Stuck.

no. 1

1986,
February 27th
7:31 pm

I wrote with a pen I found on the ground at the Red Rose park. I've always loved to write. Mainly journaling my life. It's fun to sit back in my kitchen chair and take out all the journals kept in a wooden crate underneath my bed upstairs. Looking back at all the idiotic things I've done in the past, the fun things, the sad things. Sometimes I cry to myself while hugging a pillow when reading the entries because they're so embarrassing I don't even understand how the people in my class can still stand looking at me when I walk in because of all the stupid things I've done.
I scratch the back of my head and sigh as I change the time to 7:34 pm.

"Hey kiddo whatcha up to?" I quickly turned around making the hair hit my eyes. "Oh gosh... you're still writing in those diaries? Now I thought it was going to be a phase but isn't this a bit far Jesse?"
"Mom...these aren't diaries.." I say as I scratch my forehead. "They're journals, why do you think I'm in college for journalism and writing?" I asked as I put the pen on the page I was writing on and closed the book.
"I forget! You know I'm getting old Jess," my mom said as she smiled and looked at Jesse with sad eyes.
"Please, mom, you're still alive, don't be like that. But please don't call me Jess, I don't feel like a man when you say that. It's bad enough that I'm so soft and babyish for a 23 year old dude." I said, disappointed.
"Psh, don't talk about yourself like that. I'm sure there's some girl out there who'll appreciate you for you," Mom said as she nudged Jesse on the arm.
"Thanks..like that makes me feel better.." I say with a sigh following up and pout.
Mom ruffles up my hair and leaves to go back upstairs "Don't go to sleep too late, you have school tomorrow," my mom explained as she left.
"I won't!!" I yell from the kitchen. Little did she know I was NOT going to go to sleep early and I WAS going to sleep too late. I "evilly" smirk to myself and then I open up the journal again and look at the time on my phone. "eiigggghhhhhttt....oooooooo...ninnnnnneeeeee" I mumble to myself as I erase the time previously written and change it to the time currently.

1989,
February 27th
8:09 pm

What did I do today.... oh

Today was just a normal day, I finally took out my savings to get the apartment I've been wanting. Yeah I'll miss mom but she needs her own space. I'll visit her frequently and it'll all be okay. Although.. I still haven't told mom that I'm going to buy it. Should I surprise her? I mean I suppose it doesn't really matter since it'll still be my house. It's fine. I'll surprise her.
I also went with Holden to the store since he needed to pick a few things up. He's going to be a new student at my college but we've been friends for a while. Holden's moving into the dormitory and he doesn't want his dorm mate to hate him for not being organized but who knows, maybe his dorm mate isn't organized instead.
It's a Saturday so I didn't go to school, but I bought some groceries for mom. Brielle, my sister, came with since she has nothing better to do. Sometimes I wonder how in the world is she still like..stable? Once I caught her laying in bed staring up at the ceiling and 2 hours later she hadn't moved at all. Not a bit. She wasn't even sleeping. She was just staring. She has friends, she's very well fed (maybe too well), and overall is happy. She's just bored. That's it.

Signing off. For now.

Might come back.

Don't know yet.

I'm hungry.

I want pizza rolls.

Caprisun

I'm tired.

It's 8:45

I have an essay due monday

But I'm hungry and I want pizza rolls and caprisun

Maybe I shouldn't be a journalist. What if there's some crazy news that's actually scary to read, imagine having to write something scary. I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'll think too much before bed. And then next thing you know it's 9 am and you haven't slept all night. Because you were scared.

I might just erase all of this.

What's the point.

I get bounce off the chair and open the fridge door so harshly you can hear the bottles bump into each other making it clink. The cold air from the fridge hits me in the face as I look for the box of pizza rolls.

There's a box but it's empty

I am so devastated.

Why. I thought we bought pizza rolls at the grocery store. My eyes begin to water.

It's almost nine and the stores should be closing soon. It's 8:49 I have 10 minutes. I can make it.

I can make it.

I put on my denim jacket that was hung up in the closet near the front door. I put on my nikes and look at myself through the mirror in the closet. I look crazy. Denim on denim, neon green nikes and a hoodie that grandpa gave me that says "i like Cheetos, oh whateva" he bought it for me as a joke but now I wear it because the inside is really soft cotton. Why do I have neon green nikes?
I sigh and change my shoes at least, to some black vans (basic I know).
"Mom I'm going to the store real quick!!" I yell from the bottom of the stairs playing with the keys in my hand.
"What?! Now?!" My mom asked, confused.
"Yep! There's no more pizza rolls!"
"Jesse, it is 8:53!!"
"8:53??"
I quickly unlock the door and walk out to the store. The sky, navy blue. Dust bunny clouds. The moon in a crescent, peaking behind the clouds. The wind blowing past my face and through my hair as I sprint towards the store. The employee turning off the lights. I bang on the door, eyes tearful. The worker looked at me after being startled by the sudden banging, she had to let me in through pity.
"Thank you.." I say with my voice shaking.

I need my pizza rolls.

The woman crossed her arms and leaned on the wall in front of the cash register as I looked through the refrigerators for the pizza rolls.

I ended up walking out with dinosaur chicken nuggets since the store had no pizza rolls. Kinda sad about that but these dinosaurs are good too. I'm just hungry. I also got an apple juice box (there were no caprisuns). I take out my phone and flip to the camera and look at myself. Eyes red, my hazel colored hair messed up, cheeks shiny and wet from some tears. I wipe my cheeks with the sleeves on my jacket and fix up my hair. I take off my jacket so I look a bit better. (Still wearing the cheeto hoodie and jeans)

Once I get to my house the door is still wide open.

How am I going to survive in an a p a r t m e n t

I'm dead

I'm gone

Tell my mom I love her and she should get a cat since she's always wanted one.

(I'm scared of cats)

I quickly run inside and look to see if anyone is still up. Once I see everyone is asleep I take the fly swatter to see if any flies got inside.

There's three. But I've caught none of them.

I'm sweating so badly because I can't catch them.

I pull out my computer from its case and look around one last time for any flies.

It's currently 5am

I have 568 words in my essay and it's almost done.

But

It's 5am

And I'm running on dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. So there I am, asleep on top of my computer, head lying on the keyboard, typing gibberish on the screen.

Night.