Fantasy Reviews [CLOSED]

The Burning Rose

Chapter One

This was a good first chapter! I enjoyed the little tidbits about the orphanage, but we didn't get much backstory there unless I missed it. Will that be coming in the next chapters? The dialogue felt very natural! I think the scene with him hanging out of the car was probably my favorite, but I did notice that we didn't see much else as far as world building goes during that scene. Were there other people around that he perhaps focused on because they were staring at him? Maybe lights from street lamps depending on the time of day...Those are just little things I thought of while reading. Aside from this I'm interested to see how his time at the academy goes and what will happen when he gets there!

Chapter Two

I did find this chapter interesting with the way it started out, especially finding out that Mathiaz and Steve just had their first meeting. Even though they talked through an app, it seems a little odd, to me, for them to first meet by Steve driving Mathiaz to the academy. I also noticed when Mathiaz is talking about the immigrants that the paragraph below that switches POV. I don't think it should be switched like that without warning, especially for just one paragraph. Maybe turn it around so Mathiaz asks what Steve is thinking, that way you can keep it in Mathiaz's POV. There were a couple of dialogue tag issues I saw as well, so you may want to do another read through, unless you've already fixed these and haven't uploaded it to Wattpad yet. I did think it was funny that Mathiaz didn't seem to know where Holy Bay is haha. That was a good addition to the natural dialogue.

Chapter Three

With the way the beginning of this chapter starts out is neat with the descriptions, though I did find another paragraph that seems to go into Steve's POV again, unless I'm reading it wrong. You may want to look that over and see if you can find a way to get it into Mathiaz's POV since there's no information about the chapters being in Steve's POV. Ahh nevermind, after reading more I see that it is in Steve's POV, I just got thrown for a loop there. It's interesting to see the dogs come up to Steve as if he did something wrong, but I am a little confused as to why he said no they're not new students at the academy, unless he's trying to lie, I thought they both were new students which is why they were heading there. Now it's really confusing me. I didn't see any mention beforehand of other people not liking spiriters. But when those people found out they beat the two of them up? Without a bit of foreshadowing or information, that doesn't make too much sense to me. I'm seeing another paragraph that looks to be in Johnny's POV. In my opinion, it would be best to keep one chapter all one character's POV and though I'm still confused as to why Steve and Mathiaz got beat up, I think it made for a good chapter as long as we'd get some information on that.