the chariot 12-20

14

As soon as Draco had woken up on Friday morning, his stomach felt as if it were tied in a large group of knots. He had promised himself last night, that he would do it today. No escaping. Today was finally here.

But he couldn't face doing it in the morning before breakfast. He would do it later – after classes finished. That would be easier. Better.

He didn't turn up to meet Harry as he normally did in the mornings. How could he face him when he knew that only in a few hours he was going to end whatever had been going on in between them. So he got dressed and instead went straight to breakfast. He knew he couldn't avoid Harry all day again and he wasn't going to – exactly.

He smiled furtively at the black-haired boy, as he came into the Great Hall and Harry had nodded discreetly. He didn't want Harry getting suspicious and waiting for him at the stairs again – Draco was going to do this when he was ready. He wanted to feel that he had some control over that at least – as he didn't seem to have control over much else.

The lessons during the first half of the day were pure torment and he hadn't made a single note during the last class before lunch. He wasn't able to think about anything else other than what he was intending to do. He also had to get a message to Harry somehow, so that they could meet up later on. He went to the Owlery and scribbled a quick note and got his owl to deliver it.

Lunch again, and Draco smiled inconspicuously. Sure enough his owl delivered his short letter and Harry had let his eyes linger momentarily on Draco's face before moving them away casually.

As the afternoon lessons drew to a close, he felt nauseous. It felt like he were about to take a really important, extremely hard exam, and knowing that it would end badly no matter what. It was going to be a failing grade despite everything and anything – yet still having the anguish of actually having to sit for the paper and complete it.

He walked steadily back to his dorm, ignoring the noise and the bustle around him. He put his bag and his books away methodically and sat on his bed for a minute. Just get it over and done with! What was the big deal?

He got up and looked at his reflection in the mirror that hung above his cabinet. He looked all edgy and strange. He tried to take a few calming breaths. He was feeling nervous and jittery. Why? His body was obviously not agreeing with what his mind was setting out to do.

Mind over matter.

He took another deep breath and went into the common room.

'Draco! The Weird Sisters are having a concert in Edinburgh. It's after the exams, we should all go!'

Blaise came up to him excitedly and he nodded, ' maybe.'

'Where are you going?' she asked as he walked towards the entrance.

' Get some study notes,' he said. Ick...now he was explaining himself to Blaise? He was definitely losing his touch.

He walked out into the corridor and made his way through the passages and up into the Entrance Hall. His stomach contracted painfully and he couldn't tell whether he was feeling sick or hungry – both probably, or neither.

He slowly climbed to the sixth floor. His feet dragged heavily and a part of him was hoping that the climb would never finish. But of course it did, quicker than expected.

He gulped a few times as he walked down the passage and then stood for a moment eyeing the door. He put his hand on the doorknob and took another deep breath. What was with the air today? He could hardly breathe, it was stifling.

He pushed the door open and saw that Harry was already there. He was looking out of the window as he so often did. Draco froze. He was seriously considering just turning around and walking back out. He felt like he was wheezing and his heart was pounding painfully.