Hamilton Wrote The Other Fifty-One.

Where am I going and where have I been? What does it mean to grow up?

This was another essay for English. Reading it over again a year later, I loved it and wanted to share it.

Growing up means everything is different. For instance, when I was eleven, my hair was dark brown and long enough to sit on. My favorite colors were yellow and pink. I loved bright colors and dresses more than life itself. I was obsessed with One Direction, Taylor Swift, and Katy Perry. I was devastated when 1D broke up. I couldn't sing well if my life depended on it, and all of the songs I wrote were utter garbage. I used to really like boys. A lot. Okay, I was obsessed with one in particular. That ended badly. 

Now, I have the butch-lesbian haircut, and it's bright pink and purple. My favorite colors are black and blood red. I love dark colors, hoodies, and Hot Topic jeans more than life itself. I'm obsessed with Panic! at the Disco, My Chemical Romance, and Black Veil Brides. I'm still devastated over the breakup of MCR. I sing pretty well, and I actually like the songs that I write. In 7th grade, I discovered that men weren't worth much, and now I like girls a whole lot more.

However, growing up also means that everything is the same, in some ways. When I was eleven, I wanted to stay that age forever because it seemed so much easier than being a teenager. It seemed so much easier than being in my twenties with student debt and a deadbeat job that I have to go to very day. I still feel that way now. I pretty much have the same few close friends, but I picked up and got back a few along the way. I am and always will be a dancer, song writer, pianist, and actress. I still have big dreams of being a famous musician, but I also want to teach at a high school. Now, I'd rather do band than English, but nevertheless still want to be teaching high schoolers about something that I find extremely important.

Among all of these things, growing up also means changing and learning important life lessons. In the past three years, I've learned how to tell the difference between fake friends and real ones. I've figured out how to tell which people aren't worth wasting my time and energy on. I've learned want pain is, on an emotional level. I've learned what it's like to lose someone that you love and never get them back again. I've learned what it's like to lose someone you love and be able to get them back again, but never wanting their toxicity back in your life because they hurt you so badly. I've learned what panic attacks are, what severe anxiety is like, and what depression can do to a person. But most importantly, I've learned to stand for what I know is right, to never let someone's belittling get you down and stop you from achieving your goals, and to keep your friends closer than ever before because life won't slow down enough when it gets hard. I cannot and will not give up on my dreams because I know that when I'm older, I'd be wishing that I had kept following them.

In conclusion, keep your chin up and a smile on your face. Let the phrase "giving up" not exist to you. You've got this.