Depression and Feelings

Part 1

Why doesn't my bestfriend like me, he ignores me and never wants to hang out with me but when I want to hang out with someone else he gets mad at me then wants to give me lectures of losing each other. We've known eachother since kindergarden but he let's fame go first instead of me. I cry every night when he doesn't reply to my text or answer my calls, he only calls me when he's bored then goes to hang out with my sisters and their friends. He never wants to comfort me, he never wants to help me, he's the reason why I have Depression. He's the reason why I have feelings for him. He's the reason why I have anxiety. 

He's at my house, in my room, in my bed, next to me, watching tv with me, but no converstations. He gets mad when I say I'm going to go home for a couple of days, he nevers knows that the reason why I'm leaving is because of him. Not because of problems at him, not because my sisters, not from bullies but from him only him. He's the only reason why my life went this way, he's been sleeping with my sister (Becca) I'm pretty sure. I'm not allowed to wear shorts, croptops, ripped jeans, makeup, my hair in a messy bun or leggings because when I do he gets mad at me and tells me to change. 

When it's time for his soccer games he never invites me, he invites my sisters tho. I always tell him I forgive him and I'm okay when I'm really not. I haven't been okay for 13 years, we are now in our senior year of highschool which is coming to a end and I'm pretty sure this is the last time I'll ever see him. I turn 17 in 2 months and my sisters are always talking about what they want me to do or what they want me to wear because they think it would look better. They tell me that the clothes I wear look better on them and he always agrees. I don't want to talk about this anymore because it hurts to know you were never the loved child and it hurts to know your bestfriend doesn't love you anymore and it just hurts.

I wish I was someone else...