Drowning

III

A Million Eyes

The world no longer seems magical. The sky no longer seems limitless. The chirping of the birds no longer is music to Shawn's ears. It's very dark in here. Not from the practical point of view, but Shawn's state of mind. The tears want to roll down, but they are too stubborn. They just wouldn't come. His face wants to grimace and contort into a painful expression, but the fake smile that has been forced onto his face for weeks seems to have frozen in place. It's all too painful.

Shawn has always loved the flowers and the birds, the sunlight, and the clouds that drift by. He has always loved the way the leaves move in a breeze and the soft whispering sound they make. Yet the tiredness that began a while ago remains like a veil over his skin, pale and cold. And as he watches the petals and the twigs that sway outside the window, there is only a creeping sorrow where there should be joy.

It sits like November rain on his skin, enough to chill what was once warm inside. At any other time, he would have called a friend, asked for the warmth he needed to ward it off. But the pain is too much, no amount of heat could shove it away. Now he just lets it fall, drop by drop, and it feels like an ocean plummeting upon him instead of rain. They say it can't rain forever, that there will come a time when it must cease, that the last droplet will have fallen. But for now, it feels like that time may never come.

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Shawn's mom is rarely home. His father died in the Military when Shawn was almost one, and his mother is a Flight Attendant, which results in Shawn being home alone most of the time. Until he was 13, he always had an au pair living with him. Once he started high school, he was allowed to live on his own mostly.

"Shawn. Hey, Shawn. Anderson, listen to me."

Shawn snaps out of his daze and looks up to see his two classmates in front of him.

Mia Diaz is a short, dark-skinned, athletic genius. She can calculate unstoppable football plays in a matter of seconds, run a four-minute mile, and beat almost any guy in a strength test.

And then there is Reid Saginaw. He's the captain of the Holden High School football team, 6'3" tall, and his snarky, but genius, comments can take down anyone. He's the guy in school that guys want to be, and girls want to be with.

"Are you okay? You have been staring at the wall for almost an hour," Mia said. She gently places the back of her hand against Shawn's forehead, trying to feel for a high temperature.

Shawn takes a looks around the room, trying to collect his thoughts. He quickly recognized the space as his small living room. The walls are painted a calm regal blue, and the couch, chair, and ottoman are all the same shade of grey.

"Yeah, Mia, I'm fine," Shawn responded, rubbing his eyes with his forefingers. He stands up from the couch and drags himself to the kitchen. Yawning, he grabs a coffee mug from the cupboard, he pours himself a cup and leans back against the countertop.

"We should go hiking today, guys," Reid jumpedtold them, jumping back to sit on the polished granite counters.

"Yeah!" Mia said, clapsping her hands together. "It's the perfect weather for it today."

"We can't," Shawn mumbles. "We can't do it without... without..." Even without being able to finish his sentence, everyone knew who he was talking about.

"Shawn." Mia sighs. "We miss her too, but it's been over a week, we need to be able to do something."

"Yeah, Shawn, I understand that you are in pain, but maybe going out with us will help." Reid jumps off the counter, walks across the small kitchen, and puts his arm on Shawn's shoulder. "Let's go hiking."