I can't help but feel like am leaving a part of me behind. As the trees go by....I wonder if what I chose is what my heart desires or if it was just one of my rush decisions.
But I know am strong....right?....am not even sure anymore.
Maybe I should go back.
I can't be with someone like him. No no no ....he can't be with someone like me.
Am cursed....no...am I finally accepting it.
Felix is silent the whole way back to town....and by that I mean three hours without a word.
"Felix...."
"Please don't say anything Roy" he sighs and continues looking at the road.
"I can't be with him." I try to explain as best as I can but the clenching on his jaw is intact.
"What....you also believe he is bad like everyone else?"
"I don't know about that...and even if it were to be true....why should I judge him according to his past mistakes"
"Then I guess you just don't feel like it"
I contemplate on whether I should just tell him...but that would burden him.
I never wanted to leave my mate...but...but...
"Am cursed"
I let the words out even before I could register what I was saying.
This causes him to stop the car and turn to face me. But I know it's too late to turn back.
I want to cry so bad. I want to tell Ozra that am there for him. But that means endangering him or me.
It doesn't matter if it's me....but if something happens to him I wont be able to take it.
"Roy....am sorry. I didn't know about that." He says but with the thoughts running through my head I don't even hear him well.
I can't hold back my tears anymore as they roll down.
"What do I do....should I just be with him ....he could die for Goodness sake."
He stays quiet just listening to me. Am tired of fighting it anymore.
Rose was always there for me whenever I felt this low but I know better than to trouble her with my problems.
Just like every persons dream....I always wanted to find my mate.
But how could I live with it if he dies because of me....
"Roy....please"
"I can't bear my mate looking at me with sympathy and not love Felix....is that so hard for you guys to understand?"
"He would be more content knowing your real reason. Please do this for him....for his happiness"
"What if he refuses me because of it"
"We will see then"
"Then....then Felix...if he does, I will die. I can't handle rejection anymore"
"Please" he looks at me almost pleadingly and I can't help but feel like caging in.
By doing this am putting a lot at stake here....my life...his life...my heart...his heart.
"Fine"
I can't stop thinking about what am about to do. For once I hope I don't make a wrong decision in this.
Ozra...I won't lie...am still afraid of him. A lot infact. Whoah. That guy is scary.
The drive back seems shorter full of silence again.
Is this what I want for myself?
As we park in front of the house....no one seems to be there. But I can feel him here.
Felix leads me to his bedroom where he is asleep.
My heart is beating too fast to be calm but I can't help it.
I slowly move towards the bed and sit beside him after Felix leaves.
"I knew you would come back" Ozra days as he rolls to his side and lays lays his head on my lap.
A lone tear leaves my eye as I look at him. Will we ever have a normal life like others.
"Ozra....am ..."
"Please don't speak another word. You might leave me again if you do" he says as he hugs me tighter.
I wonder if he will still hug me the same way after he finds out.
Either way...he at least deserves to know why we can't be together.
"Ozra. Am c..." I can't even get the word out of my mouth.
I close my eyes afraid of seeing the rejection in his eyes.
"Am cursed" I blurt out and everything stills. He stays at the same position. Maybe thinking of plans on how to reject me.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Three minutes.
Maybe I should leave him alone. I make a move to stand but his hold only gets tighter.
"Is that why you left?" He asks out of the blue.
"Yes....am risking too much by being with you"
"Please don't go Roy. I can't live without you. I will die out of despair. I can't even think straight anymore"
I can't help but feel hurt at his confession. But he might die because of me.
"And you think that I will be happy living with the guilt of you dying because of me." I can't take it.
Maybe this was a wrong choice. I would rather have him alive than dead
"Please give us a chance"
"Ozra"
"I will give you anything...name it but please try"
"It will slowly eat me out Ozra. I will die out guilt if I do. But it's okay if you want to give it a try"
"Is that a yes?" He asks as if he didn't just hear what I said
"Yes"
"Is that a yes?" He asks again. Maybe he has memory loss.
"Yes Ozra"
"Is that a yes?"
" Ask that again and I would take back my answer" I say and he immediately shut up.
Never thought he would ever listen to me.
He moves from my lap and sits straight looking at me.
"Roy...are you afraid of me?" He asks and I can see the desperation in his eyes.
"Yes. I am. I mean who wouldn't" I say and I notice a look of hurt on his face. Oh no. Wrong answer bitch.
"But it doesn't matter anymore. Whether to others you are a monster or a heartless beast Ozra. You are my beast"
"Say it again"
"You are my beast Ozra"
YOU ARE READING
Savage Desire
Romance"Don't...your desire could do harm to many" she says and I quickly get up. "Thank you Rebecca. I will do as you say" he says as he pulls me with him Maybe touching wasn't the best idea. I feel the need to touch him more. Felix looks at us as if he...
