Destiny Ko

Realizations

    I close my eyes and feel the silence. All is dark. I open my eyes and wander what would I see. As I look around I smile then I look up on the sky. There I saw the most beautiful view one can have during this night. The sky with a lot of stars glows merrily. 

            You would not know the most precious possession that you have until you lose grip in that possession. You would not know its value until you make a wrong move and suddenly lose control of everything. For me, the most important possession I have is my life. It is important to me because of the fact that God gave me my life to take care of. I also know the fact that God can take away my life in just a glimpse. In just a snap you can ride the roller coaster of life and you can yell in every twist and turn of life. I searched for the brightest star that I can see in the wide and dark sky. I think of myself as the brightest star. It twinkles and proudly brighten the night. But then it was covered. I think clouds moved at its side so I can't see it.

            It is exactly 6 months since my Auntie passed away. I remember how my tears fall endlessly as I bid Goodbye during her burial. At the age of 48 her life was taken away. I hate how that disease attack her little by little. My Aunt having the cancer of the bone is a terrible nightmare for us. She suffered too much yet she fight until her last breath. 

            Man is not immortal. Life isn't endless. Life isn't infinite. Life is short. Life is short to be wasted. 

            Live our life to the fullest so that if we lose our life, we would not have those regrets that we must have done something. Just like what my Auntie did. She fight over Cancer and take all the treatments and medications. It comes to the point that our family sold a lot just to continue her treatments. We are thankful that her life was extended for 2 years. We treat her as if she does not have a terrible disease. We act normally in front of her but in our minds we are worried about her condition. All we can do for her is to show our love by taking care and visiting her weekly.

           Life has beginnings yet it has it’s endings. It depends in you whether you would want your life have a happy ending or you’ll be stuck in a tragic ending.

             I know every week her body becomes weaker. If only I have that power to transfer all her sufferings to myself. I am thankful that she has made her life to the fullest. I know I saw her genuine smile before she die, no worries, pain and denial. She accepted the fact that she owned a terrible disease. 

              What if i only have hours to live like her? What would I do in those hours left for me to live? Will I curse God for giving me that kind of disease? Will I lay on the bed and wait until death conquer me?

            If I only have 12 hours to live...

            I would spend the first hour in the park. I will reminiscence my childhood days. All the smiles, laughs and hugs that I shared with my family. I will sit at the white bench near the fountain. I would enjoy how the birds chirp happily and watch how other families enjoy their stay at the park. After a while, I would transfer at the playground. I would swing slowly as I remember how my father push the swing as we laugh together. I would walk slowly at the sidewalk and see myself as I ran after my sister as we have our ultimate race. I would spend another 30 minutes riding to a jeepney and walk to the place where I first learned how to read and write. In this school, I lead our prayer during our Graduation(Kinder). I picture myself marching to the stage and receive my diploma. I cried that day because I need to transfer to another school in the next school year. I felt sad because I already gain a lot of friends.

            In the next 9 hours left, I will spend the next 2 hours visiting my school when I was in Elementary. I will pass several classrooms until I reached my classroom when I was in Grade 5. Here, I became close to my classmates. I can’t imagine my life would be without the teacher’s I had when I was in Elementary. I now moved to the stage. I remember how I gave the red and white roses to my parents as we sang “Thanks To You” during our Graduation Day. I cried and hug my parents. I will spend another hour at the mall. I will go to the “World’s of Fun” where me and my classmates when I was Grade 6 used to hang out. I totally miss my classmates.

            I will spend an hour walking slowly from the mall to High School. I would stay at the school for 3 hours. I would pass at the Main Gate. I would sit in front of the OST Building and stand as I transfer from OST room 1 to OST room 2 where I spend the two years of my high school life. I would walk to the Grandstand and sit at the wide field (Oval). I will remember the memorable Junior-Senior Promenade Night. How I became an officer in School and how I have my first and last dance during that night. I will grab my cell phone and call all the people listed in my Contacts. I will call all of them and after they answer the call, I would not say anything. I would just close my eyes and feel all the warmth and worry in the tone of their voices. All of their voices would be recorded in my mind and I will never forget any single voice that I heard.

            Their voices would boost my courage to face death with happiness in my heart. I would ride a jeepney and my next destination is at the Cathedral. I would spend my 45 minutes praying the Holy Rosary and kneeling at the church. I would bargain myself, my life to God. If it’s God’s will, then let it be. In the last hour of my life, I would like to attend the mass. In that mass, I will speak to God with all my heart. I will put my trust in him, especially my life. I would adore, praise and thank him for all the wonderful things that I have in my life. After the mass, I would have a genuine smile across my face. I would face death with all my might if ever it would subside unto me.

            I know I do not make the most out of my life.I know I made mistakes. I know I can’t easily forgive and forget. I know I can’t easily control my emotions and temper. I know I take everything as a game. I know I have a lot of things to change. I know I do not have good attitudes toward other people. I know I commit a lot of sins. I know I can’t stand a crowded and noisy room. I know I can’t easily get along with people. I know I do not have fashion sense. I know I can’t dance well. I know I have limitations. I know I’m stupid about love. I know I’m not good in Math. I know I always fail. I know I do not know everything about life.

            Let us be grateful of what we have today. We do not know if we could still have it tomorrow. Take chances. Don't lose hope. Do changes. Be open. We are the one who can manipulate the twist and turns in our life. I am thankful that still have a grip on the precious possession, my life. I am happy that I have the chance to think about tomorrow.