THE AFTERMATH

CHAPTER FOUR

The bad thing about staying alone is that you often wish to converse with someone but eventually you can only reach out to your thoughts. I have always been a workaholic. When I stayed with Michael, we both would come back home very late and we would also leave quite early. This is probably the first time in about ten years that I have slept in till 10 am. I do take leave days but I am never at home, there is always something to do and somewhere to be.

The last time I remember taking a fruitful leave regarding total relaxation was when we went for our honeymoon to Cape Town. Our wedding had finally come through after a few squabbles and hiccups. By then, we both earned decent salaries but the wedding budget definitely drained our pockets and at some point we thought it wasn't feasible anymore.

Had it not been for Michael's well up uncle who surprised us with a fully catered honeymoon package, we would have foregone it. Our wedding night was not our first night together. We were both experimental kids and on my 18th birthday, we decided to mature our intimacy. As such, our excitement was not on the deed, instead it was on the experience of lazing around at the beach and pampering ourselves without thinking about anything or anyone so to speak.

The first three days in Cape Town were the best days of my life. Michael was as sweet and romantic as they come. We would sleep in every morning and Oh! The cuddling was as gentle and soothing as it should have been. We tried new foods, did a couple of activities but the bulky of our time we enjoyed resting in each other's company.

On the fourth afternoon, in the comfort of our hotel room, we were making out and enjoying our quality time. All of a sudden, I felt an excruciating pain cutting through my inner abdomen. It felt like my intestines were being ripped apart in an unorderly fashion with random interjections second after second. This alternated with periods of relief for about ten minutes until Michael insisted we call for help.

He ringed the reception and they in turn organised an ambulance for us. Michael quickly but with a lot of precision dressed me properly. I could tell from his perturbed face that he was very worried.

Nonetheless, he tried to keep a strong face for me. When the ambulance guys were setting up their stuff preparing me to leave for the hospital, he quickly gave me a peck on the lips but not even for a second did he leave my hand.

The injection they gave me during the ambulance ride suddenly slowed my senses and consequently the pain gradually cooled off and so did the sleep crawl in. I was struggling to keep my eyes open but before I slept through the ride, I heard him reassure me, "I am right here babe! It's going to be okay. You will be fine my Angel."

The news we received at the hospital was not only shocking but very devastating. We learnt that I had suffered an ectopic pregnancy and to make matters worse, it had actually burst. My life was seriously threatened and without an emergency operation, there was a chance I could kiss my sweet happy life goodbye.

The decision to consent for the surgery was a no-brainer. Not once did Michael leave my sight so I had to blackmail him and compel him to leave in the evening. When he came back in the morning, I was already out of surgery and awake. He felt very bad that he had overslept and couldn't make it back in time. The nurses finally left us to be after they finished checking my drips and bandages.

Michael pulled his chair closer to the hospital bed where I was lying. He held my free hand with both his hands and gently stroked me with his fingers. After sometime, he moved both our intertwined fingers close to his mouth and kissed my knuckles one by one. He held his gaze on me and finally said, "I am so sorry my love"

We both knew he wasn't sorry about the current pain I was feeling, instead he referred to the invisible and hidden pain of loss of our child. The surprise bundle we never imagined we had. So the fact that we knew that very same day that we also had to accept we were losing the baby was a big blow to us.