𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐲. spencer reid

03. one lie becomes another

III. one lie becomes another
[APRIL HENDRIX]

THE FOLLOWING DAY WAS
strange, to say the very least. Obviously I wasn't surprised that Spencer was now avoiding me like a scared kitten did with cucumbers, but it still felt weird. I was conflicted, because this could be the start of something amazing and I really wanted it to work. But on the other hand, I was worried I might've just ruined our friendship.

But hey, he kissed me first. If I were to really pick it apart, Spencer was the one who started it.

And yet, the man was literally making me feel like I ruined things. I mean, maybe I did, with the touching and the teasing and all. But that didn't mean he could have a sudden epiphany and regret his decision to make out with me in the conference room. He was acting like a teenager going through post-but clarity or something.

You know, that might be it. Spencer probably jacked off to me and felt guilty. That was my excuse for his behavior.

This wasn't my fault. I refused to believe so.

So why did I feel so terrible? I was doubting myself and everything I stood for, which was very unlike me. And I knew I was feeling this way because it was Spencer, out of all people. I cared about his opinion more than others because he always treated me with respect. The thought of him judging me or being totally freaked out by me...made me feel kind of insecure. But it's a secret because April Hendrix doesn't get insecure.

I honestly didn't think that my words would have that kind of effect on him. That was the reason I had originally told him about me tying other people up, because I expected Spencer to just be absolutely confused. I thought we'd all get a good laugh out of it and just shrug it off, but I turned out to be totally wrong.

Spencer's expression was shocked at first, followed by discomfort. I could basically see the gears in his head turning as he imagined it all in his head. I knew this because his shoulders tensed up, his jaw tightened, and he slowly scooted closer to the table. That was when I realized that I had turned him on, which was probably the most exciting thing that has happened to me in a long time. I mean, I've always had a small feeling that Spencer was at least attracted to me (but to be honest, I think he found any woman with tits attractive), but I didn't know that I'd give him a boner with my words. It was incredibly flattering.

Especially because it was Spencer. He was so pure-looking, quiet, and respectful—I should've known that such innocence was just a mask for how kinky he actually was. His large brain probably didn't exclude sexual activities, which intrigued me more than anything else. Like, he has to have had those fantasies once and a while, because he was still human after all. I was stupid for teasing him and not expecting anything to happen.