10 years passed like a bullet train.
And I saw your posts and you are still together with her. Your eyes speaks a lot everytime you stare at her. I guess she is really your true love. I think you are 7 yrs in relationship with her. For sure marriage is the next option for the both of you.
Honestly I envy her. She seems so close with your family. I can't help but to feel insecure because you've been with her for too long. I guess you both knew each other really well.
But still I still prayed to God that if ever we will come to meet again in this lifetime, I wish God will give me courage to ask you this "what exactly happen 10 years ago?"
Because until now I don't want you to be a jerk in my mind. I knew you're a good person. And maybe you have a good reason why did you do that to me.
Even though I knew that you are very happy now, I still asked God for the signs if we are meant for each other after all. How pathetic I am right? So desperate?
But guess what, God never gave me the signs I'm looking for. No matter how many times I've asked the same question, still no signs given.
I don't know if I still love you till now or I'm just fixated with the illusion of us. I felt like I was stuck with you. That you left me, but you carried my heart with you. That I'm not the owner of my heart anymore.
Everytime there is someone who will try to enter my stubborn heart, I kept on comparing them to you. And I know it's wrong, so I pushed them away. Maybe I'm not ready for another heartbreak. I'm a coward, too scared to open up to others because they might end up betraying and leaving me again.
But I am genuinely happy for you. Though there are still little hope inside me, I am trying to kill it and burn it down.
You've said before that " if it's meant to be, it will be"
and I guess we are really not meant to be.
So now today I'll stop, this is the last time I hope for the two of us. I'll try to open my heart to others. I'll stop wanting you because you've never been mine in the first place.
This time I choose myself. I've forgive you for a long time even if you didn't ask for it. It's really true that time heals all wounds. Though my wounds left a scar, but this gives me a reminder that after all I'm am human capable of being hurt but can pick up herself and rise above.
I realize that I deserve to be happy, to love and be loved.
Now I accepted the fact that this is the end of us. Though this is long overdue especially to you but now I'm certain this is the right time.
The US 10 years ago is different from the US we are right now. We grow separately. I guess we are not the same as we imagined ourselves to be.
I remember you've asked me before, it's one of our serious talk. You've asked " if after ten years and we came to meet each other on the street, will you approach me"
Then I answered you " maybe, if you will be the one who'll approach me first because if you don't know I'm not a type of a person whom will approach someone rapidly because they know them. I hate rejection, so I don't want to be rejected in the process. So just approach me first. " and then I smiled at you.
Thinking about it now, honestly I think my answer will be the same. It may sound childish and bitter but this is me. You've asked that question even before that betrayal happen so I guess nothing is change with regards to my perspective on the topic.
But then I still wish you genuine happiness and bountiful life. I know you deserve all the blessings you have. I may not be the one who was beside you while achieving your dreams, but I am your silent cheerleader. I never doubted your skills and intelligence.
This is my last goodbye. A goodbye that is for real. No looking back just moving forward. Though you will always have a special place in my heart. I will keep our beautiful memories together because even that was my most heartbreaking, excruciating, devastating moment, that is also my euphoria, cloud nine moment. And I thank you for that.
Thank you for the heartbreak because it became a lesson for me to learn.
If someday you'll be able to read this message, maybe by that time I'm completely over you.
I will be the better version of myself and I will be together with someone whom God sent to me. The one that is meant for me.
Until we met again.
I love you, good bye.
