Depression and Self Harm

What It Caused

Insecure:

So I cut myself on November 17th but I thought if I cut myself that's all I would have to live with, but I was wrong... it caused me to feel fat and ugly so I started being a vegetarian and I wore a lot of makeup." When I would go to school the boys would call me names because I wore "too much" makeup. It made me feel more insecure about myself and I started looking at the other girls in my grade, they all had perfect skinny bodies that could wear bikinis in the summer and I would wear leggings and a sweater. People always say how beautiful I am but I could never see myself like that... I still can't.

Eating Disorder:

I would starve myself but of my mum made me eat I would eat then purge. I will never forget getting over the toilet every night with my finger down my throat because I still do it, it's a habit I'm used to doing it. I told my mum that i was going to buy lunch at the cafeteria and she believed me for the longest time because she thought I loved food, but I wouldn't I wouldn't eat breakfast or lunch then I would eat dinner and purge." that's how I live till this day I still do all these things because I'm fat and a failure.

Anxiety:

I started growing anxiety. I never wanted to go to the places I loved, I never wanted to hang out with friends I would make up excuses saying something like... My mum said I'm not aloud, I'm hanging out with my other friend, I'm going over to my Nonna's and Nonno's. I live my life with those excused." My mum didn't think I was depressed or had an eating disorder or anxiety because I smiled, I fake smiled every day and wore long sleeves... And that is how you hide all your pain.

THANK YOU TOO WHOEVER IS READING THIS LOVE YOU GUYS THIS ACTUALLY MEANS ALOT FOR THOSE WHO READ THIS! IVE BEEN GETTING MESSAGES ABOUT HOW THIS AFFECTED THEM AND CALLING MEH A STUPID BITCH SO IF YOU ARE AFFECTED PLZ DONT CALL ME NAMES AND DONT READ!!!!!😘💜😘💜