Two Owls

Talk *

Deep breath, I reminded myself, one more. I stood outside Akaashi's bedroom door, his parents letting me in. His insanely attractive parents who were overly polite and offered me about ten things before letting me disappear upstairs. 

I opened the door and saw him, curled up with a book as usual. His dark hair had gotten longer in these past weeks, able to hang nearly over his brows as he looked down. 

"Hey," I mumbled, shutting the door behind me. 

"Nice outfit," He smirked, i looked down at the team shorts and blue tee shirt. I was confused until I saw his outfit, a very similar look only he had the team sweatpants on. 

"Great minds," I teased, walking over and sitting at his feet. 

"Bokuto, we can just watch something if you don't want to talk." He leaned up to push his book on the nightstand, his gaze landing on me, 

"I want to, I just don't know how to start." I looked away, knowing I couldn't face him for this, 

"How about I just ask, How did you meet her?" He started simple, 

"Oh," I sighed in relief, "My family was at the beach last summer, the twins were still a little young to just leave alone so my parents were playing with them and I wandered off, finding a group of teenagers with a boat. She owned the boat, or rather her father did. I guess we just kind of hit it off, we were together the rest of the day and then when it came time to dock she asked if I wanted to stay after everyone else left." 

I looked at him to see him nodding, 

"So," I continued, "I stayed, told my parents I was out with Washio and, well, we had sex. It was all weekend, just her and I and I had convinced myself that whatever we had was special. It wasn't, it was mediocre and toxic. But we dated anyway, she posted about being with an athlete and I got to post ab being with a hot girl. win win, only I started sleeping with Walker, her brother. He was also toxic, terrible in bed, I just, felt nothing with either of them anymore, and it was like a month into it." I could see him keeping up, but I wanted him to have questions, to stop me from telling on myself, he didn't. 

"I stopped seeing Walker, we'd only hooked up like three times, but I guess she knew and had hooked up with this guy Damien to 'get back' at me or whatever. Well Damien came to me after, saying how he wasn't sure he liked it, he needed to know for sure, all that good stuff. So I had about a two week long thing with him. During those two weeks she was away in Austria, and hooked up with two different guys. When she came back we booked a hotel, but I knew it was the last time. After, we both just started yelling about the cheating, she threw the hotel lamp at me, cutting my shoulder." 

I pulled the shirt down my shoulder and pointed out the scar, suprised he hadn't mentioned it before, I continued before he said anything, 

"I pushed her out of the way and left, she followed me down the hall, telling me all the things she did with Damien. I just left the hotel, I stayed with Akinori that weekend and he never asked why, he didn't ask about the cut, about the black eye, nothing. He just let me take care of myself and gather my stuff for one weekend and I went home after that. I," I shrugged, "I don't know who I was then, I don't know why I slept with her to begin with, I can blame the cheating on whatever, but it was me. I did it. I want to say it's because I wanted to feel something, but I could've done that a million ways better. I did a lot of shit in that two month span of time with her that I would never ever do again," I turned fully to face him, his eyes were watery and I didn't stop to ask if he was okay, 

"I don't want you to believe me when I say that you're different, that you make me feel different. You do, but I don't want you to trust me, I want you to keep me honest. I don't want to make you feel like you have to worry about me, but I would never want to hurt you. I know this is all coming out like a crazy person, but I'm not very smart so bare with me," I chuckled and saw his eyes roll, "I want to show you I'm different than that person, that I'm not like him anymore." I held his hands in mine and closed my eyes as his forehead fell into mine, he sniffled before speaking,