THE AFTERMATH

CHAPTER ONE

It is amazing how I have managed to convince my clients time and again that anything that seems broken can be fixed no matter how far destroyed it seems. The irony in my own piece of advice lies in my desperation of getting my life back on track after my not so nasty but very disheartening divorce.

As two professionals who unanimously agreed that 'ours' was beyond saving and upon mutual agreement that our marriage had hit the crossroads, my ex-husband of ten years and I decided to part ways.

We both demonstrated a super level of maturity and without much hustle, our divorce was finalized six months ago. If I am being fair and honest, it was surprisingly smoother and peaceful than our wedding ceremony.

Or maybe this is what I have been trying to forcefully convince my most fragile heart and mind the past few months.

Why shame is a very common phenomena in most human beings is that we fear peer humiliation and judgement more than demise.

Very few individuals are capable of keeping their heads high especially when they are going through social life changing events like divorce. Honestly my mind is in turmoil and I am experiencing a rush in my system not as a result of the jogging that I am doing but because my thoughts are in their own sprinting spree at the moment.

The biggest reason why I enjoy and prefer running and jogging of all workouts is that it is the only relaxing time I get to acquaint with my soul. My head is always clear and I get to be in touch with my most inner being.

The other enticing thing to respect is how the sweat keeps breaking from my tiny numerous pores. It is a magical feeling because it translates to me as a blissful release and I strongly believe deep in my heart that eventually, the stress and anger I constantly feel will soon cut through me just like the sweat does.

Thirty minutes is all it takes for me to complete my semi-impressive 5km route every single day of my life since I made a decision to grab my life back on track. I am smiling as I approach my yard which is only about a 100metres away from me now.

I always prefer finishing strong so I pick up my pace three times faster. A part of my mind is already running through my schedule for the day. I have a nine o'clock appointment with a 'druggie' who relapsed and soon after I will be seeing a couple who are going through a rough patch.

These kind of sessions are the worst for me because I keep questioning the credibility of my expertise when I failed to save my own relationship. I keep blaming myself that I probably didn't try hard enough yet I have saved so many other couples or at least that is what I am made to believe. Who knows for sure?

As I am about to make my next step to reach for the door knob, I miss the step somehow and in a flash of a second I barely comprehend what's happening. However, I don't miss witnessing myself flying off the small staircase, hanging in the air for only but a second before I am pulled by the undeniable force of gravity which in turn lands me on the world's biggest records of the nastiest falls of all times.

I never realized the ground feels so hard but that is so small an experience compared to enduring the fracturing of my elbow as it gives in to the immense pressure after bearing my appreciable body weight.

I have never felt excruciating pain as much as this my whole life but on the contrary, the tears don't stream down as I was expecting no matter how hard I try to cry. I didn't realize before this unfortunate experience that real pain somehow stops the tears from falling. Because the only thing that comes out of me is, 'Oh my God!'

It should be the most painful thing to feel because you feel the pain from deep inside out and yet there is absolutely nothing you can do to ease that pain. 'What do I do now?' I ask myself and nothing comes to mind except I need to figure out a plan to go to the Emergency Room. What a way to start a Friday.