would just continue with conversation, glossing over the revelation, rather than actually wanting to know the details pertaining to the situation.

"She was in a car accident, they're keeping her in to assess the head trauma," Gray picked up his phone, deciding it was probably best to address the headache pounding in his skull before it got any worse. He had been debating the notion since he had woken on the couch three hours ago but hadn't had the strength, nor the motivation. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to fall into some dreamless slumber where the darkness blanketed him in a sense of silence and nothingness. Yet, instead, he dreamt of River. He dreamt of the boy laid with him, sleeping in his arms, that gentle smile twitching onto his lips when Gray would trail his fingers over the boy's arm, or brush his hair back out of his face. He wouldn't mind those dreams too much, if they didn't morph into nightmares.