seeing the sun//h.s.

02

august 17th . 6:07 p.m.

"what did you do at school today?" louis asks as the four of us sit at the dinner table.

"we got to paint." freddie answers, smiling as wide as he can.

"oh really?" louis smiles. "what did you paint?"

"i painted a flower."

"what kind of flower?" louis glances at me from across the table and i smile softly.

"i forgot what it's called." freddie slumps over in his seat.

"go get the picture if you have it. we can help you remember." i smile at him and he stands up, running into the living room.

he quickly runs back with a paper and hands it to louis.

"a gladioli." louis whispers, handing the paper to me before talking to freddie again. "what made you choose that flower?"

"my friend told me it's her favorite flower." freddie scoops more macaroni and cheese into his mouth and i stare at the paper.

gladiolis are usually only seen in bouquets that are sent to families after a loved one has passed away. they're sympathy flowers.

"can we go outside and play after dinner?" freddie stuffs the last of his dinner into his mouth and i look to louis for an answer.

"after you clear your plate." louis sighs.

•••

"how are you feeling?" louis asks, walking up behind me as i wash the dishes.

"how many times are you going to ask me that question?" i roll my eyes, turning around to face him.

"as many times as it takes for you to tell me the truth." he leans against the counter and i turn back around.

"i'm fine." i begin to wash the dishes a bit faster, as if i can get away from him.

"harry, she's gone." he sighs. "there's nothing you can do to-"

"stop, okay?" i grab the edge of the counter until my knuckles turn white. "you're saying that like she's-"

i stop myself before i say it. i refuse to say that word when talking about maryah.

"hazza..." he places his hand on my shoulder and i pull away.

"finish the dishes."

•••

i grab the journal and sit at the desk, opening it. i turn to the second page and realize it's dated a few days after the first one.

hey, i kind of suck at keeping up with this thing. i should probably set a reminder in my phone.

anyway, harry, if you're reading this (which i highly doubt it), i hope you're happy.

i changed my soulmate from you, to a random person. not for me, but for you. i was really happy with you but you deserve a lot better than a small town girl.

you told me your new soulmate is louis and you seemed really happy. i hope he treats you how you deserve to be treated.

thank you for making me laugh harder than ever before and go this long with out crying for the first time in a while.

as cheesy as this is, you make me feel safe.

i have to go, but i hope you know how much you deserve.

i sigh, grabbing my pen and beginning to write a response.

maryah, you made me happy as well. you were more than good enough. i'm sorry i didn't tell you that enough, if at all.

i'm currently fighting with louis. it seems like we do that more often now that you're gone.

we miss you so much. you really were the glue that held all of us together.

i'm sorry i couldn't save you. i'm missing you every second baby.

all the love, -H.

i fold up the paper and place it into the book. i close the journal and place it into the drawer before i walk back downstairs.

i walk outside and see louis pushing freddie on the swing set as ava plays on the jungle gym.

as i walk over to ava, i hear her talking to someone. i slowly approach her and speak softly.

"who are you talking to?" i ask, not wanting her to feel like she can't tell me things.

it seems like everyone is keeping stuff from me recently.

"my friend. she's really pretty." she smiles and i furrow my eyebrows, a bit confused.

"your friend?" no one else is here and freddie is on the other side of the yard.

"yeah! she keeps me safe from all of the bad guys." she smiles as if she's proud of this friend.

"what's her name?" i ask, not sure i want the answer.

"maryah."

my stomach drops. i quickly pull my phone out and pull up a picture of maryah and showing it to ava.

"is this her?" i ask and she glances at the phone before nodding.

"yeah, her hair is just a little shorter now, and she's wearing a black shirt." she responds without hesitation and i feel like i'm going to pass out.

maryah is still here. she's still a part of our lives. she never left.

i place my phone back into my pocket before going into the house.

as soon as i get into the house, i run up to my room and i call madison.

"hello?" her voice is soft and she's sniffling.

"madison, are you okay?" i ask and she sighs.

"harry i don't have time for your stuff today. i don't have enough energy." she sounds like she's about to hang up so i quickly respond.

"wait, hey, listen." i quickly respond.

"what?"

"can you please tell me what maryah was wearing that night." i close my eyes, nervous for the response.

"i don't know. a black shirt and some pants maybe? harry i'm sorry i can't-"

"that's all that i needed. thank you. make sure you're taking care of yourself please." i whisper before someone knocks on the door to the bedroom.

"hazza?" louis calls through the door and i quickly hang up the phone.

he really wouldn't be happy that i'm still asking about maryah.

"come in!"