Propane & Flames

What I saw

           VIII ~ What I saw

I couldn't stop thinking about what I saw. I thought about it so much I began to have trouble deciding if it were right or wrong. I started to think O'Connor was sweet for what he was doing. Sometimes when I would hangout with Blake, I'd blank out and daydream about O'Connor.

One night I was having sex with Blake. I was grinding on top of him when my phone buzzed. I glanced over at the nightstand where it sat. It read "O'Connor" that's when my mind began to flood with thoughts of having sex with him. I'd moan his name and imagine it was O'Connor and not Blake. I felt bad about it. I lived for Blake and I knew he heard me moaning the wrong name but he never said anything about it. I had given my virginity to him and now I was wishing I had given it to O'Connor.

I was afraid that I've fallen in love with a monster. Was I attracted to that maleficent smile? I had a sweet boyfriend who loved me and here I was drooling over a serial killer. What I saw that day stuck on me. I liked it. O'Connor had gotten to me and I was glad. Blake sensed there was something going on, and he'd occasionally ask me if I were ok. I knew I couldn't tell him. He'd freak out. He kept his distance, I pushed him away so much we barley hung out. After school I'd go to Mandarins place and talk to her about O'Connor. I never mentioned what I saw but, I bragged about O'Connors blue eyes. She noticed there was something wrong and asked me if I were still dating Blake. "yea we're still dating. I just haven't seen him in a while" I looked down at my hands. "so shouldn't you try to fix things with him?" Mandarins voice was sweet. "yea. But i just don't know if he'd like that " I was unsure about Blakes feelings towards me at the time. "What are you saying right now? You sound like an idiot. Blake Loves you. He doesn't talk to me about anything else anymore. Just you. I'm sick and tired of it. You need  to get off your ass and stop dreaming about the town psychopath. You have a perfectly good boyfriend right in front of you "she was focused on writing a paper. Manderin was always serious about her school work. So the fact she could belch that out in the middle of writing a paper meant she really put her thought into it. "You're right...I'll See you later, I guess?" I said slowly getting up. She nodded her head, her face focused on the monitor. I felt ashamed, I felt stupid. I drove to Blake's house. He wasn't home so his mother let me wait in his room. When he arrived he looked surprised. "Katarah, what are you doing here?" He was smiling so hard. "im here to apologize to my perfect boyfriend" I stood up and he walked towards me. Standing in front of me he said "what for?" I rubbed his arm a little "I know you heard me saying O'Connors name those nights, if anything you should have broke up with me." I said giving him a hug. He embraced me, "no don't say that. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I thought I was loosing you...you didn't sleep with Andrew did you?" He caressed my hair. "no...I wouldn't ever do that to you " I said laughing a little. "I love you katarah, you know that right ?" he said this with that million dollar smile I saw the first time we spoke  in the hallway. "I love you too Blake"

We spent the rest of the day together. I slept over and we made love. This time I didn't think about O'Connor not once. Blake was strong and commanding. He dominated my body and my mind. Not for one second could my attention leave Blake. His green eyes were vibrant and alive in a way I hadn't seen in a while. He loved me and I loved him, I wouldn't let anything get in our way. When we were done he held me in his arms and gave me sweet kisses.

The next morning I decided to tell Blake everything over breakfast but, he looked so happy I didn't want to take that from him. What I saw was disturbing. O'Connor had taken Sky and big boot. He had done what he wanted with them. He never told me exactly what he was up to. I didn't agree with what I saw. No one deserved that. Not even Sky. What I was Really afraid of was O'Connor. I was afraid of telling someone. He'd simply hurt them too. He was vicious and didn't take no for an answer. Just like Blake warned me.