I stared at the girl-no, it's definitely not a girl but a lady - standing before me. A gorgeous lady, wearing a sophisticated yet alluring off-shoulder wine colored body hugging gown with visible diamonds decorated on the bust.
I smiled bitterly at her and she smiled back with the same intensity. The perfect contour of her face, that lush green eyes, everything about her screams elegance and beauty that everyone might die for to have. More so, to be that lady.
I know I'm beautiful. I had always been confident about my looks, status and well being and I've always gotten away with everything because of it. People would look up to me and say they were envious of how perfect I am. Perfect... Is there such a thing? If I'm perfect, then why can't I get something I've always wanted? Why can't I get the man I've always dreamed of even before I had the chance to meet him?
I have about everything I wanted in this life. Except one thing.
G-Ford Abuela.
I still don't have him. Will I ever?
That bittersweet reality torn my heart.
I don't get why, though? I know I'm pretty. My long list of admirers lining up just to get my attention is one proof. Pero bakit kung kailan pa ako seryosong nagkagusto sa isang lalaki ay saka naman ako hindi nagustuhan? Was life always been that bully? Did I deserve this?
Well- I admit I'm no saint back in high school. But I was regretful for my actions back then. I was young and I wanted fun. I didn't realized I was already enjoying too much that I've hurt probably some guys in the process. Am I being punished? Is it my karma?
I took a huge blow on my ego earlier. Not that it's the first time, though. I realized ever since I met him, I've always endured. The fact that I have never been rejected all my life, I've always been the one rejecting them and I've consistently gotten everything without lifting a finger, it's a wonder where I got the courage to stay mum and continue.
"Hey, you look stunning!"
I was snapped out of my reverie when Ysabelle caught my attention as she entered my room. She went straight to my bed while holding a bar of an expensive chocolate.
"Are you okay? Is there something bothering you?" I asked worriedly when I remembered she only eat chocolate on special occasions. And that special occasion has something to do with her episodes. Ysabelle has been diagnosed with depression while she was in grade school. She'd stuff all chocolates inside her mouth to the point of overdosing - if there's such a thing. She's gone a rough childhood. But she's taking medications now and has a regular consultation with a doctor and I can say she at least looks a little better. There's just times that she'd go back to her ways when she's bothered by that sickness.
I never understood depression before. I've always thought it was just something with the mind and it's something someone can actually control. I've had that idea that people makes up things just to get attention. That depression doesn't really exist. But after what happened to Ysabelle? I realized depression is serious. That is really does exist. That it is something you cannot control. That you actually needed someone's help to tone down that melancholic tune inside of you whose wanting to jeopardize your happiness.
"I'm fine. Just upset with stuff. But don't worry about me. I'll be fine." her smile did not reach her eyes.
"You sure? I can just bail the party, you know." I probed. Ignoring the fact that I already dressed up and is actually ready to go. My cousin and bestfriend is more important than that mark down. Besides, my proud self still cannot accept the fact that G-ford declined my invitation to be my date for tonight.
"No-really. I'll be fine. You should go and bond with your schoolmates. Plus, I'm leaving din naman tonight. Susunduin ako ni Dad."
"With Dad, you mean..."
"My real dad." she chuckled without humor. "I'm going to the States."
"What? But why? How about your studies?" I questioned. "What did your Mom say?"
Nagkibit balikat lang siya. Mas Lalo tuloy ayaw ko nang umalis. I didn't want to leave her alone. Ysabelle has been living with us for about 3 years now. Pagkatapos ng nangyaring gulo sa bahay ng Mom niya at ng asawa nito, my dad decided to make her live here. They're okay, now though. Besides, it's been 3 years. And just recently, Ysa finally met her real dad. And has been consistently visiting her here and asking her if she wanted to come to the States with him. My dad has always been supportive of Ysa like he does with me. So we don't really intervene with her decisions.
"I decided I needed to go away to fully heal." I then understood. She's still under that disease. I felt so bad for her that I sat beside her on my bed and hugged her. My heart is breaking for my cousin. She didn't deserve what happened to her. She was such a bright girl when we were kids. But looking at her now...
"You know I love you, right? Dad and I are just a call away when you need us." I said supporting her decision. I guess it'll be good for her. She needed it for her own healing.
She didn't say anything and just hugged me back.
I decided not to go to the acquaintance party. I didn't have the energy to do so with everything that happened. I decided to spend the night with Ysabelle instead. It was 9 o'clock when her dad arrived to collect her. Dad was teary eyed when we bid goodbye. I was crying too. But I was rooting for her happiness and lifetime healing too. She deserved to be happy just like anybody else.
---
I decided to make some changes sa plot. I realized kasi while re-reading it, masyado syang fast paced and there are some scenes na parang hindi na explain ng maayos at bigla nalang nagyari. I hope I'll get to finish it this time though. Unti-unti na din kasing nawawala sakin 'yong plot dahil sobrang tagal na din since I wrote this.
Lovelots <3
