psych ➳ muke

Behind the Book » Inspiration

I have been asked countless times on where I find the inspiration for my work, especially a book such as this. For the longest time, I kept the truth a secret, hidden from plain view. But now, I'm ready to tell.

This is where the inspiration came from. These are the stories of where each character originated from. I do hope you take the time to read this.

»» Part One ««

I will start by saying that this book was based on a lot of true events. It even says so in the book description.

I'd like to tell you that these events happened personally to me, this book is my story.

In 2012, life changed a lot for me. My biological father walked out on my mother and I, leaving us with absolutely nothing. It put a strain on me, especially with my depression. I have been diagnosed with depression since I was 8 - as well as extreme anxiety and separation anxiety when it came to leaving my mom.

After my father left, I spent a few months in isolation, I didn't know what else to do.

And then in August I met a boy, I wont tell you his name but we can call him A (which stands for asshole). Anyway, I thought he was everything. Within a month of knowing him we were official and he even talked me in to sleeping with him. I do not advise doing that, it was a terrible idea.

By early October, we were going to parties every weekend - doing drugs and drinking heavily. I do not condone those activities, they ruined my life.

A seemed like the perfect boyfriend. He claimed he loved me. But he was very  controlling. I wasnt allowed to have friends. He had to know where I was at all times. He would call me names and put me down.

This is emotional and verbal abuse. Do not allow anyone to treat you this way, ever.

On October 25, my best friend was killed in a car crash. It was sudden and it shattered me to pieces. A thought drinking would take away the pain, so we drank. A lot.

In December, I realized that A was abusive. I hadn't realized this prior, I thought he loved me. So, I broke up with him. At that time, my depression had escalated, I was spiraling downward. I thought I couldn't live without him, so I took him back.

Do not follow what I did, it will only get worse for you. Leave the situation and never go back.

By January, A was hitting me. Slapping and pushing and choking. I almost died. It took almost dying for me to realize that he was a bad person. We broke up and never got back together.

After A, I found a rebound. He was four years older than me. We will call him D (for dealer). And yes, he was a drug drug dealer. He got me in to a lot of trouble. I was almost arrested, had to appear in front of a judge in a courtroom, and had to do community service to pay off fines.

We were not allowed to see one another after that and it tore me apart. I was addicted to drugs and an alcoholic. I had no friends and my family didn't trust me, but I still refused to admit that I had a problem.

In March, my depression had taken over my life. I had stopped going to school in December, I couldnt go to school without being high. I would do pills on the bus before entering the school.

In March, I had a mental breakdown in the middle of the night. I couldn't see or breathe. All I wanted to do was die. I hadn't slept in days, I couldn't close my eyes without seeing my best friend whom had died months ago. I hadn't went through grief therapy even though I should have.

If you lose a loved one, please seek help.

That night, I called my sister and she drove me to the hospital so I would be safe. She said I looked like a zombie. My eyes were swollen and appeared bruised from not sleeping. I stared off in to space the whole car ride. At the hospital, I cried for hours. The doctors decided that I needed to be checked in to a psychiatric hospital.

The next day, I was checked in. I was alone and scared, but I am so thankful for it. Without that, I wouldn't be alive today.

I stayed in the hospital for eight days before being checked out.

On my first day, they drug tested me and my results came back positive for several kinds of pills as well as cocaine. Immediately, they contacted my mother, and I spent my time in the hospital detoxing. It was the most pain I had ever been in.

Since then, I have gone through extensive therapy and also went back to the hospital once for further treatment. I see a therapist regularly and take several medications.

But, although I have gone through absolute hell, I am happy. And I am alive. And I am so grateful.

And that's why I wrote Psych, to sort of tell my story. And I want everyone to know that they are not alone in this, there are other's out there whom are suffering.

And you can and you will get through this. A couple of bad days do not equal a bad life.

The next chapter will be about the characters and who they were based off of in real life.

If anyone out there needs to talk about anything at all, please know that I am here. You can trust me. I love you guys so much.

- Nevada.