Project Happiness

03|| is food worth the stares?

Ever since I attended that party three months ago, people tended to judge me. It's a human thing.

See, most of my fellow classmates probably hadn't even had a conversation with me, but they seemed to know all about my business.

Which was weird considering I had no business, just bad choices. Plenty of bad choices.

"I heard she did it again." A girl I had never seen spoke. "You know that girl from Christo's party. I heard she found a college guy and decided to make a sex tape. It's probably out there somewhere. She's such a disgrace."

Girl on girl hate broke my heart every single time but this time was so much worse. It was about me and I was stuck, just about to leave the bathroom but rooted to the spot because if I went out, they'd point at me. Yet if I stayed here, I'd learn what they said about me and that would probably send me to such a bad headspace. I would be disappointed in myself today and I'd honestly feel worse than I already did feel.

Another girl piped up. "She's cheating on our star, that slut."

You got this Jay, you're golden. Life is great, it's great and you're making it your b*tch and ...and.

I wasn't sure why I thought using my childhood trauma would make me feel better. In fact it just made me feel worse. I was not golden. I hugged myself awkwardly, chills slipping down my spine. I didn't want to hear any of this.

"Honestly some people have no idea how to be a proper person. She's disgusting."

A girl came out the stall and saw my face. Carli.

"Hey, Jaylene." I ignored her. The girls outside started giggling louder and reciting the entire story to another girl that must have joined them.

Carli wrapped her arms around me, and I wanted to push her away, but I felt so upset at this moment. It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair and honestly; I didn't know how I ended up in this position but here I was. She ran her hand through my hair in a calming way. I don't know she managed to without any knots catching but she did.

I didn't even like hugs but in this moment a part of me was glad to have someone around that saw the pain their words cause. It's not like Carli had never participated in shaming me.

"It's not true," I croaked. "I was home all weekend with Tyrin and Scott and I didn't do those things. Even if I did," I rambled on, "why hate me? I didn't do anything wrong. It's not like it directly affect them. It's not even like it's true."

"Hush, it's ok. It's just words." I turned my face. Carli had mistakenly smothered me in her bosom, and I couldn't breathe through her boobs and my hysterical crying.

"Doesn't make it hurt any less."

I felt her pause her stroking, "I'm sorry that I was one of those girls."

I felt my temper flicker on and I broke her hold. I looked in the mirror, only my eyes showed some of the sadness I had just experienced. At least it wasn't red. I was lucky that they only thing that would ever betray me when crying was red eyes. They weren't red this time. When I cried, my face didn't get puffy or blotchy, I could cry and fifteen seconds after that pity fest, you could see me, and you wouldn't know a thing. Except if you were Tyrin. He was good at noticing me. Not even Scott or my own mom was good at noticing when I was upset.

I looked at Carli. "Thanks, but that's just words," I repeated back to her and with that; I stormed out of the bathroom. The girls outside saw me and started pointing and whispering, they're voices soft as if preventing me from hearing the rumors they were spreading. Not like it mattered.